I want to drop the rope on being mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you taught the kids how to do chores? Start there - they deserve to know how to do those things before you just disappear.

This. No you can’t just stop. But you can start the systems rolling so you don’t have to do everything.

Start with laundry. Even the littlest kids can put their dirty clothes in a hamper, put the clothes in a washer and transfer to a dryer. Even if you have to lift them to do it, make it part of your life. Teach them how to match socks and put their underwear away.

Dishes…when they’re big enough they can put away forks and knives. They can put their own stuff in the sink or at least on the counter next to the sink. They can help rinse fruits and vegetables.

They can put away their own toys. Make it easy for them to know where everything goes (pictures of the toy on the boxes).

Tell dh what he should be in charge of if he’s not already. Trash, lawn, bills. Whatever works for your family.

This.

My mom dropped the rope when I was about 5. I did learn to wash and fold my own clothes, make my own food and raise myself. In some ways, not having anyone to rely on made me very independent and successful - probably helps that I'm high IQ and pick things up easily. However, I don't like my parents; they were really crappy and I grew up feeling unsupported isolated and alone. I still feel unworthy of love and awkward when people do thing nice for me. If you don't care that your kids don't like you - go for it, they'll probably be fine. It's your relationship that won't be.

[Anonymous]

You should have enough income to outsource

You need more than the every other week cleaner. You need minimum 2x a week housekeeper who picks up the house, cleans, food preps /cooks, flies laundry.

Institute a 15 minute clean up after dinner where everyone picks up and puts away their stuff.

Each child needs chores to do because they are part of the family. Reenforce those - they will need reminding. When those are done they can have more chores to earn money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have enough income to outsource

You need more than the every other week cleaner. You need minimum 2x a week housekeeper who picks up the house, cleans, food preps /cooks, flies laundry.

Institute a 15 minute clean up after dinner where everyone picks up and puts away their stuff.

Each child needs chores to do because they are part of the family. Reenforce those - they will need reminding. When those are done they can have more chores to earn money.

This exactly - a housekeeper/ household manager will make an enormous difference and you can absolutely afford one. Also, there are a million meal delivery services which would make your day to day so much easier!

[Anonymous]

In addition to what's been said, for the clutter I have bins and bags and my 3 and 5 year old will clean up. I play a song for them and they go around the main level of our house throwing all their stuff into the bins and bags. I don't make them sort anything (honestly what would be the point) so it goes quickly. They just know their stuff can't be all over the floor.

I guess my nugget of wisdom here is that things don't have to be perfect to be better. Just start somewhere.

[Anonymous]

You can’t fully drop the rope but you can do WAY less than you’re doing, especially at your HHI.

Start with:

-Rinse for laundry. They pick up and drop off, easy.
-Buy a bunch of disposable plates, bowls, and cutlery, and eat out of that for a while.
-Bring your standards way down. If you’ve got a house cleaner, stop doing any of it. Sheets and towels can be washed monthly. Little kids can be bathed weekly.
-Tell the kids every night when they go to bed that there are toys left out, you’re throwing one away, and mean it.
-Start getting takeout for dinner (delivered) 4 days a week or so, and so insanely simple meals the other days (scrambled eggs on a bagel. Spaghetti with jar sauce. Chicken nuggets. Cereal). Include a side of fruit and an easy veggie (baby carrots, bagged salad, those steam in a bags of mixed veggies) and you’re done.

You’ve gotta find yourself some bandwidth so you can see clearly and then you can figure out longer term solutions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t fully drop the rope but you can do WAY less than you’re doing, especially at your HHI.

Start with:

-Rinse for laundry. They pick up and drop off, easy.
-Buy a bunch of disposable plates, bowls, and cutlery, and eat out of that for a while.
-Bring your standards way down. If you’ve got a house cleaner, stop doing any of it. Sheets and towels can be washed monthly. Little kids can be bathed weekly.
-Tell the kids every night when they go to bed that there are toys left out, you’re throwing one away, and mean it.
-Start getting takeout for dinner (delivered) 4 days a week or so, and so insanely simple meals the other days (scrambled eggs on a bagel. Spaghetti with jar sauce. Chicken nuggets. Cereal). Include a side of fruit and an easy veggie (baby carrots, bagged salad, those steam in a bags of mixed veggies) and you’re done.

You’ve gotta find yourself some bandwidth so you can see clearly and then you can figure out longer term solutions.

Wtf wash sheets monthly and bathe kids only weekly? These suggestions are neglectful.

Op you can’t drop the rope. Parent your kids. Hire help. Get it together.

[Anonymous]

My mom got overwhelmed and depressed and dropped the rope. It was terrible. I do not have a relationship with her as an adult.

Please hire help and get yourself together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t fully drop the rope but you can do WAY less than you’re doing, especially at your HHI.

Start with:

-Rinse for laundry. They pick up and drop off, easy.
-Buy a bunch of disposable plates, bowls, and cutlery, and eat out of that for a while.
-Bring your standards way down. If you’ve got a house cleaner, stop doing any of it. Sheets and towels can be washed monthly. Little kids can be bathed weekly.
-Tell the kids every night when they go to bed that there are toys left out, you’re throwing one away, and mean it.
-Start getting takeout for dinner (delivered) 4 days a week or so, and so insanely simple meals the other days (scrambled eggs on a bagel. Spaghetti with jar sauce. Chicken nuggets. Cereal). Include a side of fruit and an easy veggie (baby carrots, bagged salad, those steam in a bags of mixed veggies) and you’re done.

You’ve gotta find yourself some bandwidth so you can see clearly and then you can figure out longer term solutions.

Wtf wash sheets monthly and bathe kids only weekly? These suggestions are neglectful.

