My girlfriend quietly collected her things and left without a word during an argument

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with men getting angry at women is that women get scared violence may be coming. Men never worry that they'll get beat up or killed by a woman when they are in an argument with them.

OP, is it possible you made her feel unsafe?

Most educated and professional women in this day and age don't expect or receive any physical violence unless they are knowingly dating an addict or an abuser.

Wrong.
Any man can be or become an abuser. You sound like you’re victim blaming - she knew she was dating an abuser, she deserved it! Gfy 😊

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

If they are liars, why deal with them at all? What good does calling them out do? Consider also that they believe what they are saying and, technically, they aren't lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

The first rule of respectful communication is that you cannot hold others to higher standards than those you have for yourself.

It is unfair of you to think she should have kept her cool and stayed, when you had lost your patience, raised your voice and accused her of lying. Indeed, not raising her voice and simply leaving is a socially acceptable, AND RECOMMENDED, form of non-violent de-escalation.

She did the right thing. You did not.

For your own sake vis-a-vis future relationships, you really need to understand this.

Abusive man babies always have a double standard. He can yell his face off at her, but if she dares to raise her voice back? Probably a smack to the face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

No, you are not supposed to - not in the sense that you mean. You wait until you are calm, and then you talk it through. Ask questions. Figure out what was going on. Don't jump to conclusions. Once you decide what happened and what that means for you moving forward, speak up clearly and respectfully.

[Anonymous]

If you are a yeller and she is a liar, this isn't a relationship either of you needs. Text her that neither of you need a toxic relationship and ask her if she wants to pick up her toiletries or wants you to drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a yeller and she is a liar, this isn't a relationship either of you needs. Text her that neither of you need a toxic relationship and ask her if she wants to pick up her toiletries or wants you to drop it.

LOL, she already decided the relationship is toxic, and she left.

She. Doesn’t. Care. About. The. Toiletries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

Big picture: why do you want a GF who is a liar?

+1

What did she lie about?

About 1.5 months ago her friend came over and they went to brunch. Her friend is 34 with two kids and a husband by the way. The friend got drunk and was throwing up. My girlfriend got a call from her mom I guess because she couldn’t reach her friend/daughter. My gf told her that she was fine and the friend was with her and she’d have her (the friend) call her (the mom). I called her out for lying then and there. She said her mom is a very worrying helicopter parent and telling her how she was drunk would’ve sent her into a tailspin. The friend’s sister called too and she told the sister what happened and the sister said she had avoided their mom’s call because she knows how her mom gets. So, I told my gf that she should’ve just ignored her mom like the sister did instead of lying. She said her mom called her twice and avoiding her would’ve made it even worse, that she’s known her mom since they were teens and knows how to handle her. This turned into an argument then. We moved on from it the next day.

Fast forward to last night, she had mentioned something about honesty so I laughed and brought up her lying to her friend’s mom. She said she didn’t lie because she was fine because the friend was with her. I told her that’s not all she said to the mom because I heard her say, “girl we’re walking on U street and she had a few drinks”. She said she never said that and she knew I was embellishing because she would never talk to anyone’s parent that way. That she and her friend were back home already so why would she tell her mom they were walking around U street still, and if she was avoiding telling her mom she was drunk why would she tell her mom the friend had been drinking. She said she’d happily call her mom right now to repeat back what she told her that night. That’s when I said she was such a liar and I hated that for her and she left shortly after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

Big picture: why do you want a GF who is a liar?

+1

What did she lie about?

About 1.5 months ago her friend came over and they went to brunch. Her friend is 34 with two kids and a husband by the way. The friend got drunk and was throwing up. My girlfriend got a call from her mom I guess because she couldn’t reach her friend/daughter. My gf told her that she was fine and the friend was with her and she’d have her (the friend) call her (the mom). I called her out for lying then and there. She said her mom is a very worrying helicopter parent and telling her how she was drunk would’ve sent her into a tailspin. The friend’s sister called too and she told the sister what happened and the sister said she had avoided their mom’s call because she knows how her mom gets. So, I told my gf that she should’ve just ignored her mom like the sister did instead of lying. She said her mom called her twice and avoiding her would’ve made it even worse, that she’s known her mom since they were teens and knows how to handle her. This turned into an argument then. We moved on from it the next day.

