Worried about my gender non-conforming cis daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make sure that she has a safe place to be herself with peers. Art, music and theatre groups tend to be accepting.

You can get through a lot of tough times if you know you have a safe place to go later.

This.

Also, you might want to teach her a couple of confident retorts when someone comments on her appearance. Like, "I am very happy with myself," or "Thanks for your opinion, but I'm good."

She doesn't need to respond confidently (or aggressively) to a comment from a random adult. She can smile in acknowledgement and move on. Not everything needs an attack.

Why should she smile??

[Anonymous]

Anti-trans bias is bad for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Report the custodian. He’s there to do a job. Imagine what he could be saying to other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make sure that she has a safe place to be herself with peers. Art, music and theatre groups tend to be accepting.

You can get through a lot of tough times if you know you have a safe place to go later.

This.

Also, you might want to teach her a couple of confident retorts when someone comments on her appearance. Like, "I am very happy with myself," or "Thanks for your opinion, but I'm good."

She doesn't need to respond confidently (or aggressively) to a comment from a random adult. She can smile in acknowledgement and move on. Not everything needs an attack.

Why should she smile??

Because she is a respectful child with good manners and he is an elder. Do you not teach your children to respect adults? Or only to correct them or ignore them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd make sure that she has a safe place to be herself with peers. Art, music and theatre groups tend to be accepting.

You can get through a lot of tough times if you know you have a safe place to go later.

This.

Also, you might want to teach her a couple of confident retorts when someone comments on her appearance. Like, "I am very happy with myself," or "Thanks for your opinion, but I'm good."

She doesn't need to respond confidently (or aggressively) to a comment from a random adult. She can smile in acknowledgement and move on. Not everything needs an attack.

Why should she smile??

Because she is a respectful child with good manners and he is an elder. Do you not teach your children to respect adults? Or only to correct them or ignore them?

Oh, you’re one of THOSE. No, you don’t deserve respect for not dying longer. You earn it. He, and his stupid comment, didn’t earn it.

DP

[Anonymous]

It is indeed rough out there for females with short hair.

I'm not a tomboy, but I'm also not decked out in dresses each day (or ever).

My haircut is stylish. I always have my nails done. I wear makeup and jewelry daily. I've been accosted several times by people claiming I was trans and going to hell for using the women's restroom. This never happened to me until Trump's first term.

Literally, I've had short hair since I was 22. I can't stand hair touching my neck/shoulders and I woke in a profession where it is not seen as professional to wear updos or ponytails. A short cut was my compromise and has been my thing for 20 years.

I wish I could make my voice really deep so when someone comments I could use a deep voice and say something snarky back. I try but I just end up sounding like cookie monster. That's not intimidating.

[Anonymous]

My 12yo DD is exactly the same.
Dresses in clothes from boys section, mainly athletic wear, short hair etc. She also wears earrings and wears nail polish at times too.
She identifies as straight and a girl. She just likes what she likes. Society labeled these things the way they did, not our kids.
If adults are saying stuff to your kid you need to say something.
My kid is at a Christian K-8 that wears a uniform ( polo and khakis) and at lunch one day a sub approached her while shees eating with her girlfriends and asked if she was a boy or a girl. When she said a girl he said he he believe her and was going to ask a teacher.
I was livid.
Spoke to admin, told them no one should be asking a child their gender unless they honestly feel the child is about to walk in the wrong bathroom. But how dare an adult harass my kid while she’s eating.
They apologized profusely, said they would address it, and they have.
People are gonna think what they want. But if adults are harassing your kid, which is what this is, address it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re in Virginia and worried about anti-trans backlash.

Our daughter is a gender non-confirming but not trans. She’s tends to gravitate towards traditionally “boyish” things like short hair and clothes from the boy section. She’s a happy, healthy little girl and has lots of friends and enjoys school.

We’ve had a few odd incidences of adults making inappropriate comments about how my daughter chooses express herself (especially her short hair). Lots of assumptions she’s trans or that I should be forcing her to wear traditionally girl clothes.

She’s dressed like this for about 3-4 years and we had minimal issues and suddenly we’re hearing lots of opinions.

Apparently the school custodian worker told DD she should grow her hair out because “girls don’t need short hair.”

I don’t want to get a low wage worker in trouble but we noticed the climate around gender and gender expression has gotten super hostile.

I think the issue goes beyond transgender rights and we’re seeing an influx of rhetoric against kids who aren’t fitting in little boxes.

