Spouse lost his job and its ruining our life

[Anonymous]

This happened to us. I was a wreck. We were hemorrhaging money because our expenses had gotten really high. But what I did was tell him he was amazing, that he can do anything he put his mind to, and it would work out. (All while freaking out inside and worried he would never get another job and we'd go broke.) He needed to not feel desperate in interviews. He needed to feel confident and powerful. After he got the new, better job, he thanked me for believing in him and not freaking out.

It was a bad break, completely not his fault. And he has always supported me and our kids. He deserved to have strong support behind him.

[Anonymous]

He should broaden his geographic search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s is young for a corporate man. He will be fine. Be open about relocation. And remember: he is more than just his job!

But he isn’t, is he. Ultimately this is the way we’re viewed. We have to be useful otherwise there’s no reason to keep us around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 are you me?

Sounds like my situation- husband been unemployed- I’m barely holding it together- so much resentment.

+2
Me too. It totally socks and I'm actually pondering divorce. I have enough anxiety of my own and cannot deal with his expectations for me to do all the housework, food prep, child care and still be the only one working.

Getting divorced will only make your financial situation worse. My parents got divorced and they never recovered financially. Both of them are really struggling financially and their retirements will be miserable. If they had not gotten divorced they would be in a very comfortable situation right now. He is probably depressed and struggling to stay organized. Give him a checklist of a few housework items to do each day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. I was a wreck. We were hemorrhaging money because our expenses had gotten really high. But what I did was tell him he was amazing, that he can do anything he put his mind to, and it would work out. (All while freaking out inside and worried he would never get another job and we'd go broke.) He needed to not feel desperate in interviews. He needed to feel confident and powerful. After he got the new, better job, he thanked me for believing in him and not freaking out.

It was a bad break, completely not his fault. And he has always supported me and our kids. He deserved to have strong support behind him.

So glad it worked out. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 are you me?

Sounds like my situation- husband been unemployed- I’m barely holding it together- so much resentment.

+2
Me too. It totally socks and I'm actually pondering divorce. I have enough anxiety of my own and cannot deal with his expectations for me to do all the housework, food prep, child care and still be the only one working.

I feel like I have daily breakdowns. I cry, feel sorry for our situation, then feel bad I’m not being supportive.
I want to talk to someone- hoping to make a connection for him. I’ve been prayerful and hopeful- all that I can do.
I work part time, then do some private tutoring in the evening.

Some days I can’t catch my breath.
I can only image how he’s feeling… he feels lost, depressed, like a loser… it’s so hard watching your spouse fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. I was a wreck. We were hemorrhaging money because our expenses had gotten really high. But what I did was tell him he was amazing, that he can do anything he put his mind to, and it would work out. (All while freaking out inside and worried he would never get another job and we'd go broke.) He needed to not feel desperate in interviews. He needed to feel confident and powerful. After he got the new, better job, he thanked me for believing in him and not freaking out.

It was a bad break, completely not his fault. And he has always supported me and our kids. He deserved to have strong support behind him.

So glad it worked out. Thanks for sharing.

It did. I was talking to a friend last week about how I was sure we were ruined. I'd get in the car and drive to run errands by myself and cry. And now his career is now better than ever. But I never showed him my worry. I was surprised that I could be that strong. But I did it for him and our kids. No question it's scary, OP. But if you can help him you will be proud of yourself that you could be so strong. I worry that you are saying he is ruining your lives. That is a lot of pressure and blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 are you me?

Sounds like my situation- husband been unemployed- I’m barely holding it together- so much resentment.

+2
Me too. It totally socks and I'm actually pondering divorce. I have enough anxiety of my own and cannot deal with his expectations for me to do all the housework, food prep, child care and still be the only one working.

I feel like I have daily breakdowns. I cry, feel sorry for our situation, then feel bad I’m not being supportive.
I want to talk to someone- hoping to make a connection for him. I’ve been prayerful and hopeful- all that I can do.
I work part time, then do some private tutoring in the evening.

Some days I can’t catch my breath.
I can only image how he’s feeling… he feels lost, depressed, like a loser… it’s so hard watching your spouse fail.

OP here- youve summed it up exactly. Many sleepless nights over here and then the daytime is so hard because Im mentally exhausted and tired from not sleeping. Although going to work and being busy there feels like a vacation away from the turmoil I feel when Im at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry you are going through this! Any chance you could dog-sit on rover? I have friends who bring in a few thousand each month by doing this as a side hustle.

