When someone you like texts rarely

[Anonymous]

Last year, I worked with a colleague who had been very helpful and responsive, and we became good friends. At some point, he got so burned out and quit without any notice.

It turned out that outside of work, he barely replies to anybody's messages. Our mutual colleagues reached out to him, and some of them received a response two months later, and some of them haven't heard back at all. I got in touch with him, and he said that he has about 40 unread messages on social media and that his best friend had been trying to reach him for four days, and he is just not replying. He also said that he never initiates any conversations, even with his family members and closest friends. If I text him, he usually replies a week later, or sometimes I send another text a week later myself and then he reads both texts and replies. His responses to me are always very thoughtful and caring and sound like there is something more going on besides pure friendship. I do like him a lot but it bothers me that I need to wait for a week or more for every response.

I'm currently traveling in an unsafe country and therefore left my US cell phone at home. Before leaving, I notified him that my other country's phone can be contacted via WhatsApp during that time. He replied wishing safe travels and said that he'll text me via WhatsApp. A week later, he actually did find me on WhatsApp and asked how my trip is going. It's a big deal for a person who typically doesn't initiate, and I was happy to hear from him. I replied later that day (last Wednesday) but now see that he didn't read my response yet and hasn't been on WhatsApp since after he sent his message.

I want to keep and develop our connection and friendship but it bothers me that he takes so long to reply to every message. Is there a reasonable explanation for such behavior? Is it even possible to maintain any meaningful long-term relationship with such a person? None of my other friends and acquaintances communicate like this.

[Anonymous]

Try setting up coffee dates. If that doesn't work, he's just not going to hit the ball back.

[Anonymous]

You need to take the hint. If he were interested in you he would reach out regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I worked with a colleague who had been very helpful and responsive, and we became good friends. At some point, he got so burned out and quit without any notice.

It turned out that outside of work, he barely replies to anybody's messages. Our mutual colleagues reached out to him, and some of them received a response two months later, and some of them haven't heard back at all. I got in touch with him, and he said that he has about 40 unread messages on social media and that his best friend had been trying to reach him for four days, and he is just not replying. He also said that he never initiates any conversations, even with his family members and closest friends. If I text him, he usually replies a week later, or sometimes I send another text a week later myself and then he reads both texts and replies. His responses to me are always very thoughtful and caring and sound like there is something more going on besides pure friendship. I do like him a lot but it bothers me that I need to wait for a week or more for every response.

I'm currently traveling in an unsafe country and therefore left my US cell phone at home. Before leaving, I notified him that my other country's phone can be contacted via WhatsApp during that time. He replied wishing safe travels and said that he'll text me via WhatsApp. A week later, he actually did find me on WhatsApp and asked how my trip is going. It's a big deal for a person who typically doesn't initiate, and I was happy to hear from him. I replied later that day (last Wednesday) but now see that he didn't read my response yet and hasn't been on WhatsApp since after he sent his message.

I want to keep and develop our connection and friendship but it bothers me that he takes so long to reply to every message. Is there a reasonable explanation for such behavior? Is it even possible to maintain any meaningful long-term relationship with such a person? None of my other friends and acquaintances communicate like this.

You can't control another human.

He is living life how he chooses and your wringing your hands over him not living up to your standards is not going to effect him at all--he could care less, because he knows he is not doing anything wrong. So this whole thought process of yours is a waste of time. You can't force him to get into a tennis match of you text, then he texts right back on cue.

[Anonymous]

He just doesn't care that much. If he wanted to make the effort, he would. He would call, text, or ask to meet up in person.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He lives very far from here, and we can't just meet for coffee or lunch.

If he weren't interested, why would he send so thoughtful responses and bothered to find my new phone number on WhatsApp and contacted me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I worked with a colleague who had been very helpful and responsive, and we became good friends. At some point, he got so burned out and quit without any notice.

