Husband suddenly not interested in being a parent or spouse

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to check your phone bill and see if there are lots of calls or texts to a specific number. Get a voice-activated recorder off amazon and put it in his car. Keep your eyes open for any unusual receipts. Check your credit card bills. This does sound like an affair in that he is angry and villainizing you and maybe the kids. It's what cheaters do to deal with the cognitive dissonance of what they are doing. Maybe he's not cheating, but you will want certainty either way and he may just gaslight you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any possibility of substance abuse/alcoholism or another addiction like gambling?

No. He’s pretty disciplined.

[Anonymous]

Get your finances in order and file for divorce. See what he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what’s happening in therapy?

Me crying. Him nodding but saying very little. Therapist says nothing will improve unless we’re both in it and he’s not.

Time to get your ducks in a row and ask for a separation. I think his reaction to that will tell you a lot. It might be really hard, but you will know.

[Anonymous]

I really rather him just leave me.

He probably is having an affair despite denying it. I just don’t get it.

He can go and be happy with wherever. I’ll be fine.

But he cannot do this to our kids. This is the man who would turn down buddy trips to take his kids camping.

Who is this man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's not having an affair, he is depressed. He needs individual therapy stat.

He doesn’t seem depressed. He seems angry. But who knows. I can’t force him to go.

Depression commonly presents as low level anger and irritability in men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really rather him just leave me.

He probably is having an affair despite denying it. I just don’t get it.

He can go and be happy with wherever. I’ll be fine.

But he cannot do this to our kids. This is the man who would turn down buddy trips to take his kids camping.

Who is this man?

Someone who’s in the throes of affair fog, absent any medical reason.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, op, it’s very likely an affair. Honestly I’d probably hire a detective and see a lawyer while awaiting proof.

[Anonymous]

OP you should prepare yourself that the marriage is ending. He’s withdrawing from family life and not being active in therapy. Why were you guys in therapy ? Did he sleep in the basement before or after you started?

I agree it sounds like affair or depression but he’s hurting the kids by ignoring them.

[Anonymous]

Reading his kids a bedtime story gets in the way of sitting in the basement sexting his AP.

[Anonymous]

Ask to see his phone. If he balks you have your answer right there.

[Anonymous]

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading his kids a bedtime story gets in the way of sitting in the basement sexting his AP.

As someone who told myself he would never even when he was basically living in "the basement" and suddenly nasty to me all the time, I say to myself "you idiot!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to check your phone bill and see if there are lots of calls or texts to a specific number. Get a voice-activated recorder off amazon and put it in his car. Keep your eyes open for any unusual receipts. Check your credit card bills. This does sound like an affair in that he is angry and villainizing you and maybe the kids. It's what cheaters do to deal with the cognitive dissonance of what they are doing. Maybe he's not cheating, but you will want certainty either way and he may just gaslight you.

+1. Get and Check your detailed cell phone records. You have to login into your account on the internet and then download and pdf the last 18 months of detailed phone bills before he locks you out of the account. This is how I found the thousands of texts to my DHs AP.
When the liar was claiming depression unhappiness and was super irritable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask to see his phone. If he balks you have your answer right there.

Yeah I agree. If he has nothing to hide.