Fast forward to last night, she had mentioned something about honesty so I laughed and brought up her lying to her friend’s mom. She said she didn’t lie because she was fine because the friend was with her. I told her that’s not all she said to the mom because I heard her say, “girl we’re walking on U street and she had a few drinks”. She said she never said that and she knew I was embellishing because she would never talk to anyone’s parent that way. That she and her friend were back home already so why would she tell her mom they were walking around U street still, and if she was avoiding telling her mom she was drunk why would she tell her mom the friend had been drinking. She said she’d happily call her mom right now to repeat back what she told her that night. That’s when I said she was such a liar and I hated that for her and she left shortly after.

I feel like this story sounds familiar. Did you post about this before, freaking out that your girlfriend "lied?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

Big picture: why do you want a GF who is a liar?

+1

What did she lie about?

About 1.5 months ago her friend came over and they went to brunch. Her friend is 34 with two kids and a husband by the way. The friend got drunk and was throwing up. My girlfriend got a call from her mom I guess because she couldn’t reach her friend/daughter. My gf told her that she was fine and the friend was with her and she’d have her (the friend) call her (the mom). I called her out for lying then and there. She said her mom is a very worrying helicopter parent and telling her how she was drunk would’ve sent her into a tailspin. The friend’s sister called too and she told the sister what happened and the sister said she had avoided their mom’s call because she knows how her mom gets. So, I told my gf that she should’ve just ignored her mom like the sister did instead of lying. She said her mom called her twice and avoiding her would’ve made it even worse, that she’s known her mom since they were teens and knows how to handle her. This turned into an argument then. We moved on from it the next day.

Fast forward to last night, she had mentioned something about honesty so I laughed and brought up her lying to her friend’s mom. She said she didn’t lie because she was fine because the friend was with her. I told her that’s not all she said to the mom because I heard her say, “girl we’re walking on U street and she had a few drinks”. She said she never said that and she knew I was embellishing because she would never talk to anyone’s parent that way. That she and her friend were back home already so why would she tell her mom they were walking around U street still, and if she was avoiding telling her mom she was drunk why would she tell her mom the friend had been drinking. She said she’d happily call her mom right now to repeat back what she told her that night. That’s when I said she was such a liar and I hated that for her and she left shortly after.

Byyyeeee!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

Big picture: why do you want a GF who is a liar?

+1

What did she lie about?

About 1.5 months ago her friend came over and they went to brunch. Her friend is 34 with two kids and a husband by the way. The friend got drunk and was throwing up. My girlfriend got a call from her mom I guess because she couldn’t reach her friend/daughter. My gf told her that she was fine and the friend was with her and she’d have her (the friend) call her (the mom). I called her out for lying then and there. She said her mom is a very worrying helicopter parent and telling her how she was drunk would’ve sent her into a tailspin. The friend’s sister called too and she told the sister what happened and the sister said she had avoided their mom’s call because she knows how her mom gets. So, I told my gf that she should’ve just ignored her mom like the sister did instead of lying. She said her mom called her twice and avoiding her would’ve made it even worse, that she’s known her mom since they were teens and knows how to handle her. This turned into an argument then. We moved on from it the next day.

Fast forward to last night, she had mentioned something about honesty so I laughed and brought up her lying to her friend’s mom. She said she didn’t lie because she was fine because the friend was with her. I told her that’s not all she said to the mom because I heard her say, “girl we’re walking on U street and she had a few drinks”. She said she never said that and she knew I was embellishing because she would never talk to anyone’s parent that way. That she and her friend were back home already so why would she tell her mom they were walking around U street still, and if she was avoiding telling her mom she was drunk why would she tell her mom the friend had been drinking. She said she’d happily call her mom right now to repeat back what she told her that night. That’s when I said she was such a liar and I hated that for her and she left shortly after.

I feel like this story sounds familiar. Did you post about this before, freaking out that your girlfriend "lied?"

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Yelling at this stage would be a red flag. I’ve been married for 13 years and we don’t yell at each other. Everyone is different but I would have walked too.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow. All that childish drama over something that happened over a month ago and didn't even involve you?

I cannot emphasize this enough: You are not mature enough for an adult relationship. She doesn't sound like a prize either, but she's not here and you are. Please pursue some kind of emotional education. Read a self-help book or something.

This petty rhetorical point-scoring is so outside the norm for healthy adults that I don't even know where to send you. This is reality TV level BS. Those shows make you think it's normal to interact this way, but I assure you it is not. Fix it or look forward to a lifetime of short, volatile relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

Big picture: why do you want a GF who is a liar?

+1

What did she lie about?