It turned out that outside of work, he barely replies to anybody's messages. Our mutual colleagues reached out to him, and some of them received a response two months later, and some of them haven't heard back at all. I got in touch with him, and he said that he has about 40 unread messages on social media and that his best friend had been trying to reach him for four days, and he is just not replying. He also said that he never initiates any conversations, even with his family members and closest friends. If I text him, he usually replies a week later, or sometimes I send another text a week later myself and then he reads both texts and replies. His responses to me are always very thoughtful and caring and sound like there is something more going on besides pure friendship. I do like him a lot but it bothers me that I need to wait for a week or more for every response.

I'm currently traveling in an unsafe country and therefore left my US cell phone at home. Before leaving, I notified him that my other country's phone can be contacted via WhatsApp during that time. He replied wishing safe travels and said that he'll text me via WhatsApp. A week later, he actually did find me on WhatsApp and asked how my trip is going. It's a big deal for a person who typically doesn't initiate, and I was happy to hear from him. I replied later that day (last Wednesday) but now see that he didn't read my response yet and hasn't been on WhatsApp since after he sent his message.

I want to keep and develop our connection and friendship but it bothers me that he takes so long to reply to every message. Is there a reasonable explanation for such behavior? Is it even possible to maintain any meaningful long-term relationship with such a person? None of my other friends and acquaintances communicate like this.

why does he need to be concerned with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He lives very far from here, and we can't just meet for coffee or lunch.

If he weren't interested, why would he send so thoughtful responses and bothered to find my new phone number on WhatsApp and contacted me?

Because it's a passive thing to do. Some people like to just pass some time checking in on people. If he lives far away, he definitely has zero interest in starting something up.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, he sounds like a nice person who is on the spectrum. My young adult son with ADHD and autism communicates in the same way. If you want to be friends (or more), please expect to do all the social heavy lifting.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you're reading too much into these "thoughtful" responses. That's probably just the type he is. As for the checking in on you...if he was interested he would have kept the convo going. You're coming off a little socially unaware/desperate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I worked with a colleague who had been very helpful and responsive, and we became good friends. At some point, he got so burned out and quit without any notice.

It turned out that outside of work, he barely replies to anybody's messages. Our mutual colleagues reached out to him, and some of them received a response two months later, and some of them haven't heard back at all. I got in touch with him, and he said that he has about 40 unread messages on social media and that his best friend had been trying to reach him for four days, and he is just not replying. He also said that he never initiates any conversations, even with his family members and closest friends. If I text him, he usually replies a week later, or sometimes I send another text a week later myself and then he reads both texts and replies. His responses to me are always very thoughtful and caring and sound like there is something more going on besides pure friendship. I do like him a lot but it bothers me that I need to wait for a week or more for every response.

I'm currently traveling in an unsafe country and therefore left my US cell phone at home. Before leaving, I notified him that my other country's phone can be contacted via WhatsApp during that time. He replied wishing safe travels and said that he'll text me via WhatsApp. A week later, he actually did find me on WhatsApp and asked how my trip is going. It's a big deal for a person who typically doesn't initiate, and I was happy to hear from him. I replied later that day (last Wednesday) but now see that he didn't read my response yet and hasn't been on WhatsApp since after he sent his message.

I want to keep and develop our connection and friendship but it bothers me that he takes so long to reply to every message. Is there a reasonable explanation for such behavior? Is it even possible to maintain any meaningful long-term relationship with such a person? None of my other friends and acquaintances communicate like this.

why does he need to be concerned with this?

I'm the one concerned here.
When we spoke over the phone last month, he said that if he doesn't reply for a week, it doesn't mean that he is ignoring me (I didn't bring that up, he just commented by himself). What does that even mean?

[Anonymous]

Why are you trying to make something happen with someone who lives far away and is terrible at communicating?

[Anonymous]

He’s not interested in dating you or
Maybe try calling or emailing instead of texting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I worked with a colleague who had been very helpful and responsive, and we became good friends. At some point, he got so burned out and quit without any notice.

