Moms what marriage advice would you give your daughters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, most women with unrealistically high expectations, are better off staying single than being disappointed and disappointing. Not worth it.

Their expectations are not unreasonable. It’s the low quality of their dating pool that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any man who wants to be a SAHD is a huge RED FLAG!

Can you explain why?

[Anonymous]

Marry young-ish right out of college or a couple of years out to a guy who comes from a nice moderately successful to successful family whose parents are still married.
He doesn’t have to be wealthy or from a rich family, but he needs to be used to a standard of living equivalent to it higher than your own where vacations are annual so that he’ll strive for that it mire in his own career.
And then work hard together to support each other and your family dream. Lift each other up and live every day with the mindset of how can I make my partner’s day better today…

All of this is ideal, of course. But that’s the advice I’d give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any man who wants to be a SAHD is a huge RED FLAG!

Can you explain why?

Not PP but yeah why is this a huge red flag? If one spouse doesn't want to raise children due to their career, what are other spouse's options other than becoming a SAHP at least until children are past KG? Not everyone can find or handle part time with home and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any man who wants to be a SAHD is a huge RED FLAG!

Can you explain why?

NP but sure.
Generally speaking, SAHDs lack ambition and the make/female dynamic is “off” when the male takes the nurturer role.
While there are some women with more masculine traits (assertive boss babe types who are happy to marry a stay-at-home dude) who are attracted to this initially, over time they will feel resentful that their beta DH isn’t pulling his weight.
Males don’t often have that same reaction toward SAHM spouses because the ones who choose women partners who want to nurture are hard wired to want to be the provider and to be nurtured by their spouse.
It’s just a biological difference.

[Anonymous]

I recommend NOT doing it, but if you're going to - make sure he is very healthy and has the same interests as you or at least the interests that you want to share with someone. Except yourself and him/her to change. Ask yourself how will this person be as an exwife/exhusband. And a spouse is not a financial plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find someone like your father. He’s as good a role model you could ever hope for.

Caveat:
Applies only if you had a great relationship with your dad.

But yes, generally speaking if your dad was a good one and provided a good role model for how a man should be for his wife and family, then absolutely that’s the kind of guy you should look for!

[Anonymous]

To be fair, its true that women accept SAHD as they want to focus on their career advancement but as soon as they are in a slightly better position, they dislike that, become controlling and use it to justify affairs and divorce.

[Anonymous]

or men become lazy or start having affairs

[Anonymous]

My daughter is intelligent and ambitious, so I'll encourage her to date and ultimately marry someone of similar intelligence, ambition, and work ethic. He should share the same values around family, money, sex, and leisure.

[Anonymous]

Do not marry someone you are not very attracted to; I counsel many couples who admit (in individual sessions) that they were never that sexually excited by their spouse. Marry someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with.

[Anonymous]

As my sister put it: Marry for money, you can medicate the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The advice I’ve given is to wait until you’ve achieved your educational goals before starting any relationship, that a partner should Support and encourage your goals, and should always make you feel safe and comfortable.
For maintaining a good relationship, communication and respect and honesty. And remember, you can only control yourself. Your partner may flake, no matter what.

Then this morphs into, “Wait until you have some financial stability,” and the goalposts keep moving. Then you end up spending $100,000 on IVF and still can’t get pregnant. There’s a reason that no women until the last 60 years of recorded history waited until their 30s to get in a relationship and start a family, and it’s not just the patriarchy.

This tbh. Don't overinvest in education and career so much that you aren't dating to marry until your 30s or 40s. You just need something to fall back on if worst comes to worst, not making it your whole lifestyle... If you do, men of value will just pick the young college grad with no fertility concerns / debt / therapy baggage, and there will be no getting those misspent years of your youth back. Those years of your life are priceless - invest them well.

Have your education wrapped up by 24 at the latest, but preferably sooner. That gives you just a few years to find a really good man before your options are limited to the bums already warned about ITT.

Your advice is that women should not be doctors or get their phDs? Terrible advice!

It better be an extremely useful PhD, if she's going to exchange her prime dating years for it; the average doctorate recipient's age is 31.5 years old.


If it's a useful degree, then she's realistically limited to a tiny dating pool of men in her income bracket... and many of them will want to date younger. If it's a useless degree, then she's 31+, with six-figure debt, and her options are terrible.

A woman's 20s are priceless. The amount of attention, validation, and proposals a woman receives at 25 versus 35 are night and day... No amount of money can replace those misspent years - they're beyond any measurable value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, its true that women accept SAHD as they want to focus on their career advancement but as soon as they are in a slightly better position, they dislike that, become controlling and use it to justify affairs and divorce.

All the SAHDs I know could not swing it in the workplace because of ADHD or other mental disorders. I would rather my daughter be single honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, most women with unrealistically high expectations, are better off staying single than being disappointed and disappointing. Not worth it.

Their expectations are not unreasonable. It’s the low quality of their dating pool that is.

BY DEFINITION, if these women are having an extremely difficult time finding what they want in the dating market, then their expectations are unreasonable.

If I go around offering 50% of the list price on those houses that appeals to me, I’m going to find it very difficult to end up closing a deal to buy a home. This would mean my approach has been unreasonable. I hope this analogy clears things up for you.