My girlfriend quietly collected her things and left without a word during an argument

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here is so dramatic.

It's entirely possible she is mature enough not to want to say something she'll regret, and so removed herself from the temptation. Text once to own your part of the argument and let her know how you feel, then leave the ball in her court.

See, I think her leaving is immature. I get if someone needs time to cool off but say that.

Yelling and name calling isn’t immature?
Yeah she was smart for leaving and NOT entertaining his temper tantrum..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

Big picture: why do you want a GF who is a liar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here is so dramatic.

It's entirely possible she is mature enough not to want to say something she'll regret, and so removed herself from the temptation. Text once to own your part of the argument and let her know how you feel, then leave the ball in her court.

See, I think her leaving is immature. I get if someone needs time to cool off but say that.

See, I think you’re minimizing your own behavior—and the impact on other people that you supposedly care about. You’re the one that yelled and called her a name. Even here, you’re calling her “immature “ while continuing t minimize your own aggressive behavior. She’s not “cooling off”. She’s done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with men getting angry at women is that women get scared violence may be coming. Men never worry that they'll get beat up or killed by a woman when they are in an argument with them.

OP, is it possible you made her feel unsafe?

Not a chance. I did get kind of heated and she told me to that I needed to bring it down and not yell. She didn’t leave until I told her she was a liar.

If you had decided you could no longer trust her, you should have broken up with her. In order to break up with someone, you don't need to call them names (liar) or yell. Just do it calmly and respectfully. How old are you? And what brought you to DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

Big picture: why do you want a GF who is a liar?

+1

What did she lie about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

You can say you don't believe that to be true or that you have a different opinion on what happened. It doesn't call her a name.

The other poster is right. If she is a liar, why do you want her as a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with men getting angry at women is that women get scared violence may be coming. Men never worry that they'll get beat up or killed by a woman when they are in an argument with them.

OP, is it possible you made her feel unsafe?

Most educated and professional women in this day and age don't expect or receive any physical violence unless they are knowingly dating an addict or an abuser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with men getting angry at women is that women get scared violence may be coming. Men never worry that they'll get beat up or killed by a woman when they are in an argument with them.

OP, is it possible you made her feel unsafe?

+1
Upset men can and do murder their female partners. It’s extremely likely OP intentionally intimidated her and thought she’d curl up into a pliable submissive ball.

Good for her for not. Nice to see women with standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wait, I'm the PP who said people were being dramatic. I didn't see the part about you calling her a liar. If she smart, she's not coming back. No one has to stay with someone who calls them insulting childish names. YTA.

If someone lied/is liar what else do you say? Am I not supposed to call that out?

"You liar!" vs "I don't agree with that assessment" or "That isn't how I would characterize that."

Which would you react better to?

And as a PP said, if you're so convinced of her dishonesty such that you would scream an epithet at her, why do you want to stay with her anyway?

[Anonymous]

OP,

The first rule of respectful communication is that you cannot hold others to higher standards than those you have for yourself.

It is unfair of you to think she should have kept her cool and stayed, when you had lost your patience, raised your voice and accused her of lying. Indeed, not raising her voice and simply leaving is a socially acceptable, AND RECOMMENDED, form of non-violent de-escalation.

She did the right thing. You did not.

For your own sake vis-a-vis future relationships, you really need to understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with men getting angry at women is that women get scared violence may be coming. Men never worry that they'll get beat up or killed by a woman when they are in an argument with them.

OP, is it possible you made her feel unsafe?

Not a chance. I did get kind of heated and she told me to that I needed to bring it down and not yell. She didn’t leave until I told her she was a liar.

I wouldn't stay if someone called me a liar and I had to tell them not to yell. My DH has rarely yelled in our 25 year marriage. While I know he wouldn't harm me, I find it distressing and it will cause me to shut down entirely and try to get away from the situation.

OP, likely she's having a serious "think."

Assuming you understand that yelling and name calling is unacceptable, I would give it a day or two then reach out with a text. First, apologize for your behavior. Second ask to meet at her convenience (and on her timeline) to talk.

You want to give her space- controlling behavior at this point is going to make things worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you get into arguments with someone you supposedly love?

Well, in real world your loved ones are the people you argue the most because your interests are tied and both of you know that argument is about the topic at hand, there is no animosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Describe the heated part in more detail

Nothing crazy I just was angry and was kind of yelling. I was frustrated.

So you originally said you weren’t yelling. Now you say you were “kind of” yelling. If you want to fix this (or honestly, have any hope of a successful relationship in the future) you need to do some deeper introspection. It sounds like you 100% WERE yelling at her, because she asked you to stop. And then you call her a liar? What’s wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with men getting angry at women is that women get scared violence may be coming. Men never worry that they'll get beat up or killed by a woman when they are in an argument with them.

OP, is it possible you made her feel unsafe?

Not a chance. I did get kind of heated and she told me to that I needed to bring it down and not yell. She didn’t leave until I told her she was a liar.

Nice trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with men getting angry at women is that women get scared violence may be coming. Men never worry that they'll get beat up or killed by a woman when they are in an argument with them.

OP, is it possible you made her feel unsafe?

Most educated and professional women in this day and age don't expect or receive any physical violence unless they are knowingly dating an addict or an abuser.

I'm pretty educated and professional, and I instinctively flinch and get a nasty adrenaline OD on the rare occasion someone truly yells at me. Thanks, mom, for always escalating so predictably, from silent treatment, to sarcasm, to screaming, to hitting. Those patterns are set in stone in my brain.