​Do you regret not pushing your kid harder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women like men who are engaged in activities, such as golf and music, but they don't care so much how good they are. If he want to learn golf and music - or bridge or calligraphy or whatever - then he should. It's OK to be a beginner, especially at 26!

Women like men who are good with music and golf. They do not like beginner golfers or musicians. FWIW, I work in a corporate environment with a golf team, and they only pick experience golfers. Beginner golfers are not invited.

GTFOH. Most women don’t give a sh*t about how good of a golfer you are. In fact, they don’t have a tolerance for guys who are golfing every weekend. Do you know what catnip an Ivy Leaguer who makes $$$ is? Self-confidence is the issue for this young man. Feeling vulnerable enough to suck at something before you get better is hard. But this is what your 20s are for!

Women don't give a sh*t about how good of a golfer you are, but they do give a sh*t about the size of your wallet. 99% of the good golfers that I know are successful people.

Back to the topic at hand, I have two young boys and I am pushing really hard in both sports and music. I told them they can stop both after they turn 18. I hated it when my dad pushed me into sports and music when I was young but I am so grateful now for what he did now that I am an adult.

I am originally from China so I am the law, do everything I tell you to do until you turn 18. Otherwise, do not let the door hit you on the way out.

You are confusing cause and effect. Golf is an expensive sport and only 20% of all golfers can shoot better than a 90. The ones with more $$$s to start for the most part are the good golfers. Ironically, the poorest good golfers are the ones who try to go pro and don't make it and often end up working as the golf pro at the country club.

It's no different than saying that 99% of legitimately good skiers (defined as some form of racing metric) are also successful people...since it takes a ton of money and time to become legitimately "good".

I grew up in China and everyone I hang out with is either single digit or scratch golfers. All of us came from wealthy families. Golf is very hard to learn and master, with a lot of money so the younger you start, you will have a much better chance of shooting 80 or below. You can play music or golf in your mid 20's, but it is almost impossible to be as good as someone who started at the age of five or six. Confidence comes from knowing you can do something really well, not something you start to learn in your 20's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women like men who are engaged in activities, such as golf and music, but they don't care so much how good they are. If he want to learn golf and music - or bridge or calligraphy or whatever - then he should. It's OK to be a beginner, especially at 26!

Women like men who are good with music and golf. They do not like beginner golfers or musicians. FWIW, I work in a corporate environment with a golf team, and they only pick experience golfers. Beginner golfers are not invited.

GTFOH. Most women don’t give a sh*t about how good of a golfer you are. In fact, they don’t have a tolerance for guys who are golfing every weekend. Do you know what catnip an Ivy Leaguer who makes $$$ is? Self-confidence is the issue for this young man. Feeling vulnerable enough to suck at something before you get better is hard. But this is what your 20s are for!

Women don't give a sh*t about how good of a golfer you are, but they do give a sh*t about the size of your wallet. 99% of the good golfers that I know are successful people.

Back to the topic at hand, I have two young boys and I am pushing really hard in both sports and music. I told them they can stop both after they turn 18. I hated it when my dad pushed me into sports and music when I was young but I am so grateful now for what he did now that I am an adult.

I am originally from China so I am the law, do everything I tell you to do until you turn 18. Otherwise, do not let the door hit you on the way out.

You are confusing cause and effect. Golf is an expensive sport and only 20% of all golfers can shoot better than a 90. The ones with more $$$s to start for the most part are the good golfers. Ironically, the poorest good golfers are the ones who try to go pro and don't make it and often end up working as the golf pro at the country club.

It's no different than saying that 99% of legitimately good skiers (defined as some form of racing metric) are also successful people...since it takes a ton of money and time to become legitimately "good".

I grew up in China and everyone I hang out with is either single digit or scratch golfers. All of us came from wealthy families. Golf is very hard to learn and master, with a lot of money so the younger you start, you will have a much better chance of shooting 80 or below. You can play music or golf in your mid 20's, but it is almost impossible to be as good as someone who started at the age of five or six. Confidence comes from knowing you can do something really well, not something you start to learn in your 20's.

Nobody needs to be able to shoot an 80 or below if you are golfing to network in the business world. Most senior business people are in the 80% that can’t even shoot a 90.

