Would it matter to you if your child dated someone of a different background?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get a real kick out of all the PPs who are proudly proclaiming that they are totally open-minded about who their children date or marry someday... unless it's someone who's not Christian, is too Christian, or is from a poor family, or is ... god forbid, a Republican! Such hypocrisy!

This particular thread is about race. I think there are things that separate people more than race and those thing are religion, socioeconomic background and political beliefs. I have no problem with my child dating/marrying someone of a different race or ethnicity but *might* if that person was extremely religious or conservative because that person would not share our values. Of course, I wouldn't have a problem with them if they kept their beliefs to themselves. As soon as it starts to affect my child and grandchildren in a negative way, THEN I have a problem. I don't think this is hypocritical. Everyone hopes that there children will end up in good, healthy relationships with someone who shares their core values. This is the same for religious and no religious people, conservative or not. It's just the way we are.

But what if your child grows up and decides he or she shares the religious beliefs and values of the person they marry, not your values and beliefs? They are going to grow up to have a mind of their own. That is usually how people end up marrying someone from a different background.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't matter to me. It also wouldn't matter if my children became Christians or Muslim or married one (I'm an atheist). What would matter is that my children become educated and able to think/reason for themselves and that they don't get themselves into some kind of dangerous situation (ie: abusive relationship, etc).

[Anonymous]

Different race, no. Dating a vastly different religion, no. Marrying a vastly different religion would take some getting used to if it meant abandoning our religious practices (ie, not participating in holidays) since it's a part of our cultural identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:different race or ethnicity? wouldn't bother me a bit.

but, i must admit i wouldn't be thrilled if our dds dated/married super religious/conservative people. (or a republican)

I would be VERY disappointed - specially if he was super religious....

So, to you it is all right to discriminate against certain religions or religious beliefs and political beliefs? You are a bigoted hypocrite and that goes for all the others who objections are "limited" to those stated by you.

[Anonymous]

Now, wait a minute. I'm not sure it is bigoted. I think the PP who said it was cultural is right on point. Also, no one said they would stop speaking to the child if they married such a person. The different culture/philosophy thing is hard. For example, my DH's family includes one sibling who has married someone who is extremely religious (fundamentalist) and has become such a person herself, even though that is not how she grew up. Her children loudly proclaim to mine that they shouldn't celebrate Halloween, for instance, because it is a holiday that celebrates Satan. If your child marries someone like that, are you really going to be super happy and cheerful taking down your Halloween decorations before the grandchildren are allowed to come over? I wouldn't be. That's not bigoted, that's honest. But yes I would take the damn decorations down.

[Anonymous]

No it wouldn't at all. My bigger fear is that my son will end up with a bitch who I won't get along with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it wouldn't at all. My bigger fear is that my son will end up with a bitch who I won't get along with.

Well, they do say that men are attracted to women who in some ways remind them of their mothers, so you probably will end up in this situation.

[Anonymous]

11:07 here. My MIL would agree with you, 11:10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get a real kick out of all the PPs who are proudly proclaiming that they are totally open-minded about who their children date or marry someday... unless it's someone who's not Christian, is too Christian, or is from a poor family, or is ... god forbid, a Republican! Such hypocrisy!

This particular thread is about race. I think there are things that separate people more than race and those thing are religion, socioeconomic background and political beliefs. I have no problem with my child dating/marrying someone of a different race or ethnicity but *might* if that person was extremely religious or conservative because that person would not share our values. Of course, I wouldn't have a problem with them if they kept their beliefs to themselves. As soon as it starts to affect my child and grandchildren in a negative way, THEN I have a problem. I don't think this is hypocritical. Everyone hopes that there children will end up in good, healthy relationships with someone who shares their core values. This is the same for religious and no religious people, conservative or not. It's just the way we are.

To many people, religion is ethnicity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get a real kick out of all the PPs who are proudly proclaiming that they are totally open-minded about who their children date or marry someday... unless it's someone who's not Christian, is too Christian, or is from a poor family, or is ... god forbid, a Republican! Such hypocrisy!

