5PM Wedding-MIL wants to wear a hat

[Anonymous]

It simply does not matter. At all.

BTW, OP, why don’t you want her to wear a hat? Why is it so important to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defined by whom?

Not the PP. But defined by etiquette standards. That the standards don't matter to some people now is another issue. But it is a standard that many people still adhere to.

And, again, OP stating that it's a 5pm wedding means she is in some way thinking she is adhering to standards -- or she's using that as an excuse so MIL can't wear a hat.

You're citing outdated etiquette just to prove that OP is wrong. Most weddings these days start between 4-5pm and are cocktail or formal/black-tie optional attire. When is the last time you saw someone wear a hat to a wedding?

Two weeks ago, at a 1:00 pm afternoon wedding. The hats were lovely.

What was the dress code? Surely not cocktail, semi-formal, or formal at 1pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

To be fair, Brits don't even wear hats to evening weddings. People claiming that we do are also just using it to antagonize OP.

I think it depends on the setting. My British MIL and SIL wore hats to my 5 pm outdoor wedding in Sonoma, which I felt was totally appropriate and lovely.

What is the location/setting, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defined by whom?

Not the PP. But defined by etiquette standards. That the standards don't matter to some people now is another issue. But it is a standard that many people still adhere to.

And, again, OP stating that it's a 5pm wedding means she is in some way thinking she is adhering to standards -- or she's using that as an excuse so MIL can't wear a hat.

You're citing outdated etiquette just to prove that OP is wrong. Most weddings these days start between 4-5pm and are cocktail or formal/black-tie optional attire. When is the last time you saw someone wear a hat to a wedding?

Two weeks ago, at a 1:00 pm afternoon wedding. The hats were lovely.

Okay. Do you see how a 1pm afternoon wedding is different from a 5pm wedding?

Of course I do. But your question was, "When is the last time you saw someone wear a hat to a wedding?" I responded.

If you're going to get prickly, you should be more precise with your wording next time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

All you have to do is Google and you'll see that it is still currently okay to wear a hat up at 5pm.

It is okay. But when do you see it at 5pm? I was just at a wedding that started at 4 a few weeks ago. No hats.

I hear you. But I would venture to say that in the US not many people are wearing hats to weddings at all anymore. So seeing no hats at 4 pm or whenever really isn't at issue.

It boils down to why doesn't OP want MIL to wear a hat. She thinks it's inappropriate? Technically, it's not. Attention-grabber at OP's wedding? Then in this case, not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Excellent troll getting the British to argue with the Southerners. 9/10

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excellent troll getting the British to argue with the Southerners. 9/10

Hahahahahaha

[Anonymous]

Why do you care?? Let her wear the hat!

[Anonymous]

I feel for the OP because it would be such a bummer to be a person who cares about this.

[Anonymous]

My relatives wore hats to my European wedding, in the family castle, daytime ceremony. Everyone showed up in hats, because that's what's expected.

You can maybe discuss this with her further, but if she really wants to wear one, please don't fight her on this. This is so minor!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

All you have to do is Google and you'll see that it is still currently okay to wear a hat up at 5pm.

It is okay. But when do you see it at 5pm? I was just at a wedding that started at 4 a few weeks ago. No hats.

I hear you. But I would venture to say that in the US not many people are wearing hats to weddings at all anymore. So seeing no hats at 4 pm or whenever really isn't at issue.

It boils down to why doesn't OP want MIL to wear a hat. She thinks it's inappropriate? Technically, it's not. Attention-grabber at OP's wedding? Then in this case, not appropriate.

I hear you, too, but Idk I just don't agree! In the US not many people wear hats to weddings anymore so wearing one is inherently attention-seeking!

The hat itself is okay etiquette-wise but attention seeking is always a no-no!

[Anonymous]

I love a good hat. Let her wear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

All you have to do is Google and you'll see that it is still currently okay to wear a hat up at 5pm.

It is okay. But when do you see it at 5pm? I was just at a wedding that started at 4 a few weeks ago. No hats.

I hear you. But I would venture to say that in the US not many people are wearing hats to weddings at all anymore. So seeing no hats at 4 pm or whenever really isn't at issue.

It boils down to why doesn't OP want MIL to wear a hat. She thinks it's inappropriate? Technically, it's not. Attention-grabber at OP's wedding? Then in this case, not appropriate.

I hear you, too, but Idk I just don't agree! In the US not many people wear hats to weddings anymore so wearing one is inherently attention-seeking!

The hat itself is okay etiquette-wise but attention seeking is always a no-no!

Basically, we are saying the same thing. The difference is that I am giving a tiny bit of grace to the MIL if she thinks this is appropriate attire and has waited her whole life to wear a hat to a wedding. But, if it is as you are saying that no matter the etiquette, MIL wearing a hat for any reason is attention-seeking, then agreed, if OP doesn't want her to wear the hat she shouldn't.

However, I really don't think this is a hill to die on. Separately, this is reminding me in concept of the post by the guy who wants to secretly set aside the 1M for his parents and not tell his fiancee about it. Just bad ways to go into marriages.

[Anonymous]

It's weird that you care so much. If you're worried about your MIL wearing a hat and you're about to get married you likely have bigger problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

All you have to do is Google and you'll see that it is still currently okay to wear a hat up at 5pm.

It is okay. But when do you see it at 5pm? I was just at a wedding that started at 4 a few weeks ago. No hats.

I hear you. But I would venture to say that in the US not many people are wearing hats to weddings at all anymore. So seeing no hats at 4 pm or whenever really isn't at issue.

It boils down to why doesn't OP want MIL to wear a hat. She thinks it's inappropriate? Technically, it's not. Attention-grabber at OP's wedding? Then in this case, not appropriate.

I hear you, too, but Idk I just don't agree! In the US not many people wear hats to weddings anymore so wearing one is inherently attention-seeking!

The hat itself is okay etiquette-wise but attention seeking is always a no-no!

Basically, we are saying the same thing. The difference is that I am giving a tiny bit of grace to the MIL if she thinks this is appropriate attire and has waited her whole life to wear a hat to a wedding. But, if it is as you are saying that no matter the etiquette, MIL wearing a hat for any reason is attention-seeking, then agreed, if OP doesn't want her to wear the hat she shouldn't.

However, I really don't think this is a hill to die on. Separately, this is reminding me in concept of the post by the guy who wants to secretly set aside the 1M for his parents and not tell his fiancee about it. Just bad ways to go into marriages.

Oh yes, I agree there. I would have the fiancé tell Mom, “Look, Jane really doesn’t want hats for XYZ reason please don’t” once. But I dont think it’s a hill worth dying on.