DS Dating Someone with a Small Child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men in his 20s like to deal with a hot mess. I hope she doesn’t get pregnant.

That's our biggest fear.

Sounds like maybe you dropped the ball on raising him well and being good parents. Luckily for you, you won't have to worry about this much longer. You're well on your way to him cutting you out of his life.

And that's Ok? You'd want someone like that for your child?

He can control using a condom. If she gets pregnant, it's just as much his fault.

THANK YOU!!!!!

[Anonymous]

So him suggesting that they live together...should we assume that means she moves out from her parents and your son is suddenly paying for her living situation or is she prepared to be an equal partner/roommate?

Or is he contemplating moving in with her parents?

Yeah, this is going to go off the rails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter if you're ok with it. Either you accept her or you risk alienating him.

This. I loathe my DDs partner and I keep my mouth shut. If you criticize the partner you will only succeed in damaging your relationship with your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and I am not OK with that. He is 23. She is 29. With a kid. She is very pretty but a hot mess, "still figuring things out". He is a catch, a young, successful adult, with a good job, no debt, he lives by himself but recently started saying how he wants to move in with her.

Just here to vent. So not what I hoped for him.

Your son is not a "catch" if he cannot make good decisions. Sounds like he can't make good decisions and neither can she.

Let him adult and myob

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and I am not OK with that. He is 23. She is 29. With a kid. She is very pretty but a hot mess, "still figuring things out". He is a catch, a young, successful adult, with a good job, no debt, he lives by himself but recently started saying how he wants to move in with her.

Just here to vent. So not what I hoped for him.

It will be fine. Stop trying to control and live your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she a hot mess? Actually, it doesn't matter. Stop meddling and leave them alone.

No education. No stable job. She lives with her parents. Problems with the child's father.

I can't leave it alone. He wants me to accept her like I accepted all of his ex-gfs.

Er, how many ex-gf has this 23 year old had?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally get where you're coming from. This woman feels like she found her meal ticket and won't give up easily. Guarantee it.

That's how we feel too! A clean cut kid, with goals, good job, his own place, no debt, looks good. He is nice to her and kid. Who wouldn't want that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So him suggesting that they live together...should we assume that means she moves out from her parents and your son is suddenly paying for her living situation or is she prepared to be an equal partner/roommate?

Or is he contemplating moving in with her parents?

Yeah, this is going to go off the rails.

He mentioned getting a bigger place so that he can live with her and her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she a hot mess? Actually, it doesn't matter. Stop meddling and leave them alone.

No education. No stable job. She lives with her parents. Problems with the child's father.

I can't leave it alone. He wants me to accept her like I accepted all of his ex-gfs.

Er, how many ex-gf has this 23 year old had?

4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally get where you're coming from. This woman feels like she found her meal ticket and won't give up easily. Guarantee it.

+1. I get it too OP, as the mother of sons. This is the last thing I'd want to see. Just hope and pray he comes to his senses, and soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So him suggesting that they live together...should we assume that means she moves out from her parents and your son is suddenly paying for her living situation or is she prepared to be an equal partner/roommate?

Or is he contemplating moving in with her parents?

Yeah, this is going to go off the rails.

He mentioned getting a bigger place so that he can live with her and her son.

And if he does that, are you planning on pouting for the rest of your life? Are you planning to undermine them until they break up?

[Anonymous]

My DH dated someone with a kid and a bit of an unstable life in his 20s. His parents were pretty judgy about it and it drove a wedge in his relationship with them that took years to recover from. Like a lot of guys in his 20s he wasnt ready to get married and make this his family, but he of course learned and grew a lot. I can appreciate your concern, but I'd play the long game on keeping a good relationship with your son. He's an adult who gets to make his own calls and he may really hope for a good connection with you if his life gets more complicated.

[Anonymous]

We have a family friend that married a hot Slavic woman with a child. She locked him in with pregnancy. Fast forward shortly after marriage it was ugly ugly ugly. There was domestic violence, property destruction, drama to the hilt.
My kids know that family and it is a perfectly great example of making sure to not be entrapped by a woman's uterus. It's one thing to talk to your son about it. It's another for your son to see it tragically unfold in real life for someone else.

[Anonymous]

OP---I totally get where you are coming from. Hot mess GF may well be looking at your DC as a meal ticket and way out from under her parents' roof. Couple of things:

1) Do you have a daughter, niece, sister, etc.---some other woman in your DS' life whom he respects and listens to who is not his mom? When my 24 DS started down this road and wanted to date a woman with a child, his sister read him the riot act and told him that he shouldn't become a woman's meal ticket and get entrapped in a pregnancy situation.
He listened to her whereas he would have been angry with me.

2) Don't couch any concerns re the GF. The ONLY concern I would express is to point out to your DS that he needs to do the right thing by the child, and the right thing is to slow walk the relationship. The child already has chaos if there is drama with the biodad. Little kids get bonded and if the relationship flounders they will feel abandoned again. This isn't about liking or not liking the GF, it is about recognizing that unlike it being just two 20 somethings dating there is a little person in the mix and their dating actions could have a huge impact on a child.

With all that said, I have a friend from college who met and married a woman with a young child in his 20s and they have gone on to have a long and happy marriage and several kids. My friend---who was kind of a drunk frat boy---really stepped up maturity wise. But in that case the GF was already taking steps to secure her future vis a vis education, independent living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a family friend that married a hot Slavic woman with a child. She locked him in with pregnancy. Fast forward shortly after marriage it was ugly ugly ugly. There was domestic violence, property destruction, drama to the hilt.
My kids know that family and it is a perfectly great example of making sure to not be entrapped by a woman's uterus. It's one thing to talk to your son about it. It's another for your son to see it tragically unfold in real life for someone else.

So...to recap:

1) Good mama's boys should not marry hot women.
2) Good mama's boys should not marry hot Slavic women.
3) Good mama's boys should not marry women with children.
4) Good mama's boys should not marry hot Slavic women with children.
5) Good mama's boys should most definitely not marry a woman with a uterus in fears of being entrapped by said uterus.

Wait....let's start over:
1) Good mama's boys should not marry women.