More important you can shoot the shit well for the 3 hours golfing vs be a great golfer.

For the most part, pushing your kid is so they are able to play an instrument or sport for fun and move past the frustrating parts of first learning. Being able to learn to play pop songs on a guitar vs not even knowing how to play a chord…being able to consistently drive, iron and chip the golf ball in the air and generally in the direction of the hole vs barely getting the ball airborne.

That’s how it becomes interesting enough to keep doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody needs to be able to shoot an 80 or below if you are golfing to network in the business world. Most senior business people are in the 80% that can’t even shoot a 90.

More important you can shoot the shit well for the 3 hours golfing vs be a great golfer.

For the most part, pushing your kid is so they are able to play an instrument or sport for fun and move past the frustrating parts of first learning. Being able to learn to play pop songs on a guitar vs not even knowing how to play a chord…being able to consistently drive, iron and chip the golf ball in the air and generally in the direction of the hole vs barely getting the ball airborne.

That’s how it becomes interesting enough to keep doing it.

I recently played with the company CEO, CFO and CIO at Riverbend CC, and they shot around 120 (i.e. triple bogey round). However, I was the only one who got invited to play along with them because I have the best score in the company (+1). I am also teamed up to play along with the CEO next week in a best balls tournament. They would not have me teamed up with the CEO if I was shooting 90+. I am currently a typical software engineer, but if I play my card right, I would get promoted to either director or Sr. director very soon. Being good in golf is very important in the business world.

[Anonymous]

Really hardest part of parenting, are you pushing too hard or not enough with activities? Are you being too demanding with grades or too sympathetic? Are you being too strict with punishment or making a mistake by occasionally bending the rules. I don’t have any answers but look back and know I tried my hardest, had their best interest in mind at all times and tried to enjoy the ride. It’s tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody needs to be able to shoot an 80 or below if you are golfing to network in the business world. Most senior business people are in the 80% that can’t even shoot a 90.

More important you can shoot the shit well for the 3 hours golfing vs be a great golfer.

For the most part, pushing your kid is so they are able to play an instrument or sport for fun and move past the frustrating parts of first learning. Being able to learn to play pop songs on a guitar vs not even knowing how to play a chord…being able to consistently drive, iron and chip the golf ball in the air and generally in the direction of the hole vs barely getting the ball airborne.

That’s how it becomes interesting enough to keep doing it.

I recently played with the company CEO, CFO and CIO at Riverbend CC, and they shot around 120 (i.e. triple bogey round). However, I was the only one who got invited to play along with them because I have the best score in the company (+1). I am also teamed up to play along with the CEO next week in a best balls tournament. They would not have me teamed up with the CEO if I was shooting 90+. I am currently a typical software engineer, but if I play my card right, I would get promoted to either director or Sr. director very soon. Being good in golf is very important in the business world.

Your statement makes no sense. If the top executives of the company shoot a 120…then you don’t have to be a strong golfer to become a top executive or those guys wouldn’t have made it.

Are you following the logic? Sure, you get bonus points for helping win the contest, but if you aren’t interesting or entertaining to hang with, your utility will end there.

Again…are you smart enough to follow this?

[Anonymous]

I do feel like may be should've pushed them in direction of more lucrative tracks like medicine, actuary, finance etc so they didn't have to worry about money and we didn't have to feel the need to subsidize them.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to get some therapy and STFU -- but in a nice, non-alienating way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 26-year-old oldest son and I had a long conversation yesterday, and he told me that he wished that I would have pushed him much harder into music and sports activities when he was younger.

I put him to take piano and guitar at the age of six, golf at the age of six, and tennis at the age of seven. It was a constant struggle with him from the age of six until he turned eleven, because he said to me that he hated them. He was really into academics and fought me every step along the way. I gave up on him about music/sports at the age of eleven. He graduated from an Ivy and is making a lot of money; however, he feels like he doesn't have anything else in his life. He wants to learn music and golf, but it is going to take a long time for him to learn. His dating life, according to him, is not that great either because, according to him, women are looking for guys with other qualities besides bringing home a big paycheck.