Seriously OP - these people make bank. My dog currently goes to daycare, but I’m going to transition to a dog walker. I’m looking at $300-400 a month for 1.5 hours of someone’s time a week.

[Anonymous]

OP didn’t say a thing about her trying to get a higher-paid job. All she apparently wants to do is blame her spouse for having made what at the time was a choice to earn more money for their family but in retrospect was a bad decision. Women like her are disgusting. Whenever things get tough they revert to very traditional attitudes that they deserve to be taken care of by their spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to us. I was a wreck. We were hemorrhaging money because our expenses had gotten really high. But what I did was tell him he was amazing, that he can do anything he put his mind to, and it would work out. (All while freaking out inside and worried he would never get another job and we'd go broke.) He needed to not feel desperate in interviews. He needed to feel confident and powerful. After he got the new, better job, he thanked me for believing in him and not freaking out.

It was a bad break, completely not his fault. And he has always supported me and our kids. He deserved to have strong support behind him.

So glad it worked out. Thanks for sharing.

It did. I was talking to a friend last week about how I was sure we were ruined. I'd get in the car and drive to run errands by myself and cry. And now his career is now better than ever. But I never showed him my worry. I was surprised that I could be that strong. But I did it for him and our kids. No question it's scary, OP. But if you can help him you will be proud of yourself that you could be so strong. I worry that you are saying he is ruining your lives. That is a lot of pressure and blame.

I was strong like that and supporive the first 6-8 months. But as more time has gone by and prospective jobs dont make offers, it has taken more and more of a toll. When I say that its ruining our life, Im not just talking about me. This situation has ruined his life individually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 are you me?

Sounds like my situation- husband been unemployed- I’m barely holding it together- so much resentment.

+2
Me too. It totally socks and I'm actually pondering divorce. I have enough anxiety of my own and cannot deal with his expectations for me to do all the housework, food prep, child care and still be the only one working.

I feel like I have daily breakdowns. I cry, feel sorry for our situation, then feel bad I’m not being supportive.
I want to talk to someone- hoping to make a connection for him. I’ve been prayerful and hopeful- all that I can do.
I work part time, then do some private tutoring in the evening.

Some days I can’t catch my breath.
I can only image how he’s feeling… he feels lost, depressed, like a loser… it’s so hard watching your spouse fail.

OP here- youve summed it up exactly. Many sleepless nights over here and then the daytime is so hard because Im mentally exhausted and tired from not sleeping. Although going to work and being busy there feels like a vacation away from the turmoil I feel when Im at home.

Yes- that’s exactly how it is. And then I have to come home… curious to know what he did or didn’t do… sleeping in, not motivated…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP didn’t say a thing about her trying to get a higher-paid job. All she apparently wants to do is blame her spouse for having made what at the time was a choice to earn more money for their family but in retrospect was a bad decision. Women like her are disgusting. Whenever things get tough they revert to very traditional attitudes that they deserve to be taken care of by their spouses.

I guess you dont know how to read. I wont repeat myself if you decided to comment without reading all the posts. You should go educate yourself and learn to read and maybe dont put your own issues from your life onto someone on an anonymous post. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

God bless our families. Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything.

I say this prayer everyday. It frees me from knowing I don’t have to control everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 are you me?

Sounds like my situation- husband been unemployed- I’m barely holding it together- so much resentment.

+2
Me too. It totally socks and I'm actually pondering divorce. I have enough anxiety of my own and cannot deal with his expectations for me to do all the housework, food prep, child care and still be the only one working.

I feel like I have daily breakdowns. I cry, feel sorry for our situation, then feel bad I’m not being supportive.
I want to talk to someone- hoping to make a connection for him. I’ve been prayerful and hopeful- all that I can do.
I work part time, then do some private tutoring in the evening.

Some days I can’t catch my breath.
I can only image how he’s feeling… he feels lost, depressed, like a loser… it’s so hard watching your spouse fail.

OP here- youve summed it up exactly. Many sleepless nights over here and then the daytime is so hard because Im mentally exhausted and tired from not sleeping. Although going to work and being busy there feels like a vacation away from the turmoil I feel when Im at home.

Yes- that’s exactly how it is. And then I have to come home… curious to know what he did or didn’t do… sleeping in, not motivated…

If only we could have a support group for those of us going through it so we dont have the crazy/angry people who shouldnt be a part of the conversation, joining in!