Am I obligated to visit sibling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I get that family time is precious- I feel like we spend more PTO on visiting family than actual vacations. That said, I cannot imagine going to a continent (especially Europe, which is well connected) where my sibling was living and not trying to see them! Don't you want your kids to have a relationship with their cousins? You also seem to be letting your DD dictate this trip which I find a bit odd, especially for an international trip that you the parents are paying for.

This, all day long. What's wrong with you OP? I'm not super close to my siblings, but I can't imagine being so self-centered that I'd blow off a sibling who's offering to go out of their way to see you and presumably celebrate your DD's graduation because their "rambunctious" boys are going to interfere with your shopping schedule. JFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you tell him "Sorry, but your city is just a little too boring and not on DD's list. I'm sure you understand that we have shopping and museums planned and your kids will cramp our style."
My own SIL and BIL have come to our city several times and not even bothered to stop in when they were a mile from our house. They were invited but "we've made plans with friends and our schedule is packed."

Yes - say this (it's how you really feel anyway, right?) then you will never have to worry about this problem again!

Yeah, just be honest.

OP is not coming back to this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he's willing to meet you. don't you want to see your nephews? one afternoon is possible without breaking your schedule.

OP here- we only have 2 full days in each city, and I know some of you are knocking shopping but it is DD's dream to have a shopping day in Paris. Look, we do have a schedule because you need to book things in advance and this request seems very last minute. In hindsight it stems from a misunderstanding from a few months back- at one point our mom was planning to join us so then of course we would have seen my brother but mom had knee surgery and not up for traveling which is partly why they are visiting later in the summer. And like I said we will see them a day then. I didn't know until recently that he was still wanting to see us in Europe.

[Anonymous]

You aren't. If you don't want to, then don't. I have skipped visiting a sibling because I just didn't feel like it.

[Anonymous]

Yes try to meet up with then in western europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meet up with them. They are willing to meet you where you will already be. I don’t see why this is an issue.

+1 if you care about this relationship at all. But maybe you don't, since you also don't seem to value cousins spending some time together.

[Anonymous]

And actually OP the title of this thread is not even accurate. The sibling is offering to come meet you.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter can get her shopping day in Paris and also spend a day being polite to her uncle, aunt and cousins. Also you specified that you aren't "super close" with SIL -- I guarantee you never will be if you blow them off like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is a fragile thing and can change on a dime.

Don't waste an opportunity to spend time with people you love (I assume?) and who obviously love you and want to see you.

"Try to fit them in" sounds so cavalier. This is your brother, SIL and nephews. Does that mean anything at all to you?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his family currently live overseas. Even before they moved we lived several hours apart so only saw eachother a couple times per year. We get along fine, SIL is fine and lovely too, but I wouldn’t say we are super-close.

Here’s the dilemma- my younger DD graduates from HS this year and we have been planning her family graduation trip to major cities in western Europe. Brother lives in eastern Europe, not somewhere that seems interesting and it’s not somewhere DD has on her list. He’s under the impression we will meet up somehow- he has offered to meet us at one of our stops but to be honest I’m not sure it’s a good idea. My younger nephews are great kids but really rambunctious and I can’t see them doing well at the museums and shopping we have planned. We haven’t seen them in a year but they will be back in the US later in the summer and we should be able to meet up for a day at our parents at that time.

WWYD? Try to fit them in or stick to our plans for a nuclear family vacation? In theory DD and I could extend for a few extra days (DH and older DC need to get back for work) but it would be expensive to change at this point and there's a lot going on this summer to get ready for college.

I am not sure how this is even a question for you. Of course you meet up.

[Anonymous]

If he is willing to meet you at your stops then I would say fine. But I would make it clear that you have these certain activities planned on these days and if they're not interested you're happy to just meet them for dinner or just see him over the summer. I would not turn my DD's graduation trip into a meet up with family and force her to do stuff young boys are interested in. I would prioritize having a special experience with my kid who is leaving for college over meeting up with a sibling I'm friendly with but not close to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is willing to meet you at your stops then I would say fine. But I would make it clear that you have these certain activities planned on these days and if they're not interested you're happy to just meet them for dinner or just see him over the summer. I would not turn my DD's graduation trip into a meet up with family and force her to do stuff young boys are interested in. I would prioritize having a special experience with my kid who is leaving for college over meeting up with a sibling I'm friendly with but not close to.

+1. I think this is a good approach. Don't be a pushover.

[Anonymous]

Also Paris in the summer can be rough so good luck lol.

[Anonymous]

When son and his wife and kids can’t make any time for Op because they have more important things to do like shopping, hopefully Op will accept that and understand she created that dynamic and enforced that things are far more important than people in your life.

[Anonymous]

Jfc, OP. Your brother is offering to meet you at whatever stop on your trip is convenient, not suggesting his family tag along for your whole vacation. Pick a stop on your trip that isn't so pre-scheduled or that has things that everyone would enjoy. Or pick one the one that's closest to them so they can make a short trip for just a dinner with you guys. Sure, let your daughter have her fantasy shopping day in Paris without her little cousins being dragged around. It sounds like you have many other options.