On the other hand, his 24-year-old younger brother was the complete opposite. He also started piano, music, golf and tennis at the age of six, and he took them very seriously until he left for college. He never complained about pushing him to do those things. He went to a state school and made so many friends there. He makes good money but his life, according to him, is very good. He plays sports and music with friends on most weekdays and weekends, and he also has a very busy dating life with a lot of women to choose from. He attributes that to how he was pushed by me as a child, and now he is benefitting from it.

​Do you regret not pushing your kid harder?

i think this is not a matter of pushing him harder at some earlier point in life.

Your two sons have different personalities and it seems that your older son may now envy for the type of balance he sees in his younger brother’s life.

So what do you do? Just tell your son he has worked really hard to achieve a top education and career, and that at some point (now?) it is okay for him to do some different things for enjoyment. It is never too late for him to try a new sport (swimming, pickleball, running,…) and learn a new instrument. There are so many in person or online classes. There are lots of informal music groups he could join.

But let him know that he and his brother are two different people and it is okay for them to have different paths in life.

Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody needs to be able to shoot an 80 or below if you are golfing to network in the business world. Most senior business people are in the 80% that can’t even shoot a 90.

More important you can shoot the shit well for the 3 hours golfing vs be a great golfer.

For the most part, pushing your kid is so they are able to play an instrument or sport for fun and move past the frustrating parts of first learning. Being able to learn to play pop songs on a guitar vs not even knowing how to play a chord…being able to consistently drive, iron and chip the golf ball in the air and generally in the direction of the hole vs barely getting the ball airborne.

That’s how it becomes interesting enough to keep doing it.

I recently played with the company CEO, CFO and CIO at Riverbend CC, and they shot around 120 (i.e. triple bogey round). However, I was the only one who got invited to play along with them because I have the best score in the company (+1). I am also teamed up to play along with the CEO next week in a best balls tournament. They would not have me teamed up with the CEO if I was shooting 90+. I am currently a typical software engineer, but if I play my card right, I would get promoted to either director or Sr. director very soon. Being good in golf is very important in the business world.

I know 3 CEOs, none of them ever played golf. One is my spouse, and he tried for 2 years and hasn't touched a golf club in the last 25+ years, except mini golf with the family. Sure it might help in some situations. But a much better use of your time and energy is to be good at your job and learn how to market yourself at company events/meetings. There are many more of those who advance than the lone person who plays golf really really well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody needs to be able to shoot an 80 or below if you are golfing to network in the business world. Most senior business people are in the 80% that can’t even shoot a 90.

More important you can shoot the shit well for the 3 hours golfing vs be a great golfer.

For the most part, pushing your kid is so they are able to play an instrument or sport for fun and move past the frustrating parts of first learning. Being able to learn to play pop songs on a guitar vs not even knowing how to play a chord…being able to consistently drive, iron and chip the golf ball in the air and generally in the direction of the hole vs barely getting the ball airborne.

That’s how it becomes interesting enough to keep doing it.

I recently played with the company CEO, CFO and CIO at Riverbend CC, and they shot around 120 (i.e. triple bogey round). However, I was the only one who got invited to play along with them because I have the best score in the company (+1). I am also teamed up to play along with the CEO next week in a best balls tournament. They would not have me teamed up with the CEO if I was shooting 90+. I am currently a typical software engineer, but if I play my card right, I would get promoted to either director or Sr. director very soon. Being good in golf is very important in the business world.

Your statement makes no sense. If the top executives of the company shoot a 120…then you don’t have to be a strong golfer to become a top executive or those guys wouldn’t have made it.

Are you following the logic? Sure, you get bonus points for helping win the contest, but if you aren’t interesting or entertaining to hang with, your utility will end there.

Again…are you smart enough to follow this?

I don't think you get it. Business guys who shoot 120 love to play with strong golfers. Just watching scratch golfers up close is a thrill for them. My law review editor colleague was captain of the Harvard golf team and scores at a scratch to plus two level. His career has been helped tremendously by golf. A shy quiet fellow to boot. I was taught golf at age 5 by an athletic mother and shoot in the mid-80s despite golf not being my thing. I can't understate how one's silly decent golf score matters in some social circles. I don't care much for golf, but do enjoy observing its collateral aspects from time to time.

