Am I obligated to visit sibling?

[Anonymous]

Yep, I'm from Europe and we don't spend hours on a train to have lunch. Nobody normal gets worked out over this and no, you don't have to meet every time you step your foot on the continent. Go enjoy your vacation and stop this nonsense. You'll ruin your vacation by having to constantly think about it, change plans, wait somewhere, communicate over this, not do something you actually came to do etc. Your vacation will literally become a "dance" around when and how to see your brother, not a celebration of your DD's graduation and a family trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I'm from Europe and we don't spend hours on a train to have lunch. Nobody normal gets worked out over this and no, you don't have to meet every time you step your foot on the continent. Go enjoy your vacation and stop this nonsense. You'll ruin your vacation by having to constantly think about it, change plans, wait somewhere, communicate over this, not do something you actually came to do etc. Your vacation will literally become a "dance" around when and how to see your brother, not a celebration of your DD's graduation and a family trip.

Did they teach you how to read in Europe? Again, for the 1576th time, the brother is not telling her to get on a train. The brother is saying he will come to her! Literally, all she has to do is give him her itinerary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so ridiculous and is really bringing out the worst of DCUM. THE BROTHER SAYS HE WILL COME TO HER! All the bullshit responses about how big Europe actually is and how long the train rides are is irrelevant. The bottom line is OP doesn’t want to be the least bit inconvenienced by the brother and his kids even though he says they’ll come to whichever city they happen to be in just because the little nieces and nephews are annoying and a visit will cut into a museum or shopping trip. That’s it.

Just call a spade a spade. Those of us with normal functioning family relationships and the least bit of warmth in our hearts can’t imagine reacting this way to the brothers request. It is extremely selfish of OP and her daughter to deny him.

No it is relevant that Europe is big. It’s stupid to spend hundreds on flights or days on trains to see someone for one day when they will all see each other in another month. It’s stupid to screw up a special trip with your graduating daughter for this nonsense, Normal functioning families do not do this. The type of families that do do this are the ones with dysfunctional entitlement, anxiety and FOMO.

THE BROTHER ISNT ASKING THAT OP SPEND AN EXTRA SECOND ON ANY FORM OF TRANSPORTATION!!

Sorry, but maybe if I yell it it might sink in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP just tell him that you all will be super busy at every stop and you look forward to seeing him this summer. He very well may simply be offering to be polite or he may completely disrupt your vacation. Regardless he shouldn’t be under any impression that his family is part of your daughter’s trip. I’m guessing here but you’ve probably been blabbing to your parents about the trip and they’ve flown around to your brother pushing you all just must get together!

Keep your plans to yourself in the future! Either be comfortable saying no or tell them about the trip afterwards!

+1. Agreed. I'd feel no obligation to meet up with him and/or his family this summer but plan to see them this summer instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so ridiculous and is really bringing out the worst of DCUM. THE BROTHER SAYS HE WILL COME TO HER! All the bullshit responses about how big Europe actually is and how long the train rides are is irrelevant. The bottom line is OP doesn’t want to be the least bit inconvenienced by the brother and his kids even though he says they’ll come to whichever city they happen to be in just because the little nieces and nephews are annoying and a visit will cut into a museum or shopping trip. That’s it.

Just call a spade a spade. Those of us with normal functioning family relationships and the least bit of warmth in our hearts can’t imagine reacting this way to the brothers request. It is extremely selfish of OP and her daughter to deny him.

No it is relevant that Europe is big. It’s stupid to spend hundreds on flights or days on trains to see someone for one day when they will all see each other in another month. It’s stupid to screw up a special trip with your graduating daughter for this nonsense, Normal functioning families do not do this. The type of families that do do this are the ones with dysfunctional entitlement, anxiety and FOMO.

THE BROTHER ISNT ASKING THAT OP SPEND AN EXTRA SECOND ON ANY FORM OF TRANSPORTATION!!

Sorry, but maybe if I yell it it might sink in?

It's time for you to take your meds. The point is that it makes no sense to spend your vacation thinking, communicating and changing your plans to accommodate this. The so-called mental load. Perhaps you should take your own advice and learn to read?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so ridiculous and is really bringing out the worst of DCUM. THE BROTHER SAYS HE WILL COME TO HER! All the bullshit responses about how big Europe actually is and how long the train rides are is irrelevant. The bottom line is OP doesn’t want to be the least bit inconvenienced by the brother and his kids even though he says they’ll come to whichever city they happen to be in just because the little nieces and nephews are annoying and a visit will cut into a museum or shopping trip. That’s it.

Just call a spade a spade. Those of us with normal functioning family relationships and the least bit of warmth in our hearts can’t imagine reacting this way to the brothers request. It is extremely selfish of OP and her daughter to deny him.

No it is relevant that Europe is big. It’s stupid to spend hundreds on flights or days on trains to see someone for one day when they will all see each other in another month. It’s stupid to screw up a special trip with your graduating daughter for this nonsense, Normal functioning families do not do this. The type of families that do do this are the ones with dysfunctional entitlement, anxiety and FOMO.

THE BROTHER ISNT ASKING THAT OP SPEND AN EXTRA SECOND ON ANY FORM OF TRANSPORTATION!!

Sorry, but maybe if I yell it it might sink in?

It's time for you to take your meds. The point is that it makes no sense to spend your vacation thinking, communicating and changing your plans to accommodate this. The so-called mental load. Perhaps you should take your own advice and learn to read?!