About 1.5 months ago her friend came over and they went to brunch. Her friend is 34 with two kids and a husband by the way. The friend got drunk and was throwing up. My girlfriend got a call from her mom I guess because she couldn’t reach her friend/daughter. My gf told her that she was fine and the friend was with her and she’d have her (the friend) call her (the mom). I called her out for lying then and there. She said her mom is a very worrying helicopter parent and telling her how she was drunk would’ve sent her into a tailspin. The friend’s sister called too and she told the sister what happened and the sister said she had avoided their mom’s call because she knows how her mom gets. So, I told my gf that she should’ve just ignored her mom like the sister did instead of lying. She said her mom called her twice and avoiding her would’ve made it even worse, that she’s known her mom since they were teens and knows how to handle her. This turned into an argument then. We moved on from it the next day.

Fast forward to last night, she had mentioned something about honesty so I laughed and brought up her lying to her friend’s mom. She said she didn’t lie because she was fine because the friend was with her. I told her that’s not all she said to the mom because I heard her say, “girl we’re walking on U street and she had a few drinks”. She said she never said that and she knew I was embellishing because she would never talk to anyone’s parent that way. That she and her friend were back home already so why would she tell her mom they were walking around U street still, and if she was avoiding telling her mom she was drunk why would she tell her mom the friend had been drinking. She said she’d happily call her mom right now to repeat back what she told her that night. That’s when I said she was such a liar and I hated that for her and she left shortly after.

In this situation, your GF's interactions with her friend and her friend's mom are not your business to judge. I assumed by "liar" it had something to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

Big picture: why do you want a GF who is a liar?

+1

What did she lie about?

About 1.5 months ago her friend came over and they went to brunch. Her friend is 34 with two kids and a husband by the way. The friend got drunk and was throwing up. My girlfriend got a call from her mom I guess because she couldn’t reach her friend/daughter. My gf told her that she was fine and the friend was with her and she’d have her (the friend) call her (the mom). I called her out for lying then and there. She said her mom is a very worrying helicopter parent and telling her how she was drunk would’ve sent her into a tailspin. The friend’s sister called too and she told the sister what happened and the sister said she had avoided their mom’s call because she knows how her mom gets. So, I told my gf that she should’ve just ignored her mom like the sister did instead of lying. She said her mom called her twice and avoiding her would’ve made it even worse, that she’s known her mom since they were teens and knows how to handle her. This turned into an argument then. We moved on from it the next day.

Fast forward to last night, she had mentioned something about honesty so I laughed and brought up her lying to her friend’s mom. She said she didn’t lie because she was fine because the friend was with her. I told her that’s not all she said to the mom because I heard her say, “girl we’re walking on U street and she had a few drinks”. She said she never said that and she knew I was embellishing because she would never talk to anyone’s parent that way. That she and her friend were back home already so why would she tell her mom they were walking around U street still, and if she was avoiding telling her mom she was drunk why would she tell her mom the friend had been drinking. She said she’d happily call her mom right now to repeat back what she told her that night. That’s when I said she was such a liar and I hated that for her and she left shortly after.

Wait was this what you were yelling and arguing about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

Big picture: why do you want a GF who is a liar?

+1

What did she lie about?

About 1.5 months ago her friend came over and they went to brunch. Her friend is 34 with two kids and a husband by the way. The friend got drunk and was throwing up. My girlfriend got a call from her mom I guess because she couldn’t reach her friend/daughter. My gf told her that she was fine and the friend was with her and she’d have her (the friend) call her (the mom). I called her out for lying then and there. She said her mom is a very worrying helicopter parent and telling her how she was drunk would’ve sent her into a tailspin. The friend’s sister called too and she told the sister what happened and the sister said she had avoided their mom’s call because she knows how her mom gets. So, I told my gf that she should’ve just ignored her mom like the sister did instead of lying. She said her mom called her twice and avoiding her would’ve made it even worse, that she’s known her mom since they were teens and knows how to handle her. This turned into an argument then. We moved on from it the next day.

Fast forward to last night, she had mentioned something about honesty so I laughed and brought up her lying to her friend’s mom. She said she didn’t lie because she was fine because the friend was with her. I told her that’s not all she said to the mom because I heard her say, “girl we’re walking on U street and she had a few drinks”. She said she never said that and she knew I was embellishing because she would never talk to anyone’s parent that way. That she and her friend were back home already so why would she tell her mom they were walking around U street still, and if she was avoiding telling her mom she was drunk why would she tell her mom the friend had been drinking. She said she’d happily call her mom right now to repeat back what she told her that night. That’s when I said she was such a liar and I hated that for her and she left shortly after.

Wait was this what you were yelling and arguing about?

Yes.