I have taken one lesson in my lifetime. It was focused around how to get out of sand traps - and in a single shot. It was a great lesson and contrary to your assertions my sand trap play (forget the rest of my game - I don't play much) makes me a popular fellow when I play five or six times a year. I have played some of the best courses in the country, even winning a long drive contest at a business outing/tournament at Winged Foot! Connected on a gorilla swing. But I don't like fancy courses or people and enjoy the dog patch out in Front Royal immensely - no pretense - just a day out in the sun.

You question whether the poster is smart enough. I have a question. Do you have a top level athletic background? I was fortunate enough to be a NCAA D1 All American on scholarship. Poor kid who scraped though and I am wary of the elitist class. Value mental toughness, because I sure didn't make it on talent. Your statement gives off vibes of being an argumentative DCUM elitist kind of guy. Interesting to hear your response. Don't bother asking about my education either. It easily meets DCUM standards, although I am not sure that is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody needs to be able to shoot an 80 or below if you are golfing to network in the business world. Most senior business people are in the 80% that can’t even shoot a 90.

More important you can shoot the shit well for the 3 hours golfing vs be a great golfer.

For the most part, pushing your kid is so they are able to play an instrument or sport for fun and move past the frustrating parts of first learning. Being able to learn to play pop songs on a guitar vs not even knowing how to play a chord…being able to consistently drive, iron and chip the golf ball in the air and generally in the direction of the hole vs barely getting the ball airborne.

That’s how it becomes interesting enough to keep doing it.

I recently played with the company CEO, CFO and CIO at Riverbend CC, and they shot around 120 (i.e. triple bogey round). However, I was the only one who got invited to play along with them because I have the best score in the company (+1). I am also teamed up to play along with the CEO next week in a best balls tournament. They would not have me teamed up with the CEO if I was shooting 90+. I am currently a typical software engineer, but if I play my card right, I would get promoted to either director or Sr. director very soon. Being good in golf is very important in the business world.

Your statement makes no sense. If the top executives of the company shoot a 120…then you don’t have to be a strong golfer to become a top executive or those guys wouldn’t have made it.

Are you following the logic? Sure, you get bonus points for helping win the contest, but if you aren’t interesting or entertaining to hang with, your utility will end there.

Again…are you smart enough to follow this?

I don't think you get it. Business guys who shoot 120 love to play with strong golfers. Just watching scratch golfers up close is a thrill for them. My law review editor colleague was captain of the Harvard golf team and scores at a scratch to plus two level. His career has been helped tremendously by golf. A shy quiet fellow to boot. I was taught golf at age 5 by an athletic mother and shoot in the mid-80s despite golf not being my thing. I can't understate how one's silly decent golf score matters in some social circles. I don't care much for golf, but do enjoy observing its collateral aspects from time to time.

I have taken one lesson in my lifetime. It was focused around how to get out of sand traps - and in a single shot. It was a great lesson and contrary to your assertions my sand trap play (forget the rest of my game - I don't play much) makes me a popular fellow when I play five or six times a year. I have played some of the best courses in the country, even winning a long drive contest at a business outing/tournament at Winged Foot! Connected on a gorilla swing. But I don't like fancy courses or people and enjoy the dog patch out in Front Royal immensely - no pretense - just a day out in the sun.

You question whether the poster is smart enough. I have a question. Do you have a top level athletic background? I was fortunate enough to be a NCAA D1 All American on scholarship. Poor kid who scraped though and I am wary of the elitist class. Value mental toughness, because I sure didn't make it on talent. Your statement gives off vibes of being an argumentative DCUM elitist kind of guy. Interesting to hear your response. Don't bother asking about my education either. It easily meets DCUM standards, although I am not sure that is a good thing.

Again…if the top executives of a company shoot 120, then how the f**k does it really matter to be a scratch golfer to become a top executive.

If it mattered, then wouldn’t all those top executives executives be able to shoot even a 90?

Don’t you get the circular logic here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every child is different. But, they have to grow up into complete and confident adults who have to manage their personal life, professional life and health at all times. Regardless of what kind of introvert/extrovert personality they have.