Oh please. The brother is simply asking, as kindly as can be apparently, that they get together on one place of OP’s choosing at OP’s convenience. What you’re suggesting is that, no, no matter how small the inconvenience might be and no matter what degree the brother is happy to accommodate, OP should just tell her brother to piss off. Yea, that’s gracious behavior. Yea, that’s how you shouldn’t treat your sibling. Gotcha.

[Anonymous]

I mean, cmon, OP is even saying they could theoretically extend the trip a couple days but they’re gonna be “so busy preparing for college.” Really? Doing what?? Adding a couple days to a summer vacation isn’t going to impact any normal family’s “preparing for college.”

OP just plain doesn’t want to do anything to at all to accommodate her brother’s wishes to see them in Europe. Anything. And that’s fine. But cmon, it’s a pretty rigid way of thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I'm from Europe and we don't spend hours on a train to have lunch. Nobody normal gets worked out over this and no, you don't have to meet every time you step your foot on the continent. Go enjoy your vacation and stop this nonsense. You'll ruin your vacation by having to constantly think about it, change plans, wait somewhere, communicate over this, not do something you actually came to do etc. Your vacation will literally become a "dance" around when and how to see your brother, not a celebration of your DD's graduation and a family trip.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

Dream of shopping in Paris? Really. Shopping in Paris is not that much different then shopping in other major cities she will be visiting (well, maybe not Brussels if that's on your itinerary). Skipping a visit with family because of this sends a really bad message to your kid. When she's older, you might be on the receiving end of this behavior. Set a good example!

[Anonymous]

Op- regardless of what you decide to do with this trip- I hope you realize how lucky you are to have such a great brother. He is willing to literally scale mountains to see you. What a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dream of shopping in Paris? Really. Shopping in Paris is not that much different then shopping in other major cities she will be visiting (well, maybe not Brussels if that's on your itinerary). Skipping a visit with family because of this sends a really bad message to your kid. When she's older, you might be on the receiving end of this behavior. Set a good example!

+1

We are longtime expats, and have lived in Eastern Europe for 5 years and Western Europe for 10 years.

OP, there is nothing your daughter will buy in Paris that she cannot easily find in the US. In addition, there is a reason many Parisians...leave Paris in the summer. It will be hot and crowded. Summer is not the best time to go to Paris. Yet you MUST cram in a day of "shopping in Paris!" instead of making time to see your brother who wants to COME TO YOU.

You sound so shallow and selfish and unsophisticated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dream of shopping in Paris? Really. Shopping in Paris is not that much different then shopping in other major cities she will be visiting (well, maybe not Brussels if that's on your itinerary). Skipping a visit with family because of this sends a really bad message to your kid. When she's older, you might be on the receiving end of this behavior. Set a good example!

+1

We are longtime expats, and have lived in Eastern Europe for 5 years and Western Europe for 10 years.

OP, there is nothing your daughter will buy in Paris that she cannot easily find in the US. In addition, there is a reason many Parisians...leave Paris in the summer. It will be hot and crowded. Summer is not the best time to go to Paris. Yet you MUST cram in a day of "shopping in Paris!" instead of making time to see your brother who wants to COME TO YOU.

You sound so shallow and selfish and unsophisticated.

Buzz off! If you are a long term expat from Eastern Europe then I am the King of Sweden. You are clearly the triggered poster who further up the thread was yelling in all caps and constantly reposting. Leave the OP alone! We understand that you are struggling with mental health issues and probably triggered that someone doesn’t visit you. This is not the same as your situation. OP and her brother will see each other a month later at their parents house. OP and her daughter will enjoy Europe doing the things they enjoy as a last trip before DD goes off to college. I’m guessing you might not have children or you are a boomer that didn’t take your graduating kid on a big trip before college or you would understand.

[Anonymous]

What is it about Americans that make them so non family and community oriented? Honestly. It’s actually so weird. I mean, brother could meet them for lunch while they’re shopping but shopping (which can be done anywhere) is more important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is it about Americans that make them so non family and community oriented? Honestly. It’s actually so weird. I mean, brother could meet them for lunch while they’re shopping but shopping (which can be done anywhere) is more important?

Agree. No wonder the country is falling apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dream of shopping in Paris? Really. Shopping in Paris is not that much different then shopping in other major cities she will be visiting (well, maybe not Brussels if that's on your itinerary). Skipping a visit with family because of this sends a really bad message to your kid. When she's older, you might be on the receiving end of this behavior. Set a good example!

+1

We are longtime expats, and have lived in Eastern Europe for 5 years and Western Europe for 10 years.

OP, there is nothing your daughter will buy in Paris that she cannot easily find in the US. In addition, there is a reason many Parisians...leave Paris in the summer. It will be hot and crowded. Summer is not the best time to go to Paris. Yet you MUST cram in a day of "shopping in Paris!" instead of making time to see your brother who wants to COME TO YOU.

You sound so shallow and selfish and unsophisticated.

Buzz off! If you are a long term expat from Eastern Europe then I am the King of Sweden. You are clearly the triggered poster who further up the thread was yelling in all caps and constantly reposting. Leave the OP alone! We understand that you are struggling with mental health issues and probably triggered that someone doesn’t visit you. This is not the same as your situation. OP and her brother will see each other a month later at their parents house. OP and her daughter will enjoy Europe doing the things they enjoy as a last trip before DD goes off to college. I’m guessing you might not have children or you are a boomer that didn’t take your graduating kid on a big trip before college or you would understand.

Not the PP but you're the one that sounds triggered, yikes. Let me guess, you regard doing anything with your family as a total PITA? And you must live in a wealthy bubble because expensive graduation trips are really not common practice.....