When someone you like texts rarely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

40s but feel like 15 when I'm thinking about him and his actions/words.

You are acting far too delusional and immature for someone in their 40s. Come on OP. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me do you a favor I wish someone did for me when I was younger: if someone wants to reach out and get in touch or reply to you, they will. It's so easy to do (and easier today than it was when I was younger).

Give it up. This kind of thing does not change. He is not waiting for a sign that he is interested in you after all. He just...doesn't feel the pull. To be social, to respond to messages, to respond to you.

I thought about giving up multiple times and considered not even telling him that I'm leaving my phone behind for a month and not sharing my new phone number. He does sound depressed, and my birthday falls on my trip, and I thought if he reaches out and receives no response for a couple of weeks, he might start worrying.

Instead of playing mind games iwth him, how about just not reaching out to him, don't think about him in the meanwhile, and if he writes, writes back when you feel like it, and expect him to write back when he feels like it--no sooner no later. No expectations.

The hard part is not to think about him. It would have been easier to stop interacting entirely but he told me so many times how much he appreciates me, and it seems that he does want to stay in touch, just on his own timeline.

He wants a casual friendship with you, nothing more. You're reading way too much into his texts because you've deluded yourself into thinking there is something between you. There isn't. If there was he would put in an actual effort. He wouldn't text you once to see how your trip was and then not follow up again. That's not what someone who is interested in someone does. You have 2 choices. 1. Accept this friendship for how it is, which is infrequent but sincere texts or 2. End the friendship because it isnt the level you need it to be.

Even in a casual friendship, I wouldn't reach out to someone with a question and then not read the response. I would either not reach out at all or if I cared and did, I would most definitely read how they are. He probably saw a notification regarding my message and figured that I'm alive and this is all that matters 🙂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me do you a favor I wish someone did for me when I was younger: if someone wants to reach out and get in touch or reply to you, they will. It's so easy to do (and easier today than it was when I was younger).

Give it up. This kind of thing does not change. He is not waiting for a sign that he is interested in you after all. He just...doesn't feel the pull. To be social, to respond to messages, to respond to you.

I thought about giving up multiple times and considered not even telling him that I'm leaving my phone behind for a month and not sharing my new phone number. He does sound depressed, and my birthday falls on my trip, and I thought if he reaches out and receives no response for a couple of weeks, he might start worrying.

Instead of playing mind games iwth him, how about just not reaching out to him, don't think about him in the meanwhile, and if he writes, writes back when you feel like it, and expect him to write back when he feels like it--no sooner no later. No expectations.

The hard part is not to think about him. It would have been easier to stop interacting entirely but he told me so many times how much he appreciates me, and it seems that he does want to stay in touch, just on his own timeline.

He wants a casual friendship with you, nothing more. You're reading way too much into his texts because you've deluded yourself into thinking there is something between you. There isn't. If there was he would put in an actual effort. He wouldn't text you once to see how your trip was and then not follow up again. That's not what someone who is interested in someone does. You have 2 choices. 1. Accept this friendship for how it is, which is infrequent but sincere texts or 2. End the friendship because it isnt the level you need it to be.

Even in a casual friendship, I wouldn't reach out to someone with a question and then not read the response. I would either not reach out at all or if I cared and did, I would most definitely read how they are. He probably saw a notification regarding my message and figured that I'm alive and this is all that matters 🙂

Ok if you don't share the same values, end your interactions then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me do you a favor I wish someone did for me when I was younger: if someone wants to reach out and get in touch or reply to you, they will. It's so easy to do (and easier today than it was when I was younger).

Give it up. This kind of thing does not change. He is not waiting for a sign that he is interested in you after all. He just...doesn't feel the pull. To be social, to respond to messages, to respond to you.

I thought about giving up multiple times and considered not even telling him that I'm leaving my phone behind for a month and not sharing my new phone number. He does sound depressed, and my birthday falls on my trip, and I thought if he reaches out and receives no response for a couple of weeks, he might start worrying.

Instead of playing mind games iwth him, how about just not reaching out to him, don't think about him in the meanwhile, and if he writes, writes back when you feel like it, and expect him to write back when he feels like it--no sooner no later. No expectations.

The hard part is not to think about him. It would have been easier to stop interacting entirely but he told me so many times how much he appreciates me, and it seems that he does want to stay in touch, just on his own timeline.

He wants a casual friendship with you, nothing more. You're reading way too much into his texts because you've deluded yourself into thinking there is something between you. There isn't. If there was he would put in an actual effort. He wouldn't text you once to see how your trip was and then not follow up again. That's not what someone who is interested in someone does. You have 2 choices. 1. Accept this friendship for how it is, which is infrequent but sincere texts or 2. End the friendship because it isnt the level you need it to be.

