What first made you suspicious that your spouse was having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Sticky, clumped together hair on the back of her head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SO many of these! The weird work schedule, the irritability, covering his tracks administratively (hiding the phone bill, opening a secret bank account.) I feel like being secretive with his phone is universal. Anyone seeing that should be concerned.

But one I haven't seen here is new sex tricks. I had been his first, and we'd been together 15 years, and he hated porn. When he started doing something new in bed, my hackles went up. Yeah, she told him something she liked, and he brought it straight home and tried it on me. Vile.

I posted here already. I’ve started to wonder if the affair started mi earlier than I thought, in which case it was more long distance. But yes - he for me new toys and was into sudden thing than previously. We relocated, and that’s when I noticed all the other stuff. It’s funny looking back that there were weird things if a at weird times.

[Anonymous]

First clue was Find my showed him at an apartment when he was supposed to be somewhere else but he proceeded to gaslight me and I believed him. Then came the STD and looking back many of the things already described (always putting phone face down, suddenly angry over nothing, improved dressing, working out, focusing on looks).

[Anonymous]

Sticky, clumped together hair on the back of her head.

Yuck x1000

Ho has to do what a ho has to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He came home from work and kissed me hello and his face smelled like..... you know what.

OPP 🤮

[Anonymous]

Her breath smelled like man juice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SO many of these! The weird work schedule, the irritability, covering his tracks administratively (hiding the phone bill, opening a secret bank account.) I feel like being secretive with his phone is universal. Anyone seeing that should be concerned.

But one I haven't seen here is new sex tricks. I had been his first, and we'd been together 15 years, and he hated porn. When he started doing something new in bed, my hackles went up. Yeah, she told him something she liked, and he brought it straight home and tried it on me. Vile.

You can't drop that and not share what the new move was. The thing with the cup?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was innocently checking FindMy as my DC walked home from school. Spouse was supposed to be driving home from work but was instead at a park. This happened a few times and when I confronted him, he said he was “decompressing” after work. Yeah, I bet. I stupidly believed him and he brazenly got more bold, but smarter, leaving his phone behind while having his dalliances.

Other signs:

• Couldn’t perform well or finish on occasion

• Would go to the gym after work (in his office building) but wasn’t getting in shape

• Weird phone behavior right before he’d proclaim he needed to run an errand

But most of all,

• This feeling I couldn’t shake that something was off. Don’t ignore this.

Did you do a post about the weird phone behavior before “errands”? There was one about this and I wondered what came of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these stories just makes me ill. The description of these men primping, buying new underwear, paying meticulous attention to personal hygiene, etc. This is what you do when you’re dating. How on earth can men with wives and families and homes live in that environment and still have the temerity to court a new woman? Like where is their humanity and ethics? This isn’t getting drunk at a bar on a business trip and messing up. This is getting ready for a date in your own home while your wife is in the next room, probably feeding your kids dinner. It’s chillingly sociopathic.

Well…he was doing it with a married woman so she was doing the same. Most of these guys are doing it with other married women

[Anonymous]

And many of these women chose to stay with these men.....I never cheated, never financially answer my ex wife, was a full 50% partner throughout our marriage and get she divorced me. My crime was that I was mostly working and was not emotionally supportive enough. Yet when I was around we still had sex, went on dates etc...

Some of the sh***t that these men put their wives through and still get second chances to me just show that it's very hard to know exactly what makes a woman finally leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these stories just makes me ill. The description of these men primping, buying new underwear, paying meticulous attention to personal hygiene, etc. This is what you do when you’re dating. How on earth can men with wives and families and homes live in that environment and still have the temerity to court a new woman? Like where is their humanity and ethics? This isn’t getting drunk at a bar on a business trip and messing up. This is getting ready for a date in your own home while your wife is in the next room, probably feeding your kids dinner. It’s chillingly sociopathic.

Well…he was doing it with a married woman so she was doing the same. Most of these guys are doing it with other married women

Why would a married woman unhappy in her marriage opt for another married men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And many of these women chose to stay with these men.....I never cheated, never financially answer my ex wife, was a full 50% partner throughout our marriage and get she divorced me. My crime was that I was mostly working and was not emotionally supportive enough. Yet when I was around we still had sex, went on dates etc...

Some of the sh***t that these men put their wives through and still get second chances to me just show that it's very hard to know exactly what makes a woman finally leave.

I have seen far more men losing their wives over the fact that they are never home than for cheating for them. It's kind of weird to me. It's like as long as you are home and emotionally supportive she will either turn a blind eye or forgive you for having sex with another woman. It seems that for women if their husbands just have sex with other women they can get over it. However an absent husband or a husband who isn't emotionally present has no chance. So very often the men who cheat don't neglect their wives at home it is as if they know the rule of the game to get a pass.

[Anonymous]

Not in his hotel room when I called the hotel whike he was on a work trip (in the years before texting).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in his hotel room when I called the hotel whike he was on a work trip (in the years before texting).

Oh I'm a PP and ypu just unlocked a memory for me. Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And many of these women chose to stay with these men.....I never cheated, never financially answer my ex wife, was a full 50% partner throughout our marriage and get she divorced me. My crime was that I was mostly working and was not emotionally supportive enough. Yet when I was around we still had sex, went on dates etc...

Some of the sh***t that these men put their wives through and still get second chances to me just show that it's very hard to know exactly what makes a woman finally leave.

I’m a long time reader of this forum and many of these women describe their husbands as “perfect” pre-affair.

My theory is that these men are living their life as a performance and they press down all their negative emotions until they come out in this explosive way- an affair, a mid life crisis, walking out. But their wives were deeply in love with that sweet, generous performance and will forgive it. I’ve seen this play out in real life.

A lot of these men compartmentalize in a way that healthy, otherwise imperfect people don’t. But spouses don’t appreciate that. I hope you find someone who appreciates you pp. I’m sure your wife will realize she lost a good partner.