Am I obligated to visit sibling?

[Anonymous]

I want to start a spinoff thread and ask how to raise my kids in a way that they want to prioritize seeing their sibling as part of the days in Paris. I am an only child so I am maybe missing something.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell him you don’t want to see him or his family. He thinks you want a relationship, you don’t. Rather than carrying on this fakeness, just be honest and tell him you have no interest in seeing them. Better he knows where he stands than spend money and time coming to see you when you don’t want to see them and will be irritated and annoyed that they are taking you from your shopping. Just tell him not be spend the time and money as you aren’t interested in seeing them.

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry we won't see you during our vacation but we look forward to seeing you later in the summer!"

Just keep it simple. You don't owe them an explanation, it's your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:he's willing to meet you. don't you want to see your nephews? one afternoon is possible without breaking your schedule.

OP here- we only have 2 full days in each city, and I know some of you are knocking shopping but it is DD's dream to have a shopping day in Paris. Look, we do have a schedule because you need to book things in advance and this request seems very last minute. In hindsight it stems from a misunderstanding from a few months back- at one point our mom was planning to join us so then of course we would have seen my brother but mom had knee surgery and not up for traveling which is partly why they are visiting later in the summer. And like I said we will see them a day then. I didn't know until recently that he was still wanting to see us in Europe.

If you don't see him, you need to be willing to blow up the relationship, because that's what you're doing.

[Anonymous]

Meet with them.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you can't see him during your trip but look forward to seeing them later on. If he presses say you have a tight and full schedule and can't add a day on short notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:he's willing to meet you. don't you want to see your nephews? one afternoon is possible without breaking your schedule.

OP here- we only have 2 full days in each city, and I know some of you are knocking shopping but it is DD's dream to have a shopping day in Paris. Look, we do have a schedule because you need to book things in advance and this request seems very last minute. In hindsight it stems from a misunderstanding from a few months back- at one point our mom was planning to join us so then of course we would have seen my brother but mom had knee surgery and not up for traveling which is partly why they are visiting later in the summer. And like I said we will see them a day then. I didn't know until recently that he was still wanting to see us in Europe.

Wow OP. Just Wow.

[Anonymous]

Yea, OP, I gotta say you really do not come off looking very good here and neither does your daughter. This is probably one of the most selfish and thoughtless posts I’ve ever read.

If your daughter is seriously considering skipping a visit with her uncle and cousins who live in Europe to get another day of shopping in, then you really have done a terrible job raising her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to start a spinoff thread and ask how to raise my kids in a way that they want to prioritize seeing their sibling as part of the days in Paris. I am an only child so I am maybe missing something.

Honestly, I'm not sure there's much you can do. My sister is like this too, and it really hurts my feelings. Looking back, my mother is a narcissist as well so that's probably where she got it. So, basically, don't be the AH even if your sibling is? Show your kids how to have a good relationship with a family member even when they're not as exciting as shopping in Paris?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this was your son and daughter, would you tell your daughter to prioritize shopping over seeing her brother that she hadn’t seen in a year, even if her brother made the effort to go to her? What kind of shallow and superficial lives do you live that shopping is your priority in life.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to start a spinoff thread and ask how to raise my kids in a way that they want to prioritize seeing their sibling as part of the days in Paris. I am an only child so I am maybe missing something.

Honestly, it's up to them. My parents raised us to view my brother as the golden child, and me as the problem child. I was always told I was lucky to have him as a brother while he was never told he was lucky to have me as a sister. He was allowed to have a lot more privileges than I was, and I was punished for things (and more harshly) that he wasn't. We were not "friends" growing up at all.

Once we'd both moved out of the house and were financially independent we talked several times and made the decision to forge a relationship independently of our parents. It took a couple of years to iron out kinks and remove our parents from meddling, but we've been "friends" for over 20 years now and live in the same city.

[Anonymous]

Do you love your brother? Do you want your family to have a relationship with him?

[Anonymous]

I think most of the posters are overreacting with their responses. I get it OP. This is a special trip for your daughter and your nuclear family. The request by your brother was sudden and had not been anticipated or planned for. If he only expects to get together for a day, it’s not an unreasonable request. It would be great if you can find a way to make it work or to stay an extra day. If he is expecting a big change of plans to accommodate him, then it is okay to say it won’t work this time.
I have a SIL that lives in Europe and I totally get that not every trip is meant to involve extended family. It really depends on how reasonable the expectations are for getting together.

[Anonymous]

Er, yes. You let them meet you on one of the stops in the itinerary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the posters are overreacting with their responses. I get it OP. This is a special trip for your daughter and your nuclear family. The request by your brother was sudden and had not been anticipated or planned for. If he only expects to get together for a day, it’s not an unreasonable request. It would be great if you can find a way to make it work or to stay an extra day. If he is expecting a big change of plans to accommodate him, then it is okay to say it won’t work this time.
I have a SIL that lives in Europe and I totally get that not every trip is meant to involve extended family. It really depends on how reasonable the expectations are for getting together.

You’re flat wrong. What’s there to “get”? OP made clear from the outset that her brother was not planning on taking over her trip - then immediately bash her nephews and complained about cutting into shopping. It’s pathetic.

If you need a refresher, this is exactly what she said:

He has offered to meet us at one of our stops but to be honest I’m not sure it’s a good idea. My younger nephews are great kids but really rambunctious and I can’t see them doing well at the museums and shopping we have planned.