Op you can’t drop the rope. Parent your kids. Hire help. Get it together.

Any kid over 4 can bathe themselves. Seriously, if you are still bathing kids over 4, you are neglecting your duties as a parent to teach them proper hygiene. I just tell mine - go up, shower, brush teeth, and start reading. I'll tuck you in in a half an hour. That's all I do.

[Anonymous]

Raising kids and teaching them to take care of things is exhausting but pays off. 5 year olds can sort and put away their own clothes. If stuff is left out on the floor before bedtime it goes into a bin and goes away for a bit. Teachers them really quick. Food can be boring but nutritious and quick. A friend pretty much makes scrambled eggs and toast with frozen veggies and fruit for dinner multiple times a week. Her kids are fine and healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t fully drop the rope but you can do WAY less than you’re doing, especially at your HHI.

Start with:

-Rinse for laundry. They pick up and drop off, easy.
-Buy a bunch of disposable plates, bowls, and cutlery, and eat out of that for a while.
-Bring your standards way down. If you’ve got a house cleaner, stop doing any of it. Sheets and towels can be washed monthly. Little kids can be bathed weekly.
-Tell the kids every night when they go to bed that there are toys left out, you’re throwing one away, and mean it.
-Start getting takeout for dinner (delivered) 4 days a week or so, and so insanely simple meals the other days (scrambled eggs on a bagel. Spaghetti with jar sauce. Chicken nuggets. Cereal). Include a side of fruit and an easy veggie (baby carrots, bagged salad, those steam in a bags of mixed veggies) and you’re done.

You’ve gotta find yourself some bandwidth so you can see clearly and then you can figure out longer term solutions.

Wtf wash sheets monthly and bathe kids only weekly? These suggestions are neglectful.

Op you can’t drop the rope. Parent your kids. Hire help. Get it together.

Any kid over 4 can bathe themselves. Seriously, if you are still bathing kids over 4, you are neglecting your duties as a parent to teach them proper hygiene. I just tell mine - go up, shower, brush teeth, and start reading. I'll tuck you in in a half an hour. That's all I do.

Same. My 5 year old can shower, dry off, put on PJs and brush teeth. She dawdles but can do it all herself. The 9 year old can wash her hair now. Not great but passable. A bath with mom hanging out with them is a treat that we do once a week.

[Anonymous]

OP you have younger kids and 2 adults with big jobs. Don’t blame the kids! They didn’t ask for this. This is a you and H problem to fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t fully drop the rope but you can do WAY less than you’re doing, especially at your HHI.

Start with:

-Rinse for laundry. They pick up and drop off, easy.
-Buy a bunch of disposable plates, bowls, and cutlery, and eat out of that for a while.
-Bring your standards way down. If you’ve got a house cleaner, stop doing any of it. Sheets and towels can be washed monthly. Little kids can be bathed weekly.
-Tell the kids every night when they go to bed that there are toys left out, you’re throwing one away, and mean it.
-Start getting takeout for dinner (delivered) 4 days a week or so, and so insanely simple meals the other days (scrambled eggs on a bagel. Spaghetti with jar sauce. Chicken nuggets. Cereal). Include a side of fruit and an easy veggie (baby carrots, bagged salad, those steam in a bags of mixed veggies) and you’re done.

You’ve gotta find yourself some bandwidth so you can see clearly and then you can figure out longer term solutions.

The OP and H make at least $600k a year. This list is not the answer, and gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you taught the kids how to do chores? Start there - they deserve to know how to do those things before you just disappear.

This. No you can’t just stop. But you can start the systems rolling so you don’t have to do everything.

Start with laundry. Even the littlest kids can put their dirty clothes in a hamper, put the clothes in a washer and transfer to a dryer. Even if you have to lift them to do it, make it part of your life. Teach them how to match socks and put their underwear away.

Dishes…when they’re big enough they can put away forks and knives. They can put their own stuff in the sink or at least on the counter next to the sink. They can help rinse fruits and vegetables.

They can put away their own toys. Make it easy for them to know where everything goes (pictures of the toy on the boxes).

Tell dh what he should be in charge of if he’s not already. Trash, lawn, bills. Whatever works for your family.

This.

My mom dropped the rope when I was about 5. I did learn to wash and fold my own clothes, make my own food and raise myself. In some ways, not having anyone to rely on made me very independent and successful - probably helps that I'm high IQ and pick things up easily. However, I don't like my parents; they were really crappy and I grew up feeling unsupported isolated and alone. I still feel unworthy of love and awkward when people do thing nice for me. If you don't care that your kids don't like you - go for it, they'll probably be fine. It's your relationship that won't be.

+1

It also means that they won't believe they are lovable and will settle for whatever their partners give them. They will also never trust anyone to take care of anything including them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - I work full time. I feel like a glorified maid, driver and chef for my kids. I just want them to figure it out themselves.

I’m sorry! I make my kids do their own laundry. Including bed sheets. They start at age 9. Around the same time they have to make dinner once a week. Even if it is just peanut butter sandwiches. Seriously.

My son now makes pretty normal meals. Sometimes we get off track, but it is certainly part of the routine now. They do the garbage as well. When I clean the bathrooms they have to help me and eventually I’ll stop doing that!

Do less activities. I also encourage car pools. That helps tremendously. My kids do not have to like the other kids, it just helps me. I do not go to all sorts games or whatever. I take turns with my husband. We both will go to last games or big games only.

[Anonymous]

Who cares if your kids aren’t interested—make them do it! You can watch tv when your toys are put away. You can go to your friends house if you get your chores done. Come on, stop coddling your kids. NOBODY wants to do chores. It’s a part of life. My kids do them because they have to, not because they enjoy it