Am I obligated to visit sibling?

[Anonymous]

Seriously, most people are overreacting. My brother and BIL live in Europe with their families. No, I don't see them every time I go there (the distances are not close). If you go there for DD graduation trip that's the priority, not having dinner with your brother. That said, offer them a time frame that SUITS YOU and say that that's all you can manage. If you don't have any time to meet up due to your busy schedule, then just say so. I absolutely don't agree that it's some kind of relationship ending event. As OP said, she'll see them in a few months anyway. It may well be that it's not worth for your brother to take a train, say, from Budapest to Paris to have dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, most people are overreacting. My brother and BIL live in Europe with their families. No, I don't see them every time I go there (the distances are not close). If you go there for DD graduation trip that's the priority, not having dinner with your brother. That said, offer them a time frame that SUITS YOU and say that that's all you can manage. If you don't have any time to meet up due to your busy schedule, then just say so. I absolutely don't agree that it's some kind of relationship ending event. As OP said, she'll see them in a few months anyway. It may well be that it's not worth for your brother to take a train, say, from Budapest to Paris to have dinner.

+1.
Eastern Europe and Western Europe could be many many hours away. Not that easy to drive, take a train, or fly to a city for one day or one meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this was your son and daughter, would you tell your daughter to prioritize shopping over seeing her brother that she hadn’t seen in a year, even if her brother made the effort to go to her? What kind of shallow and superficial lives do you live that shopping is your priority in life.

THIS!!!!

[Anonymous]

I'd give a general itinerary and let him choose where to meet up. The good news is you will be out in public and not staying together overnight so even if it's 'a lot' it's not a huge deal in the grand scheme.

[Anonymous]

I'm just gobsmacked at the shallowness and selfishness of prioritizing shopping over seeing your brother. Please do him a favor and tell him how you really feel, before he gives up a couple of days or more to make the effort to see you.

[Anonymous]

So in two years, you will only see him and his family one day if you don't meet up in Europe. Smh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his family currently live overseas. Even before they moved we lived several hours apart so only saw eachother a couple times per year. We get along fine, SIL is fine and lovely too, but I wouldn’t say we are super-close.

Here’s the dilemma- my younger DD graduates from HS this year and we have been planning her family graduation trip to major cities in western Europe. Brother lives in eastern Europe, not somewhere that seems interesting and it’s not somewhere DD has on her list. He’s under the impression we will meet up somehow- he has offered to meet us at one of our stops but to be honest I’m not sure it’s a good idea. My younger nephews are great kids but really rambunctious and I can’t see them doing well at the museums and shopping we have planned. We haven’t seen them in a year but they will be back in the US later in the summer and we should be able to meet up for a day at our parents at that time.

WWYD? Try to fit them in or stick to our plans for a nuclear family vacation? In theory DD and I could extend for a few extra days (DH and older DC need to get back for work) but it would be expensive to change at this point and there's a lot going on this summer to get ready for college.

DD graduates from high school, not college, high school. and you are planning a family graduation trip to Europe?

it amazes me the wealth in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his family currently live overseas. Even before they moved we lived several hours apart so only saw eachother a couple times per year. We get along fine, SIL is fine and lovely too, but I wouldn’t say we are super-close.

Here’s the dilemma- my younger DD graduates from HS this year and we have been planning her family graduation trip to major cities in western Europe. Brother lives in eastern Europe, not somewhere that seems interesting and it’s not somewhere DD has on her list. He’s under the impression we will meet up somehow- he has offered to meet us at one of our stops but to be honest I’m not sure it’s a good idea. My younger nephews are great kids but really rambunctious and I can’t see them doing well at the museums and shopping we have planned. We haven’t seen them in a year but they will be back in the US later in the summer and we should be able to meet up for a day at our parents at that time.

WWYD? Try to fit them in or stick to our plans for a nuclear family vacation? In theory DD and I could extend for a few extra days (DH and older DC need to get back for work) but it would be expensive to change at this point and there's a lot going on this summer to get ready for college.

DD graduates from high school, not college, high school. and you are planning a family graduation trip to Europe?

it amazes me the wealth in this area.

+1. OP, is your brother as financially well off as you?

[Anonymous]

You’re showing your kids how they should treat you each other as adults. You know what the right thing to do is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his family currently live overseas. Even before they moved we lived several hours apart so only saw eachother a couple times per year. We get along fine, SIL is fine and lovely too, but I wouldn’t say we are super-close.

Here’s the dilemma- my younger DD graduates from HS this year and we have been planning her family graduation trip to major cities in western Europe. Brother lives in eastern Europe, not somewhere that seems interesting and it’s not somewhere DD has on her list. He’s under the impression we will meet up somehow- he has offered to meet us at one of our stops but to be honest I’m not sure it’s a good idea. My younger nephews are great kids but really rambunctious and I can’t see them doing well at the museums and shopping we have planned. We haven’t seen them in a year but they will be back in the US later in the summer and we should be able to meet up for a day at our parents at that time.

WWYD? Try to fit them in or stick to our plans for a nuclear family vacation? In theory DD and I could extend for a few extra days (DH and older DC need to get back for work) but it would be expensive to change at this point and there's a lot going on this summer to get ready for college.

DD graduates from high school, not college, high school. and you are planning a family graduation trip to Europe?

it amazes me the wealth in this area.

And handing her the black AMEX because she's so special and deserves her special shopping day in Paris. That she's worked so hard for [in high school!] and dreamed of all her life.

It doesn't seem this thread is going the way OP had planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is willing to meet you at your stops then I would say fine. But I would make it clear that you have these certain activities planned on these days and if they're not interested you're happy to just meet them for dinner or just see him over the summer. I would not turn my DD's graduation trip into a meet up with family and force her to do stuff young boys are interested in. I would prioritize having a special experience with my kid who is leaving for college over meeting up with a sibling I'm friendly with but not close to.

+1

You already have your itinerary planned and they'll be visiting soon.

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe how over the top these responses are. Its not like OP is going to be in the same country her brother lives in on this trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how over the top these responses are. Its not like OP is going to be in the same country her brother lives in on this trip.

As someone who currently lives in Europe (but not a tourist hotspot) as an expat, I understand the brother's prespective and desire to meet up. WHen you are seperated by an ocean from your family, a quick cheap flight to elsewhere in Europe is nothing! But I also recognize that not everyone sees it that way (they don't understand Schengen for one thing) and learned that i had to stop taking it personally when friends/family bypass us. My sister has been to Europe on various tours/cruises yearly since we've been here and has never attempted to see us. I'll admit it's hurtful but at least it's cleared up once and for all that she doesn't value our relationship (or my kids) enough to take an extra day off work.

[Anonymous]

You asked WWYD if my brother requested arranging to meet me and my family at one of our planned stops and we otherwise get along.
It might mean less shopping or maybe not spending as much time at a museum.

So I would say yes and adjust plans to accommodate, eg plan to have at least some meals together and find an activity that my younger nephews would like.

Saying no sends a message that your brother and his family are irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Military family here. One place that our relatives enjoyed meeting up with us in Europe is Champagne France. You can take a train through the caves which younger kids will enjoy along with the movie. Adults will enjoy the champagne.