Moms what marriage advice would you give your daughters?

[Anonymous]

1. You can’t have 100% of what you want or need 100% of the time. Pick what’s really important to you and think about how you are going to deal with the rest.

2. A man is not a plan.

3. Your relationship with your husband is its own living thing and if you want it to bear fruit, it should be nourished and developed independently of what else is going on in your life. If you want to always have a partner, you always have to be one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch how they interact with babies/kids, old people, and animals. That will tell you what you need to know.

No, that’s fake and shallow as $hit in a pot. Play with a baby? pet a dog? Say hello to your grandma or buy her lots of stuff?

Anyone can play Disney dad for a visit. Even a single dude who never cleans up after himself or thinks child raising is women’s work.

Real truthfulness and caring is calling around for grandmas second opinion for a cardiovascular operation.
Or coaching their nieces soccer team each fall.
Or tidying up a relatives kitchen and room when walking by or hanging out. Or bringing them needed items, unasked.

Being proactive and not prompted is 1000x more mature than sitting around until another adult tells you to do something needed.

Consistency. They need to have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t give up your career.

Work on maintaining sexual chemistry

Be patient but don’t compromise your standards

Save money

Don’t just get married because your “clock is ticking” or friends are all getting married.

Don’t ignore red flags

Great advice

[Anonymous]

Find someone like your father. He’s as good a role model you could ever hope for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get a tattoo if you want a good man to marry you.

They are easily removable. That is just stupid.

[Anonymous]

Do not get married. I am serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't. There isn't a damned thing you'll have, with certainty, in a marriage that you can't have in a relationship that isn't government-bound. It's a hell of a lot easier to leave a partner than it is to leave a spouse. Have you own affairs in order such that the "financial incentives" of marriage aren't a draw. No health insurance, cheaper rates, etc. are worth what you may end up going through as a person who needs to ask the government for permission to leave "your person" if/when they stop acting like they're actually your person.

So just don't. Have a life that belongs to you. Get an education, get a job you find meaningful and as satisfying as a job can be, have friends, travel, engage in relationships when you want to and LEAVE THEM when they're no longer aligned with your goals. Never let anyone mistreat you twice (and most people should get cut off after the first round; forgive them and LET THEM GO).

And take your birth control. Never trust that a man is going to have/use a condom.

100% this!

[Anonymous]

Don't settle for less than 8

If he brings the "8", what is she bringing from her side?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't. There isn't a damned thing you'll have, with certainty, in a marriage that you can't have in a relationship that isn't government-bound. It's a hell of a lot easier to leave a partner than it is to leave a spouse. Have you own affairs in order such that the "financial incentives" of marriage aren't a draw. No health insurance, cheaper rates, etc. are worth what you may end up going through as a person who needs to ask the government for permission to leave "your person" if/when they stop acting like they're actually your person.

So just don't. Have a life that belongs to you. Get an education, get a job you find meaningful and as satisfying as a job can be, have friends, travel, engage in relationships when you want to and LEAVE THEM when they're no longer aligned with your goals. Never let anyone mistreat you twice (and most people should get cut off after the first round; forgive them and LET THEM GO).

And take your birth control. Never trust that a man is going to have/use a condom.

Uh, if you have children, this is a good thing.

No, it really is not. Children watching an absusive relationship is awful. Making them watch as you try to get out is worse.

[Anonymous]

1. You can’t have 100% of what you want or need 100% of the time. Pick what’s really important to you and think about how you are going to deal with the rest.

2. A man is not a plan.

3. Your relationship with your husband is its own living thing and if you want it to bear fruit, it should be nourished and developed independently of what else is going on in your life. If you want to always have a partner, you always have to be one.

Agree with this. Especially #2. As a friend once observed to me---there is no greater guarantee of equality for a woman in marriage than economic parity. Always make sure you are capable of a learning a living that will support you in the style in which you wish to live.

And a corollary to #3---while you need to make sure to nourish your relationship, also remember that there are always good times AND bad times. You cannot expect it to be perfect all the time.

[Anonymous]

Look for a man whose parents have a stable marriage and who gets along with his family members. Get a solid education and work a few years before marriage, no earlier than 25. He needs to like dogs, have an education and a steady job. Ask about history of mental illness or ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom told me to only marry a man whose job I could understand. My dad is a PhD scientist.

There was a kernel of wisdom in that.

Eh, I don’t understand my husband’s job and I’vebeen married for two decades now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reality is you are signing a lifelong legal contract with someone and you need to evaluate them separate from the love and more as a business partner who you are legally bound to.

Get a pre-nup. If you can’t have difficult talks about finances, domestic work, and expectations, it’s not the person to marry.

You can always come home and mom will take care of you. I don’t care how old, with how many kids, or how badly you messed up, my door is always open and I will help fix it.

If you are coming in to a marriage with no assets and he has them, isn’t a prenup not in your favor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Know mental disorder symptoms and check for them.

Physical disabilities, too? They can be hard to spot sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I would advise them to find a nice guy, young.

- Someone who is aligned with and supports their dreams (personal, professional, family etc.) whatever they are. And vice versa.
-Someone who is kind and mature. Doesn’t name call. Someone who fights fairly - and obviously never physical.
-Someone who doesn’t have a temper.
-No addictions.
- someone who is responsible.
- wants the same thing they do in terms of where to live, marriage, religion, having kids or not etc.
- someone who is adaptable and can compromise. Because even if you agree on all of the above, people change.