5PM Wedding-MIL wants to wear a hat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she British?

NP here. British people wouldn't wear a hat to a 5pm wedding (hats are for earlier in the day). The odds are, she is inspired by British wedding fashion, but she is not British.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elegant hats are frequently worn to British weddings with very elegant, formal suits and dresses. She's probably seen those.

At 5pm, it isn't a formal wedding, so a hat would be fine with the semi-formal suit or dress.

Why does the time matter for whether a hat is appropriate ?

Have to say, this is a delightful thread. Of all the things to worry about.

Do you really not know?

6:00 pm is the cut-off time for hats, unless they are cocktail hats.

I thought everyone knew that.

SOOO, OP, your MIL is correct.

I can't tell if this person is being sarcastic, or if this is actually a thing. I would think hats are historically worn becuase people used to wear them all the time in church, but in some cultures women continue to wear them to church. Or because it's an outdoor wedding and sunny.
Historically, evening weddings weren't as much a thing. Morning weddings with luncheons to follow were more traditional for various religious and cultural reasons.

PP here. You're not from the South, are you?

It's absolutely a thing.

Hats are for daytime attire, defined as an event before cocktail hour, which is 6:00.

I grew up UMC in the South. No one wears hats to a 5pm wedding. No one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defined by whom?

Not the PP. But defined by etiquette standards. That the standards don't matter to some people now is another issue. But it is a standard that many people still adhere to.

And, again, OP stating that it's a 5pm wedding means she is in some way thinking she is adhering to standards -- or she's using that as an excuse so MIL can't wear a hat.

You're citing outdated etiquette just to prove that OP is wrong. Most weddings these days start between 4-5pm and are cocktail or formal/black-tie optional attire. When is the last time you saw someone wear a hat to a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

To be fair, Brits don't even wear hats to evening weddings. People claiming that we do are also just using it to antagonize OP.

[Anonymous]

Most brides to varying degrees get to dictate what the mother of the bride and mother of the groom wear. (And we've seen MILs complain here about the restraints some DIL have put on them. She said no blue, which is the only color I look good in! Whatever.)

If this is hugely important to OP then fiancé should say to his mom that Larla would prefer she not wear a hat. A good MIL wouldn't wear the hat and be fine with it. A bad MIL would either wear the hat anyway, or not wear it and hold it against DIL for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elegant hats are frequently worn to British weddings with very elegant, formal suits and dresses. She's probably seen those.

At 5pm, it isn't a formal wedding, so a hat would be fine with the semi-formal suit or dress.

Why does the time matter for whether a hat is appropriate ?

Have to say, this is a delightful thread. Of all the things to worry about.

Do you really not know?

6:00 pm is the cut-off time for hats, unless they are cocktail hats.

I thought everyone knew that.

SOOO, OP, your MIL is correct.

I can't tell if this person is being sarcastic, or if this is actually a thing. I would think hats are historically worn becuase people used to wear them all the time in church, but in some cultures women continue to wear them to church. Or because it's an outdoor wedding and sunny.
Historically, evening weddings weren't as much a thing. Morning weddings with luncheons to follow were more traditional for various religious and cultural reasons.

PP here. You're not from the South, are you?

It's absolutely a thing.

Hats are for daytime attire, defined as an event before cocktail hour, which is 6:00.

I grew up UMC in the South. No one wears hats to a 5pm wedding. No one.

You of course missed the point...

[Anonymous]

It's weird. Have your fiancé tell her it's inappropriate and if she insists, just pick your battles.

The issue is not whether she wants to wear a hat, it's whether your DH-to-be has your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

All you have to do is Google and you'll see that it is still currently okay to wear a hat up at 5pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defined by whom?

Not the PP. But defined by etiquette standards. That the standards don't matter to some people now is another issue. But it is a standard that many people still adhere to.

And, again, OP stating that it's a 5pm wedding means she is in some way thinking she is adhering to standards -- or she's using that as an excuse so MIL can't wear a hat.

You're citing outdated etiquette just to prove that OP is wrong. Most weddings these days start between 4-5pm and are cocktail or formal/black-tie optional attire. When is the last time you saw someone wear a hat to a wedding?

