Husband suddenly not interested in being a parent or spouse

[Anonymous]

Any possibility of substance abuse/alcoholism or another addiction like gambling?

[Anonymous]

How old is your youngest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:affair, depression, porn addiction or a combo of any of these.

Or gambling or some sort of significant secret financial trouble.

I’m sorry OP. Get a lawyer and prepare.

[Anonymous]

My DH got incredibly crabby and lazy around 42. He had always been a check the box kind of person, and my theory is that he never developed any sort of internal monologue or goals for himself beyond what he thought he was supposed to do. So now he has a kid, family, wife, nice house, vacation house, and job title he always wanted, but he feels empty because he doesn’t have a sense of his true values. I think he feels trapped by us and a sense of being unfulfilled, but because he can’t look inward he blames me/kids/family obligations/dog for how he feels.

You can’t call someone like this out on it because they just lash out, in my experience. I think that my DH could have a come to Jesus moment and realize that his empty soul is the problem, not us or his job, or he’ll just keep using us as his punching bag. He won’t walk away from us because I think deep down he knows he’d be left with just himself and that he’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what’s happening in therapy?

Me crying. Him nodding but saying very little. Therapist says nothing will improve unless we’re both in it and he’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's not having an affair, he is depressed. He needs individual therapy stat.

He doesn’t seem depressed. He seems angry. But who knows. I can’t force him to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When was his last physical? I’d start there before jumping to affairs. Sudden changes could be medical (thyroid or something?) assuming this is truly out of character for him.

January. He’s working out every morning (I know I know). He’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dig harder. The new job likely came with a shiny new coworker and suddenly everything else looks like old news.

+++ He may not be having an affair but he has his eye on someone else.

I'm positive he is having an emotional affair. Likely a physical one as well.

Then why won’t he just leave me? I’ve literally given him a chance to just come clean and move on. It would have to be better than this.

If he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love me. I don’t get him treating his own children this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what’s happening in therapy?

Me crying. Him nodding but saying very little. Therapist says nothing will improve unless we’re both in it and he’s not.

This was how my ex was in couples counseling. Me crying and him staring off into space or not saying much.

He was deep in affair fog. By the time it lifted and he wanted to work it out with me, I had discovered he'd been lying for months and still seeing AP. Also a full-fledged porn addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of happy, successful couples sleep in separate rooms.

I sense you are not giving us the whole story, OP.

I wish there was more. Literally nothing has changed but his job.

It truly happened so fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dig harder. The new job likely came with a shiny new coworker and suddenly everything else looks like old news.

+++ He may not be having an affair but he has his eye on someone else.

I'm positive he is having an emotional affair. Likely a physical one as well.

Then why won’t he just leave me? I’ve literally given him a chance to just come clean and move on. It would have to be better than this.

If he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love me. I don’t get him treating his own children this way.

He is afraid. He doesn't want to give up you as a back up plan. Maybe you make his life easier in many ways. He doesn't want to seem like the "bad guy" who ditches his wife and 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to throw out there another cause of sudden personality change- brain tumor.
Ask him to get an physical checkup.

He had a physical at the beginning of the year (we do this for insurance).

He was fine. But of course they didn’t do an MRI. I can barely get him to pick a child up from school when sick, how can I make him get an MRI?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely affair territory. And men are likely to want to overthrow their current family and start a new one ... Keep an eye out and listen to your gut!!

And get your fiances in order, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the new job?

Same job, different company.

Project management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him a break. Maybe he overdid it and now has nothing left to give plus midlife crisis.
The kids should be older; time for some independence.
My ex overdid it, but it was his choice and he had similar upbringing. He expected it from me also, but I could never measure up according to him. We are from very different cultures. Mine is all about independence and his is all about family.
As he pushed me aside as useless, I just left. He fell apart soon after. I guess family wasn't enough. Balance would have been nice.
Something wrong with his brain was also one of our thoughts at the end. Coroner said nothing about it though.

My kids are 4, 7 & 9. They need their dad. I can manage. They need two living attentive parents.