I think your eldest child may be depressed or lonely. He needs therapy to figure out what he wants out of life. I would suggest that he starts giving back to the world and find a passion project or cause.

Your oldest is lacking meaning and a sense of creativity. It's never too late. He's blaming you but needs to take some responsibility. If he's got plenty of money, he can start some classes or hobbies now.

My parents pushed me too hard - it was a dance mom's situation, where my talent = their ego. It brought me no joy and took away from the activities that did bring me joy.

As a parent, if it's all a struggle, I don't push. I think of the larger goal (general health and fitness? Social skills? Family bonding?) and aim for that instead. My son who didn't like team sports in elementary but was very coordinated and active because we were always at a park, hiking, swimming or playing, decided around 7th grade he was into team sports suddenly. Another kid was on the spectrum and basic school performing and social skills took precedent until 7th grade, and is playing piano. Another kid was begging for a specific sport, along with other group activities (she's a joiner) since preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 26-year-old oldest son and I had a long conversation yesterday, and he told me that he wished that I would have pushed him much harder into music and sports activities when he was younger.

I put him to take piano and guitar at the age of six, golf at the age of six, and tennis at the age of seven. It was a constant struggle with him from the age of six until he turned eleven, because he said to me that he hated them. He was really into academics and fought me every step along the way. I gave up on him about music/sports at the age of eleven. He graduated from an Ivy and is making a lot of money; however, he feels like he doesn't have anything else in his life. He wants to learn music and golf, but it is going to take a long time for him to learn. His dating life, according to him, is not that great either because, according to him, women are looking for guys with other qualities besides bringing home a big paycheck.

On the other hand, his 24-year-old younger brother was the complete opposite. He also started piano, music, golf and tennis at the age of six, and he took them very seriously until he left for college. He never complained about pushing him to do those things. He went to a state school and made so many friends there. He makes good money but his life, according to him, is very good. He plays sports and music with friends on most weekdays and weekends, and he also has a very busy dating life with a lot of women to choose from. He attributes that to how he was pushed by me as a child, and now he is benefitting from it.

​Do you regret not pushing your kid harder?

The very fact that he resents you and is kind of a prick about, despite being a wealthy Ivy graduate, is emblematic of why his dating life sucks. He should have no problem picking up dates, just list travel as the hobby and he should be off to the races.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women like men who are engaged in activities, such as golf and music, but they don't care so much how good they are. If he want to learn golf and music - or bridge or calligraphy or whatever - then he should. It's OK to be a beginner, especially at 26!

Women like men who are good with music and golf. They do not like beginner golfers or musicians. FWIW, I work in a corporate environment with a golf team, and they only pick experience golfers. Beginner golfers are not invited.

This is insane…most women hate men that play golf since they complain all the time about how they are gone all weekend playing golf…and then they also watch golf on TV all the time.

Also…not sure what is meant by a “good” musician…I guess good enough to play in a garage band.

In what world is a dorky garage band attractive to adult women!? It works on high schoolers but drops off by college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody needs to be able to shoot an 80 or below if you are golfing to network in the business world. Most senior business people are in the 80% that can’t even shoot a 90.

More important you can shoot the shit well for the 3 hours golfing vs be a great golfer.

For the most part, pushing your kid is so they are able to play an instrument or sport for fun and move past the frustrating parts of first learning. Being able to learn to play pop songs on a guitar vs not even knowing how to play a chord…being able to consistently drive, iron and chip the golf ball in the air and generally in the direction of the hole vs barely getting the ball airborne.

That’s how it becomes interesting enough to keep doing it.

I recently played with the company CEO, CFO and CIO at Riverbend CC, and they shot around 120 (i.e. triple bogey round). However, I was the only one who got invited to play along with them because I have the best score in the company (+1). I am also teamed up to play along with the CEO next week in a best balls tournament. They would not have me teamed up with the CEO if I was shooting 90+. I am currently a typical software engineer, but if I play my card right, I would get promoted to either director or Sr. director very soon. Being good in golf is very important in the business world.

Hey our golf instructor business owner troll is back! Missed you!!