It turned out that outside of work, he barely replies to anybody's messages. Our mutual colleagues reached out to him, and some of them received a response two months later, and some of them haven't heard back at all. I got in touch with him, and he said that he has about 40 unread messages on social media and that his best friend had been trying to reach him for four days, and he is just not replying. He also said that he never initiates any conversations, even with his family members and closest friends. If I text him, he usually replies a week later, or sometimes I send another text a week later myself and then he reads both texts and replies. His responses to me are always very thoughtful and caring and sound like there is something more going on besides pure friendship. I do like him a lot but it bothers me that I need to wait for a week or more for every response.

I'm currently traveling in an unsafe country and therefore left my US cell phone at home. Before leaving, I notified him that my other country's phone can be contacted via WhatsApp during that time. He replied wishing safe travels and said that he'll text me via WhatsApp. A week later, he actually did find me on WhatsApp and asked how my trip is going. It's a big deal for a person who typically doesn't initiate, and I was happy to hear from him. I replied later that day (last Wednesday) but now see that he didn't read my response yet and hasn't been on WhatsApp since after he sent his message.

I want to keep and develop our connection and friendship but it bothers me that he takes so long to reply to every message. Is there a reasonable explanation for such behavior? Is it even possible to maintain any meaningful long-term relationship with such a person? None of my other friends and acquaintances communicate like this.

why does he need to be concerned with this?

I'm the one concerned here.
When we spoke over the phone last month, he said that if he doesn't reply for a week, it doesn't mean that he is ignoring me (I didn't bring that up, he just commented by himself). What does that even mean?

It just means he doesn't want you to think he's a jerk. It's not that deep OP. He's not a great communicator and he doesn't find your friendship important enough to put more of an effort in. End of story. If he lives far away, why are you putting so much thought into this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year, I worked with a colleague who had been very helpful and responsive, and we became good friends. At some point, he got so burned out and quit without any notice.

It turned out that outside of work, he barely replies to anybody's messages. Our mutual colleagues reached out to him, and some of them received a response two months later, and some of them haven't heard back at all. I got in touch with him, and he said that he has about 40 unread messages on social media and that his best friend had been trying to reach him for four days, and he is just not replying. He also said that he never initiates any conversations, even with his family members and closest friends. If I text him, he usually replies a week later, or sometimes I send another text a week later myself and then he reads both texts and replies. His responses to me are always very thoughtful and caring and sound like there is something more going on besides pure friendship. I do like him a lot but it bothers me that I need to wait for a week or more for every response.

I'm currently traveling in an unsafe country and therefore left my US cell phone at home. Before leaving, I notified him that my other country's phone can be contacted via WhatsApp during that time. He replied wishing safe travels and said that he'll text me via WhatsApp. A week later, he actually did find me on WhatsApp and asked how my trip is going. It's a big deal for a person who typically doesn't initiate, and I was happy to hear from him. I replied later that day (last Wednesday) but now see that he didn't read my response yet and hasn't been on WhatsApp since after he sent his message.

I want to keep and develop our connection and friendship but it bothers me that he takes so long to reply to every message. Is there a reasonable explanation for such behavior? Is it even possible to maintain any meaningful long-term relationship with such a person? None of my other friends and acquaintances communicate like this.

why does he need to be concerned with this?

I'm the one concerned here.
When we spoke over the phone last month, he said that if he doesn't reply for a week, it doesn't mean that he is ignoring me (I didn't bring that up, he just commented by himself). What does that even mean?

It just means he doesn't want you to think he's a jerk. It's not that deep OP. He's not a great communicator and he doesn't find your friendship important enough to put more of an effort in. End of story. If he lives far away, why are you putting so much thought into this?

this is another poster, and not to put words in your mouth, but just to add another thought, I don't think that it is he is not a great communicator--he is communicating, he is not hurting you or misleading you. He actually doesn't have to communicate with you at all.