Do you worry about this as a parent? Anyone going through something similar?

This is extremely inappropriate and I would escalate it. Or at the very least arm my DD with a few clap backs about how he’s a janitor.

[Anonymous]

When did we retire the word "tomboy"? Why don't we bring that word back instead of bringing back the R-word?

[Anonymous]

She's just a girl and she's on fire. Teach your daughters that they are never just girls but they are always on fire, in a sense of being awesome, great and capable of everything.
My dad taught me that, my grandma and grandpa installed this is me. My grandma was born in 1910, and grandpa before her. Dad was not always the best, but he made sure I knew there is nothing in this world I cannot do.
Sadly, I rarely find women that feel like me. I am like an oddity and people are surprised that I am never afraid to give my point of view and my take on things. But, those that work and live with me and around me

[Anonymous]

I feel like traditional gender norms are far more enrenched and visible now.

I grew up in the 70s/80s. Maybe it was because I lived out in the country and lots of kids were rural and farm kids but no one cared about gender really at all. There was no such thing as gender non conforming. Boys and girls had long hair or short hair, everyone just wore whatever they wanted. I was a tomboy, had short hair, wore boys clothes, played in the dirt, etc and no one ever said anything - no one cared at all.

There would have likely been a little more pushback if a boy had worn a dress or a skirt or something but we all just did what we wanted. Traditional gender norms and expectations now mean that any girl who sin't feminine and into pink and glitter is non binary or gender non conforming and any boy who isn't masculine is seen as the same. This isn't progressive, this is going backwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a lot of labeling and language that don't seem relevant to me in this situation. As Gen X would say, she's a tomboy. Who cares. So many girls are like this. My own 5th grade daughter is. What does this have to with trans and cis gender at this point in her life?

Just follow her lead and stop looking for trouble. Let her wear her hair how she wants, dress how she wants, and coach her to tell the custodian she likes her hair how it is.

These are good points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like traditional gender norms are far more enrenched and visible now.

I grew up in the 70s/80s. Maybe it was because I lived out in the country and lots of kids were rural and farm kids but no one cared about gender really at all. There was no such thing as gender non conforming. Boys and girls had long hair or short hair, everyone just wore whatever they wanted. I was a tomboy, had short hair, wore boys clothes, played in the dirt, etc and no one ever said anything - no one cared at all.

There would have likely been a little more pushback if a boy had worn a dress or a skirt or something but we all just did what we wanted. Traditional gender norms and expectations now mean that any girl who sin't feminine and into pink and glitter is non binary or gender non conforming and any boy who isn't masculine is seen as the same. This isn't progressive, this is going backwards.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like traditional gender norms are far more enrenched and visible now.

I grew up in the 70s/80s. Maybe it was because I lived out in the country and lots of kids were rural and farm kids but no one cared about gender really at all. There was no such thing as gender non conforming. Boys and girls had long hair or short hair, everyone just wore whatever they wanted. I was a tomboy, had short hair, wore boys clothes, played in the dirt, etc and no one ever said anything - no one cared at all.

There would have likely been a little more pushback if a boy had worn a dress or a skirt or something but we all just did what we wanted. Traditional gender norms and expectations now mean that any girl who sin't feminine and into pink and glitter is non binary or gender non conforming and any boy who isn't masculine is seen as the same. This isn't progressive, this is going backwards.

The people pushing “traditional gender norms” are the trad wives/MAGA crowd.

For the rest of us, it’s all way more fluid today, not traditional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like traditional gender norms are far more enrenched and visible now.

I grew up in the 70s/80s. Maybe it was because I lived out in the country and lots of kids were rural and farm kids but no one cared about gender really at all. There was no such thing as gender non conforming. Boys and girls had long hair or short hair, everyone just wore whatever they wanted. I was a tomboy, had short hair, wore boys clothes, played in the dirt, etc and no one ever said anything - no one cared at all.

There would have likely been a little more pushback if a boy had worn a dress or a skirt or something but we all just did what we wanted. Traditional gender norms and expectations now mean that any girl who sin't feminine and into pink and glitter is non binary or gender non conforming and any boy who isn't masculine is seen as the same. This isn't progressive, this is going backwards.

The people pushing “traditional gender norms” are the trad wives/MAGA crowd.

For the rest of us, it’s all way more fluid today, not traditional.

Trad wives are doing it for a fetish. Prove me wrong.