Asian Parents Broke Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Eastern European immigrant. We also push our kids academically: the reason is that education is a way out of poverty. Sure, the kid can ridicule the idea that education gives you success, but he's never lived in any other country and has no idea how people live around the world. Living in the US in many ways provides a privileged life, which is why so many people from poor countries want to come here. He has no understanding at all how he wouldn't make it in China with a more than a billion people around him. I think the big issue here (I watched the video) was that the kid is not smart (he said he knows his IQ and it's above average), so he was pushed over his limit.

Agree. But, I think a lot of these parents think that if you just work harder, you can do it.

We try to judge where our kids' limits are, and push them to get there, and take academics seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow that's an offensive video. He compared his childhood to Auschwitz, and then goes on to say all sorts of ableist things.

The kid on the video sounds stupid.

And this post is racist.

[Anonymous]

Push kids to get out of poverty? GTFOH. You are all umc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Push kids to get out of poverty? GTFOH. You are all umc

We're not UMC, but comfortable, but as I said, there's no generational wealth. How do you think people normally get out of poverty if they have no connections and come from a poor country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He shouldn’t have started the video talking about the art and piano classes, they were weak examples. Thats normal parenting when you kids are interested in something. All the academic pressures and all free time being dedicated to getting ahead academically is messed up though.

LOL, no. Putting a little kid in formal art classes because they like to draw is NOT normal behavior.

Piano classes need to be a balance between formal learning and not sucking the fun out if it. This isn’t hard to achieve but neither the kid’s parents nor his teacher seemed to consider this at all.

I had my kid in art classes to develop that side of the brain, which we completely lack He did it for a few years and now can do basic drawings for school, which he sure could not before without help. Yes, piano is not fun for most -- I also did it as a kid and never played after. There is no balance in piano learning: you either know how to play or bang the keys aimlessly (which is not pleasant to listen to). Therefore I didn't force and instrument on my kids at all -- will probably hear about it later.

Again - LOL, no.

My daughter takes piano lessons. 1) It was at her request and 2) her teacher has her spend half of each lesson and her practice time working out of lesson books but spends the *other* half teaching her to play tunes that *she wants to play*. Music that would be years down the road if she was sticking to her formal level. And of course that would probably make her lose interest entirely.

She is happy to do the not so fun work part because she knows that she also gets to do the interesting fun part, too.

Balance.

Lol indeed. Wait until your DD is adult to see what she really thinks of this.

I can’t imagine what ominous future you are trying to warn me of… do tell!

[Anonymous]

OMG, I saw the second video that OP posted. Can't believe I wasted all that time listening to the guy.

The Wei kid sounds so whiny. I feel sorry for him. He sounds preachy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Push kids to get out of poverty? GTFOH. You are all umc

We're not UMC, but comfortable, but as I said, there's no generational wealth. How do you think people normally get out of poverty if they have no connections and come from a poor country?

You can get a nursing degree, accounting degree, join the police...really so many paths out there that don't require being THE best student, and pay pretty well and with good benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Push kids to get out of poverty? GTFOH. You are all umc

We're not UMC, but comfortable, but as I said, there's no generational wealth. How do you think people normally get out of poverty if they have no connections and come from a poor country?

So dramatic. Spare us bootstrapper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If your kids asks for art classes and you oblige, fantastic. If your kid shows you the awesome picture he just drew and the next thing he knows he’s being forced to spend his Saturday mornings in a classroom drawing pictures of hands or fruit or something, you’ve got a screw loose.

Not sure if you have kids, but kids normally don't know "art classes" or "soccer training" or "church" or anything exists until they get introduced into it. I've never had my 3 yo ask me to take her to the children's museum or water park the first time either!

I do have kids… I practice this new-fangled parenting technique of actually talking to them. So if I thought my kid might enjoy an art class, I might say something like “Hey Larlo, there is a class where they can teach you how to draw whatever at such and such time and place! Want to give it a try?” Or maybe later if he does decide to give it a go “if you don’t like it you don’t have to keep doing it.”