Even in a casual friendship, I wouldn't reach out to someone with a question and then not read the response. I would either not reach out at all or if I cared and did, I would most definitely read how they are. He probably saw a notification regarding my message and figured that I'm alive and this is all that matters 🙂

Maybe. Either way, you're kind of being ridiculous about this whole situation. This was never a deep friendship. This was never a relationship. You have a crush on him and your feelings are hurt that it's becoming obvious he doesn't return those feelings the same way. Either decide you're fine with the friendship how it is or just drop communication with him. He's told you how and why he communicates. There isn't anything for you to figure out or reason with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

40s but feel like 15 when I'm thinking about him and his actions/words.

You are acting far too delusional and immature for someone in their 40s. Come on OP. .

I only wonder what kind of friendship, if any, is possible here because I like him as a person. I do have several male friends, and the relationships are so much more straightforward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

40s but feel like 15 when I'm thinking about him and his actions/words.

You are acting far too delusional and immature for someone in their 40s. Come on OP. .

I only wonder what kind of friendship, if any, is possible here because I like him as a person. I do have several male friends, and the relationships are so much more straightforward.

And the type of friendship is the one you have. He's told you that. He's been straightforward. This is how he communicates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

40s but feel like 15 when I'm thinking about him and his actions/words.

You are acting far too delusional and immature for someone in their 40s. Come on OP. .

I only wonder what kind of friendship, if any, is possible here because I like him as a person. I do have several male friends, and the relationships are so much more straightforward.

For the millionth time: you can’t make him do anything. There’s no trick, no potion, no perfect set of words, no action you can take to make him feel fear, guilt, or love. Nothing.

[Anonymous]

I don’t agree that his communication is straightforward. On the contrary. This is what’s driving her mad.

Yes he has the right to be like that.

End it. Just don’t write back again.

[Anonymous]

Men aren't into a lot of txting.

It is what it is. Men are quieter. Accept that then you will learn it's no big deal.

Women don't want a talkative guy as a mate anyway. That's just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t agree that his communication is straightforward. On the contrary. This is what’s driving her mad.

Yes he has the right to be like that.

End it. Just don’t write back again.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, his communication is very confusing. For example, he complained above loneliness to me several times but when I asked if he wants to talk over the phone, he didn't reply. He said that he is tired of being single but doesn't want to date and then added: "Maybe I've already met her". I need an interpreter to translate his cryptic messages.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just not texters . It’s hard for me to understand, because I use text to communicate with most people.

But my 24 year-old son is very talkative and engaging in person but hates texts. His excuse is that it’s not easy to have a meaningful conversation over text, especially since he’s not attached to his phone so will likely be responding hours later.

So even if I make a comment or say “good luck today on your project” I had to let him know to please respond. Him as a teen: “the read receipts show when I read it. Me: “yes, I can see the read receipt but an OK or thumbs up is more polite.”

I would say in the past year or 2 of college he started to do better and respond to me more; but I think he’s just doing it for me not because he really wants to. I guess it’s today’s world , but I would hate to think that his potential mate would say “if he wanted to he would” and pass on him just because he finds it impersonal to talk with his thumbs.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. He is probably busy with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. He is probably busy with someone else.

I don't know what/who he is busy with at this moment but before I left for my trip, he complained about loneliness multiple times and explicitly told me that he is not dating anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you trying to make something happen with someone who lives far away and is terrible at communicating?

We really like each other when we communicate/talk over the phone. We understand each other so well, he shared a lot with me and asked a lot of questions about my life and remembers and repeats everything I shared. It's such a special connection for me, I want to keep him in my life but of course don't want to force him to communicate if he doesn't want to.

Before I got used to his communication style, I thought that he doesn't want to stay in touch and even deleted his phone number. When we reconnected, I told him what I did and why and he was clearly upset and texted me right away, so that I could save his contact again.

All you can do OP is set boundaries and decide whether this is worth it to you.

The guys sounds like he has mental health issues and is very introverted. Not replying, dropping out of commitments without communication, being in and out on his terms.

I would honestly not invest too much in this or try to get your emotional fulfillment from it. I would seek therapy or other introspection to understand why you might be drawn to someone emotionally unavailable. I don’t question that you have a special connection that means something to both of you, but that’s a very different thing than an actual friendship or relationship. Those take effort and commitment to sustain. It doesn’t sound like he has the capacity to make that happen.

[Anonymous]

Agree that he must have mental issues. I can understand OP feeling a connection. There’s something there or he’d have cut contact. I can also understand not wanting to give it up. I’d try to concentrate on other people though. It would be so refreshing if you found someone totally different. I think you’re wasting your time. Move on. You can still keep the memory. It will be much better for you. Do you have a friend who will talk this through with you?