Moms what marriage advice would you give your daughters?

[Anonymous]

Marry someone like your father and grandfathers.

For better or worse, most women marry men just like their fathers. And if they didn't, they had to try really hard not to.

I disagree with the person upthread, if you're having trouble dating, your standards are not too high. It's more likely that you need to work on yourself. Becoming the best you that you can be, loving yourself, having hobbies and educating yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What advice would you give your daughter regarding how to pick a man that would be a good husband and father? What advice would you give about maintaining a marriage? I need your collective wisdom!

-work our your own stuff first. If you need therapy, get it;
-if your intended has issues and needs therapy, make sure he gets it. Don't excuse red flag issues like anger, lying, silent treatment, etc.;
-once you are on the path to marriage, live together. If you want a partnership marriage, this is the time to test it out. And compromise is not a bad word;
-If you have trouble communicating with each other, get couple's counseling to learn to communicate. If he won't go or won't put the techniques into practice, reconsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. You can’t have 100% of what you want or need 100% of the time. Pick what’s really important to you and think about how you are going to deal with the rest.

2. A man is not a plan.

3. Your relationship with your husband is its own living thing and if you want it to bear fruit, it should be nourished and developed independently of what else is going on in your life. If you want to always have a partner, you always have to be one.

This embodies much of what I would (and have) said and I’ll add these few:

When trying to negotiate something, if my partner has a real preference and I am indifferent, support them all the way.

Fight in front of a mirror so you can see your own (usually awful) body language.

To “really” be heard and get their attention, whisper instead of yell.

Sleep on any Big decision. Morning almost always brings clarity.

Avoid addicts and the angry. They rarely change.

Say you’re sorry way more than you expect to hear it.

Hugs are free. Children are expensive. Be on the same page about both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, most women with unrealistically high expectations, are better off staying single than being disappointed and disappointing. Not worth it.

Their expectations are not unreasonable. It’s the low quality of their dating pool that is.

BY DEFINITION, if these women are having an extremely difficult time finding what they want in the dating market, then their expectations are unreasonable.

If I go around offering 50% of the list price on those houses that appeals to me, I’m going to find it very difficult to end up closing a deal to buy a home. This would mean my approach has been unreasonable. I hope this analogy clears things up for you.

Lies and wishful thinking. I'm in a committed relationship, but I have single friends and it truly can be a nightmare out there. We have statistics that tell us that women graduate college at much higher rates, are achieving financial success and buying homes at higher rates, etc. Men are flailing and failing and a lot of women who are awesome simply dont have easy access to male counterparts.

I just saw a discussion on the show "Love Is Blind: Germany" and people were talking about why the casting directors always put such mediocre men on the show when all the women seem great. And then others responded about how "That's just how the dating pool works", which does seem to be the case. Even professional casting directors working across multiple international cities cannot find many eligible, truly appealing men. Meanwhile theyve got plenty of great women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, its true that women accept SAHD as they want to focus on their career advancement but as soon as they are in a slightly better position, they dislike that, become controlling and use it to justify affairs and divorce.

All the SAHDs I know could not swing it in the workplace because of ADHD or other mental disorders. I would rather my daughter be single honestly.

Not necessarily. One low and one high ambition spouse can be mutually beneficial and have a good family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marry someone like your father and grandfathers.

For better or worse, most women marry men just like their fathers. And if they didn't, they had to try really hard not to.

I disagree with the person upthread, if you're having trouble dating, your standards are not too high. It's more likely that you need to work on yourself. Becoming the best you that you can be, loving yourself, having hobbies and educating yourself.

Honestly I hope my daughters marry someone who’s less selfish and more mature than my husband. He was completely coddled as a kid and young adult with helicoptering, indulgent parents and it shows as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Life is a series of stressful events. That is unavoidable. Marry someone that has healthy coping mechanisms. If a man needs alcohol, drugs, gambling, or other unhealthy behaviors etc to cope with stress, it will not work out.

Who you marry will determine your life trajectory as well as your kids and future generations. Find someone kind, loving. affectionate, ambitious, and committed. Whatever traits you marry are the traits that will be passed down to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is you are signing a lifelong legal contract with someone and you need to evaluate them separate from the love and more as a business partner who you are legally bound to.

Get a pre-nup. If you can’t have difficult talks about finances, domestic work, and expectations, it’s not the person to marry.

You can always come home and mom will take care of you. I don’t care how old, with how many kids, or how badly you messed up, my door is always open and I will help fix it.

If you are coming in to a marriage with no assets and he has them, isn’t a prenup not in your favor?

I am a happily married woman. I have a 27yr DD. I believe if my DD has no assets, they she should sigh a prenup. If she has not earned the money prior to marriage, then she should not get a share from the ex-spouse assets earned prior to the marriage. Infact, if there are no kids in the first 3 years of marriage, there should not be any asset divison if divorce happens. Once kids are in picture, all assets earned during the period that were married should be divided.

In fact, I believe this should be the rule for all marriages. Prenup or no prenup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marry someone like your father and grandfathers.

For better or worse, most women marry men just like their fathers. And if they didn't, they had to try really hard not to.

I disagree with the person upthread, if you're having trouble dating, your standards are not too high. It's more likely that you need to work on yourself. Becoming the best you that you can be, loving yourself, having hobbies and educating yourself.

So long as a person recognizes they need to do better (and for women, "do better" isn't referring to income or education, but rather the things men care about: looks, personality, and hobbies), then I agree that their standards are not too high. However, if they refuse to improve themselves in the aforementioned ways (and more), while still holding those same standards... Then their standards are indeed too high.

In regards to your previous statement about marrying men like your father/grandfather, I do agree, but with a caveat: marry a man like your father when he was your age. Naturally, if you're 25 and your father is 55, you are not going to meet a man your age who has the same level of maturity, intelligence, and resources than your father - you'd have to date a man closer to your father's age. However, if you date a man who is like a younger version of your father, you'll find that means a man who generally shares your life vision, but is still growing in maturity, status, wealth, etc.

Expecting a 25 year old man to provide the same quality of life as a man who is at the end of his career or retired is unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

This assumption that somehow men are inferior to women or vice versa is the reason behind people not being able to find or keep suitable and healthy relationships.

[Anonymous]

Never be 100% financially reliant on a spouse.

[Anonymous]

Always have your own funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What advice would you give your daughter regarding how to pick a man that would be a good husband and father? What advice would you give about maintaining a marriage? I need your collective wisdom!

Pay attention to how he treats people when he thinks no one’s watching, how he treats waitstaff, etc. Find someone who makes you laugh, and that you can “just be” with. Don’t marry a guy who won’t be the passenger in a car driven by his wife, or any other LDE stuff like that.

Advice for maintaining a marriage: admit when you’re wrong, and apologize. Forgive the little things, you’re both humans just trying your best. Have lots of sex.

[Anonymous]

As long as you're taking care of yourself, do whatever the hell you want - provided it doesn't harm others.

There are no guarantees from anyone - a spouse, society, etc. Might as well do what you want any time, all the time. Again, as long as you can take care of yourself and don't hurt others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What advice would you give your daughter regarding how to pick a man that would be a good husband and father? What advice would you give about maintaining a marriage? I need your collective wisdom!

Pay attention to how he treats people when he thinks no one’s watching, how he treats waitstaff, etc. Find someone who makes you laugh, and that you can “just be” with. Don’t marry a guy who won’t be the passenger in a car driven by his wife, or any other LDE stuff like that.

Advice for maintaining a marriage: admit when you’re wrong, and apologize. Forgive the little things, you’re both humans just trying your best. Have lots of sex.

What is LDE?