Two weeks ago, at a 1:00 pm afternoon wedding. The hats were lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elegant hats are frequently worn to British weddings with very elegant, formal suits and dresses. She's probably seen those.

At 5pm, it isn't a formal wedding, so a hat would be fine with the semi-formal suit or dress.

Why does the time matter for whether a hat is appropriate ?

Have to say, this is a delightful thread. Of all the things to worry about.

Do you really not know?

6:00 pm is the cut-off time for hats, unless they are cocktail hats.

I thought everyone knew that.

SOOO, OP, your MIL is correct.

I can't tell if this person is being sarcastic, or if this is actually a thing. I would think hats are historically worn becuase people used to wear them all the time in church, but in some cultures women continue to wear them to church. Or because it's an outdoor wedding and sunny.
Historically, evening weddings weren't as much a thing. Morning weddings with luncheons to follow were more traditional for various religious and cultural reasons.

PP here. You're not from the South, are you?

It's absolutely a thing.

Hats are for daytime attire, defined as an event before cocktail hour, which is 6:00.

I grew up UMC in the South. No one wears hats to a 5pm wedding. No one.

You of course missed the point...

I absolutely did. You are saying that because of some arcane rule about 6pm being the cut-off for evening attire, a hat is totally appropriate for a 5pm wedding. It is not. If the dress code is cocktail or formal, regardless of what time it is, the polite thing to do is follow the dress code and fit in.

Wearing a hat to a 5pm wedding in a culture where people do not typically wear hats to weddings is attention seeking. Attention seeking behavior is rude, especially at a wedding, especially when it is not your wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defined by whom?

Not the PP. But defined by etiquette standards. That the standards don't matter to some people now is another issue. But it is a standard that many people still adhere to.

And, again, OP stating that it's a 5pm wedding means she is in some way thinking she is adhering to standards -- or she's using that as an excuse so MIL can't wear a hat.

You're citing outdated etiquette just to prove that OP is wrong. Most weddings these days start between 4-5pm and are cocktail or formal/black-tie optional attire. When is the last time you saw someone wear a hat to a wedding?

Two weeks ago, at a 1:00 pm afternoon wedding. The hats were lovely.

Okay. Do you see how a 1pm afternoon wedding is different from a 5pm wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

All you have to do is Google and you'll see that it is still currently okay to wear a hat up at 5pm.

It is okay. But when do you see it at 5pm? I was just at a wedding that started at 4 a few weeks ago. No hats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elegant hats are frequently worn to British weddings with very elegant, formal suits and dresses. She's probably seen those.

At 5pm, it isn't a formal wedding, so a hat would be fine with the semi-formal suit or dress.

Why does the time matter for whether a hat is appropriate ?

Have to say, this is a delightful thread. Of all the things to worry about.

Do you really not know?

6:00 pm is the cut-off time for hats, unless they are cocktail hats.

I thought everyone knew that.

SOOO, OP, your MIL is correct.

I can't tell if this person is being sarcastic, or if this is actually a thing. I would think hats are historically worn becuase people used to wear them all the time in church, but in some cultures women continue to wear them to church. Or because it's an outdoor wedding and sunny.
Historically, evening weddings weren't as much a thing. Morning weddings with luncheons to follow were more traditional for various religious and cultural reasons.

PP here. You're not from the South, are you?

It's absolutely a thing.

Hats are for daytime attire, defined as an event before cocktail hour, which is 6:00.

I grew up UMC in the South. No one wears hats to a 5pm wedding. No one.

You of course missed the point...

I absolutely did. You are saying that because of some arcane rule about 6pm being the cut-off for evening attire, a hat is totally appropriate for a 5pm wedding. It is not. If the dress code is cocktail or formal, regardless of what time it is, the polite thing to do is follow the dress code and fit in.

Wearing a hat to a 5pm wedding in a culture where people do not typically wear hats to weddings is attention seeking. Attention seeking behavior is rude, especially at a wedding, especially when it is not your wedding.

I agree with this.

DCUM just hates brides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

All you have to do is Google and you'll see that it is still currently okay to wear a hat up at 5pm.

It is okay. But when do you see it at 5pm? I was just at a wedding that started at 4 a few weeks ago. No hats.

This. People act like because the rules say it's allowed it's common and it is not.