Would it matter to you if your child dated someone of a different background?

[Anonymous]

For me everything will depend on how he treats my biracial daughter. If he is black and fetishizes her or makes her feel she is not "down" enough then I won't want her to date that black man. If he is white and tries to make her feel grateful that he overlooks her not being fully white then I won't want her to date that white man. I would be worried if she dated an East Asian or South Asian man because perceived ethnic suitability is so important in some of these cultures. I would worry about her dating an African man because the cultural gap can be similarly enormous. My preference would be for her to date a biracial man.

[Anonymous]

I don't care who my son dates eventually, as long as she treats him with respect, treats me with respect, and is a good person. Those are my requirements. "She" can be a "he," and requirements are still the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:different race or ethnicity? wouldn't bother me a bit.

but, i must admit i wouldn't be thrilled if our dds dated/married super religious/conservative people. (or a republican)

I would be VERY disappointed - specially if he was super religious....

So, to you it is all right to discriminate against certain religions or religious beliefs and political beliefs? You are a bigoted hypocrite and that goes for all the others who objections are "limited" to those stated by you.

Let's turn this around a bit. How would conservatives feel if their son was to be married in a liberal church where the minister was an open Lesbian, and that their kids would be going to sunday school where some of their classmates have two dads, and where the teens learn that pro-choice is acceptable within the christian faith?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:different race or ethnicity? wouldn't bother me a bit.

but, i must admit i wouldn't be thrilled if our dds dated/married super religious/conservative people. (or a republican)

I would be VERY disappointed - specially if he was super religious....

So, to you it is all right to discriminate against certain religions or religious beliefs and political beliefs? You are a bigoted hypocrite and that goes for all the others who objections are "limited" to those stated by you.

Disagree with your overreaction here. If you come from a secular or liberal family it's hard to be in a relationship with a conservative Christian. My ex was and I am not, it was the basis of all our fights. He thought I was going to hell - literally. So, I have the same feelings, I would not want my daughter to bring home anyone that is intense about religion. Especially the fundemental Christians.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me everything will depend on how he treats my biracial daughter. If he is black and fetishizes her or makes her feel she is not "down" enough then I won't want her to date that black man. If he is white and tries to make her feel grateful that he overlooks her not being fully white then I won't want her to date that white man. I would be worried if she dated an East Asian or South Asian man because perceived ethnic suitability is so important in some of these cultures. I would worry about her dating an African man because the cultural gap can be similarly enormous. My preference would be for her to date a biracial man.

Wow, YOU have some issues to sort through. My kids are biracial, and I hope they date people that are kind, loving, interesting, and educated. The racial mix of their partners is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

When it comes to religion, values, and outlook on life... I don't think there's anything wrong in wanting your kid to be with someone who's compatible with the way that your kid is. That has to do with worldviews and character and values... in other words, the actual things we SHOULD be discriminating of. You don't want your daughter being with a man who believes women are second class citizens, right? That's not being bigoted.

When it comes to race, it's different because race is not inherently tied to worldview, values, etc.

There is a distinction that must be made here.

[Anonymous]

I am Indian, my husband is Indian. I wouldn't have an issue with my kid dating/marrying someone of another race. My brother is married to a white woman; it's a non-issue. I think when we were younger, my parents would have felt differently - I think they were really dismayed by how they were treated by white people when they came to the States in the late seventies, so one of us marrying a white person would have been a hard pill to swallow. As we grew up, they became friends with more non-Indian people, and their views changed.

20:36 - I do think race is inherently tied to worldview, values, etc - we have vastly different experiences based on the color of our skin, unfortunately. I don't think I could have been with someone who didn't think that race was an issue, or that it was something not worth talking about to our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what about socioeconomic group? does that matter?

Yes, I would be very concerned if either of my kids married someone from the proverbial "wrong side of the tracks" especially DD because I think lower middle working class men treat women differently, less respecfully,less as fully capable and thinking. I would greatly prefer eithre child marry a person from a similar soci-economic status as they grew up in. I would not care about skin color or ethnicity. I might have a small problem with any non-christian religion or overly conservative religion but that would depend on the spouses' expectations for kids and family events..

Yeah, all working class men treat their wives like dirt.

I don't care who my son marries, as long as it's not your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what about socioeconomic group? does that matter?

Yes, I would be very concerned if either of my kids married someone from the proverbial "wrong side of the tracks" especially DD because I think lower middle working class men treat women differently, less respecfully,less as fully capable and thinking. I would greatly prefer eithre child marry a person from a similar soci-economic status as they grew up in. I would not care about skin color or ethnicity. I might have a small problem with any non-christian religion or overly conservative religion but that would depend on the spouses' expectations for kids and family events..

How many lower middle class men do you know so that you can say this with authority? I'd like to see your data on this subject.

[Anonymous]

We are mainly African- American. I hope our son marries, an African- American woman. Just a preference.

[Anonymous]

It does not bother me at all - we are white but we live in a diverse area and kids have friends of various races, ethnicities, etc.

We are already a family with a mixture of Christian and Jewish and my step mother is Muslim. So hard to bring too much more to the party here that isn't already here.

I am a Democrat and my spouse is a Republican so again we've got those bases covered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does not bother me at all - we are white but we live in a diverse area and kids have friends of various races, ethnicities, etc.

We are already a family with a mixture of Christian and Jewish and my step mother is Muslim. So hard to bring too much more to the party here that isn't already here.

I am a Democrat and my spouse is a Republican so again we've got those bases covered.

Any convicts or people from the "wrong side of the tracks" in the fam?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what about socioeconomic group? does that matter?

Yes, I would be very concerned if either of my kids married someone from the proverbial "wrong side of the tracks" especially DD because I think lower middle working class men treat women differently, less respecfully,less as fully capable and thinking. I would greatly prefer eithre child marry a person from a similar soci-economic status as they grew up in. I would not care about skin color or ethnicity. I might have a small problem with any non-christian religion or overly conservative religion but that would depend on the spouses' expectations for kids and family events..

Right, because domestic violence, misogyny, and sexism don't exist among the upper middle classes. You did read about Yeardley Love at UVA, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me everything will depend on how he treats my biracial daughter. If he is black and fetishizes her or makes her feel she is not "down" enough then I won't want her to date that black man. If he is white and tries to make her feel grateful that he overlooks her not being fully white then I won't want her to date that white man. I would be worried if she dated an East Asian or South Asian man because perceived ethnic suitability is so important in some of these cultures. I would worry about her dating an African man because the cultural gap can be similarly enormous. My preference would be for her to date a biracial man.

I agree with 18:56- you have some issues to sort through.

DH and I are of different races and I would never have such strange and specific preferences for our kids. I could almost understand you not wanting her to date an African/Asian/non-US man because of cultural differences. But to not want her to date a fully white or fully black man, that is weird. She is white and black!