5PM Wedding-MIL wants to wear a hat

[Anonymous]

Here is her hat!

Https://sl.bing.net/dIc5zI77CMe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

To be fair, Brits don't even wear hats to evening weddings. People claiming that we do are also just using it to antagonize OP.

I think it depends on the setting. My British MIL and SIL wore hats to my 5 pm outdoor wedding in Sonoma, which I felt was totally appropriate and lovely.

What is the location/setting, OP?

Same here. In-laws all wore fascinators to our 5pm wedding. The wedding was held in a garden/courtyard of a historic house so the fascinators matched the setting perfectly.

I don’t think OP has given any details on setting. It could be appropriate or it could be a totally weird accessory that will look silly. Though tbh if the latter is the case then it’s more her MIL’s problem.

[Anonymous]

OP hasn’t said why.

[Anonymous]

Who cares?

A hat??

Better than a white dress.

[Anonymous]

BRIDEZILLA ALERT
BRIDEZILLA ALERT
BRIDEZILLA ALERT
BRIDEZILLA ALERT
BRIDEZILLA ALERT
BRIDEZILLA ALERT
BRIDEZILLA ALERT

[Anonymous]

Is she British? It’s very common for ladies to wear hats. Let her wear a hat please. It’s kind of our thing. She will most likely take it off as the evening goes on. Enjoy your wedding. This really isn’t a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Let it go, OP. She gets to decide what she wears on her own body. She will look stupid but why is that your problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is her hat!

Https://sl.bing.net/dIc5zI77CMe

Seriously, I want to know what kind of hat she is going to wear.

Do brides really dictate the parents dress code? How did she even know she would be wearing a hat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her wear the hat and look stupid. Everyone else will notice too.

This is the way

[Anonymous]

I don’t know that it’s necessarily attention seeking. Is it an outdoor wedding and MIL is worried about the sun? Is she sensitive about thinning hair? She might have a particular concern that wearing a hat would address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know all these little things about the wedding seem important now, but at some point you will look back and truly not GAF. But if you end up with people's feelings getting hurt, people will remember that.

+100 Tell her the hat is lovely. You are starting a MIL relationship for the rest of your life. It takes nothing to be gracious about this but fighting her on it makes you look petty and sets up your relationship on a really bad trajectory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know that it’s necessarily attention seeking. Is it an outdoor wedding and MIL is worried about the sun? Is she sensitive about thinning hair? She might have a particular concern that wearing a hat would address.

+1 a lot of older people are sensitive and hate outdoor weddings in the sun, heat etc.

[Anonymous]

I think it will look odd in photos if she's the only one wearing a gigantic hat. I might ask her to take it off for photos.
Also, if it's inside at a church it isn't what I think is normal attire in my circle, so I could get being bothered if she's attention seeking or it's a huge hat that is going to be cumbersome.
Otherwise I think you have to let it go OP. And people who are telling you it won't matter in a couple of years are absolutely correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Elegant hats are frequently worn to British weddings with very elegant, formal suits and dresses. She's probably seen those.

At 5pm, it isn't a formal wedding, so a hat would be fine with the semi-formal suit or dress.

To daytime weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My relatives wore hats to my European wedding, in the family castle, daytime ceremony. Everyone showed up in hats, because that's what's expected.

You can maybe discuss this with her further, but if she really wants to wear one, please don't fight her on this. This is so minor!

Man I wish I could drop "in the family castle" in casual conversation!