This particular thread is about race. I think there are things that separate people more than race and those thing are religion, socioeconomic background and political beliefs. I have no problem with my child dating/marrying someone of a different race or ethnicity but *might* if that person was extremely religious or conservative because that person would not share our values. Of course, I wouldn't have a problem with them if they kept their beliefs to themselves. As soon as it starts to affect my child and grandchildren in a negative way, THEN I have a problem. I don't think this is hypocritical. Everyone hopes that there children will end up in good, healthy relationships with someone who shares their core values. This is the same for religious and no religious people, conservative or not. It's just the way we are.

But what if your child grows up and decides he or she shares the religious beliefs and values of the person they marry, not your values and beliefs? They are going to grow up to have a mind of their own. That is usually how people end up marrying someone from a different background.

No, I don't think that is at all how people usually end up marrying someone from a different background. More commonly, a young adult chooses to marry a person of a different e.g. religion (which IMO is more of an issue than race) thinking that the differences are not important, but when children come along, the differences becomes enormous and pose huge challenges for family life (immediate and extended).

I'm a Christian married to a Jew and while I love him dearly, I now know that when we decided to marry that neither of us had the faintest notion of the challenges that our religious and other differences would present. (And he isn't religiously observant at all.) Moreover, our socioeconomic backgrounds are different (I grew up upper-middle-class; he working-class) and this comes into play when we discuss housing choices, school choices, and any number of other things.

It's not as simple as it might look to a young adult in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:different race or ethnicity? wouldn't bother me a bit.

but, i must admit i wouldn't be thrilled if our dds dated/married super religious/conservative people. (or a republican)

You just made me vomit in my mouth a little.

Exactly. Who wants grandkids who vomit in their mouths all the time.

[Anonymous]

More seriously, though. I think it is important to be open to people of all religions. But that does not mean you have to like people, even if they have opinions about society that you strongly disagree with.

So in short, you shouldn't judge people by the God they worship. But it is perfectly reasonable to pick and choose who you keep close, based on the ideas that they espouse and their personal character.

[Anonymous]

Considering my kids are 1/4 Japanese, 1/4 Taiwanese, and 1/2 garden variety white -- not at all. In fact, I'd be all for it because it'll just bring ridiculously cute grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get a real kick out of all the PPs who are proudly proclaiming that they are totally open-minded about who their children date or marry someday... unless it's someone who's not Christian, is too Christian, or is from a poor family, or is ... god forbid, a Republican! Such hypocrisy!

This particular thread is about race. I think there are things that separate people more than race and those thing are religion, socioeconomic background and political beliefs. I have no problem with my child dating/marrying someone of a different race or ethnicity but *might* if that person was extremely religious or conservative because that person would not share our values. Of course, I wouldn't have a problem with them if they kept their beliefs to themselves. As soon as it starts to affect my child and grandchildren in a negative way, THEN I have a problem. I don't think this is hypocritical. Everyone hopes that there children will end up in good, healthy relationships with someone who shares their core values. This is the same for religious and no religious people, conservative or not. It's just the way we are.

But what if your child grows up and decides he or she shares the religious beliefs and values of the person they marry, not your values and beliefs? They are going to grow up to have a mind of their own. That is usually how people end up marrying someone from a different background.

7:46 here. . .True, I don't share my parents religious or political beliefs and it is very difficult to be around them for extended periods of time because they are VERY vocal about them!!! I guess I would find it hard to accept but if my child was happy in the relationship and is not getting into a dangerous (abusive) situation, I would be okay with it. We would just have to agree to not discuss religion or politics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More seriously, though. I think it is important to be open to people of all religions. But that does not mean you have to like people, even if they have opinions about society that you strongly disagree with.

So in short, you shouldn't judge people by the God they worship. But it is perfectly reasonable to pick and choose who you keep close, based on the ideas that they espouse and their personal character.

EXACTLY!