Am I obligated to visit sibling?
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Anonymous
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My brother and his family currently live overseas. Even before they moved we lived several hours apart so only saw eachother a couple times per year. We get along fine, SIL is fine and lovely too, but I wouldn’t say we are super-close.
Here’s the dilemma- my younger DD graduates from HS this year and we have been planning her family graduation trip to major cities in western Europe. Brother lives in eastern Europe, not somewhere that seems interesting and it’s not somewhere DD has on her list. He’s under the impression we will meet up somehow- he has offered to meet us at one of our stops but to be honest I’m not sure it’s a good idea. My younger nephews are great kids but really rambunctious and I can’t see them doing well at the museums and shopping we have planned. We haven’t seen them in a year but they will be back in the US later in the summer and we should be able to meet up for a day at our parents at that time. WWYD? Try to fit them in or stick to our plans for a nuclear family vacation? In theory DD and I could extend for a few extra days (DH and older DC need to get back for work) but it would be expensive to change at this point and there's a lot going on this summer to get ready for college. |
Anonymous
| OP again- sorry, maybe this should have gone in Family forum?? |
Anonymous
| Yes you meet up for a day or two. |
Anonymous
| Meet up with them. They are willing to meet you where you will already be. I don’t see why this is an issue. |
Anonymous
+1 Budget time for a long meal and a couple hours chatting in the hotel lobby/your rental. |
Anonymous
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Yes. Meet up with him if you ever want a relationship with him again.
He's living in a foreign country and lonely. He's under the impression you care about him. Don't disabuse him of this. |
Anonymous
| Meet up. Create family memories. |
Anonymous
| Yes you meet up with him. He’s doing all the hard work by coming to you. |
Anonymous
| If this was your son and daughter, would you tell your daughter to prioritize shopping over seeing her brother that she hadn’t seen in a year, even if her brother made the effort to go to her? What kind of shallow and superficial lives do you live that shopping is your priority in life. |
Anonymous
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I get that family time is precious- I feel like we spend more PTO on visiting family than actual vacations. That said, I cannot imagine going to a continent (especially Europe, which is well connected) where my sibling was living and not trying to see them! Don't you want your kids to have a relationship with their cousins? You also seem to be letting your DD dictate this trip which I find a bit odd, especially for an international trip that you the parents are paying for. |
Anonymous
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Life is a fragile thing and can change on a dime.
Don't waste an opportunity to spend time with people you love (I assume?) and who obviously love you and want to see you. "Try to fit them in" sounds so cavalier. This is your brother, SIL and nephews. Does that mean anything at all to you? |
Anonymous
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I suggest you tell him "Sorry, but your city is just a little too boring and not on DD's list. I'm sure you understand that we have shopping and museums planned and your kids will cramp our style."
My own SIL and BIL have come to our city several times and not even bothered to stop in when they were a mile from our house. They were invited but "we've made plans with friends and our schedule is packed." |
Anonymous
Yes - say this (it's how you really feel anyway, right?) then you will never have to worry about this problem again! |
Anonymous
| he's willing to meet you. don't you want to see your nephews? one afternoon is possible without breaking your schedule. |
Anonymous
| Yes, of course. Don't be that person. |