DS Dating Someone with a Small Child

[Anonymous]

Have a conversation with him about his plans to move in with her and his finances. Does he plan to foot the entire bill or will she contribute? She's a mother who is almost 30. She should be able to have a serious conversation about their plans and grown up enough to commit to pulling her own weight. Advise him not to put her name on any lease or utilities.

[Anonymous]

Just be polite and don’t do anything to alienate him.

[Anonymous]

Run a background check on her and find out if there is anything truly concerning beyond being a single almost 30 year old mother who lives with her parents with no college degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run a background check on her and find out if there is anything truly concerning beyond being a single almost 30 year old mother who lives with her parents with no college degree.

Insane!

[Anonymous]

NP here. I’d run a background check not only on her but also the child’s father. If she has issues with him, he will have issues with your son too. You hope that he’s not dangerous.

And also just wanted to say sorry, OP. This sounds like a tough situation. I would be extremely unhappy too given your description of her. Don’t do anything rash though, you don’t want to push her away and make them feel like it’s them vs. the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and I am not OK with that. He is 23. She is 29. With a kid. She is very pretty but a hot mess, "still figuring things out". He is a catch, a young, successful adult, with a good job, no debt, he lives by himself but recently started saying how he wants to move in with her.

Just here to vent. So not what I hoped for him.

Your feelings are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I’d run a background check not only on her but also the child’s father. If she has issues with him, he will have issues with your son too. You hope that he’s not dangerous.

And also just wanted to say sorry, OP. This sounds like a tough situation. I would be extremely unhappy too given your description of her. Don’t do anything rash though, you don’t want to push her away and make them feel like it’s them vs. the world.

This. Also be kind to GF and don't talk bad about her, you don't want to push your child away. And as PPs said have a sister, cousin or female friend talk with your son, he will listen better to his peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and I am not OK with that. He is 23. She is 29. With a kid. She is very pretty but a hot mess, "still figuring things out". He is a catch, a young, successful adult, with a good job, no debt, he lives by himself but recently started saying how he wants to move in with her.

Just here to vent. So not what I hoped for him.

Your feelings are valid.

Ditto.
Let's try to cut feelings out of the discussion with son and ask questions as if it is a business venture.
What is the long term outlook? What is the goal?
Does he understand the concept of sunk costs? This is a big one at his early age where he feels like he has nothing to lose - except time. Likewise for her at 29, sunk costs feel much more present as time marches on for her.
How will the venture be funded? Is the business partner also investing an equal amount? What does he bring to the partnership? And what does the other person bring? (talent, skillsets, capacity)
How would the outcome be equitable in event of dissolution of partnership?
Is there a mutual agreement about roles?

These are questions that anybody should be asking regardless of any form of partnership.

[Anonymous]

Condoms. Condoms. Condoms. Lord. You need to be nice to her. He will dig in if you don’t. And condoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and I am not OK with that. He is 23. She is 29. With a kid. She is very pretty but a hot mess, "still figuring things out". He is a catch, a young, successful adult, with a good job, no debt, he lives by himself but recently started saying how he wants to move in with her.

Just here to vent. So not what I hoped for him.

I doubt any parent would be okay with that but what can you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Run a background check on her and find out if there is anything truly concerning beyond being a single almost 30 year old mother who lives with her parents with no college degree.

Insane!

Overused
Means nothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 23. He is a catch, a young, successful adult, with a good job, no debt, he lives by himself but recently started saying how he wants to move in with her.

He clearly is a catch and she caught him. Lets hope, she is a good person and not going to mess up his life.

[Anonymous]

He’s not that much of a catch if he’s so easily P-whipped. Clearly the sex has superseded everything else. Common with men of all ages.

[Anonymous]

Probably knight in shining armor syndrome to save a damsel in distress.

[Anonymous]

Does GF have custody of child? What is age of child? Has your son spent time with child? Is he going to move into her parents house? I would ask those questions.