If your kid is old enough for art class your kid is old enough to talk to like a real, actual person.

[Anonymous]

Did anyone watch the rest of his video? Agree this kid has issues, but I am not sure it can necessarily be blamed on his parents.

I had an Asian-American coworker who complained to us that he resents his parents. Didn't understand why they didn't push him enough and gave him free will to fail, and he had to learn the hard way. No joke.

Seems like parents just can't win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Again - LOL, no.

My daughter takes piano lessons. 1) It was at her request and 2) her teacher has her spend half of each lesson and her practice time working out of lesson books but spends the *other* half teaching her to play tunes that *she wants to play*. Music that would be years down the road if she was sticking to her formal level. And of course that would probably make her lose interest entirely.

She is happy to do the not so fun work part because she knows that she also gets to do the interesting fun part, too.

Balance.

Lol indeed. Wait until your DD is adult to see what she really thinks of this.

I can’t imagine what ominous future you are trying to warn me of… do tell!

You're too dramatic. My parents also thought I liked piano lessons. In the long run I didn't. I played for 15 years. I don't blame my parents for this though. Usually people who have kids learn that at some point what their kids wanted before they don't want any more. Like you don't want now what you wanted in your 20s. Which is why we usually push our kids to try this and that and see if something sticks. And like a PP said, you never know until they're adults -- some will be mad they didn't get pushed enough and some will be mad they did. If you haven't had an experience where your kid doesn't want to do something and you convince them and after the event they're so happy they did it -- you've got a long way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Push kids to get out of poverty? GTFOH. You are all umc

We're not UMC, but comfortable, but as I said, there's no generational wealth. How do you think people normally get out of poverty if they have no connections and come from a poor country?

So dramatic. Spare us bootstrapper

Nothing dramatic about it. You don't seem to realize how people live in the rest of the world. I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Push kids to get out of poverty? GTFOH. You are all umc

We're not UMC, but comfortable, but as I said, there's no generational wealth. How do you think people normally get out of poverty if they have no connections and come from a poor country?

So dramatic. Spare us bootstrapper

Nothing dramatic about it. You don't seem to realize how people live in the rest of the world. I do.

I am also Eastern European and pushing your child to the point of mental breakdown is hardly a measure of success or a way out of poverty. I wonder if they eased up a bit if he wouldn't have finished college. Either way, pushing so hard that your child becomes suicidal and physically sick is not the way to go not matter how much you want it for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Again - LOL, no.

My daughter takes piano lessons. 1) It was at her request and 2) her teacher has her spend half of each lesson and her practice time working out of lesson books but spends the *other* half teaching her to play tunes that *she wants to play*. Music that would be years down the road if she was sticking to her formal level. And of course that would probably make her lose interest entirely.

She is happy to do the not so fun work part because she knows that she also gets to do the interesting fun part, too.

Balance.

Lol indeed. Wait until your DD is adult to see what she really thinks of this.

I can’t imagine what ominous future you are trying to warn me of… do tell!

You're too dramatic. My parents also thought I liked piano lessons. In the long run I didn't. I played for 15 years. I don't blame my parents for this though. Usually people who have kids learn that at some point what their kids wanted before they don't want any more. Like you don't want now what you wanted in your 20s. Which is why we usually push our kids to try this and that and see if something sticks. And like a PP said, you never know until they're adults -- some will be mad they didn't get pushed enough and some will be mad they did. If you haven't had an experience where your kid doesn't want to do something and you convince them and after the event they're so happy they did it -- you've got a long way to go.

Umm… what? You’re accusing me of being too dramatic while your point (being generous in characterizing it as such) is that my daughter tells me she likes piano, but she’s actually lying and secretly hates it?

Again, I actually am aware that my kids are real people and I talk to them about their lives, thoughts, feelings, etc. I have kids in high school, middle school, and elementary school, so forgive me if I don’t put too much stock in the advice of a bunch of toddler moms.

(Or the advice of moms who have adult children who resent them!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Nothing dramatic about it. You don't seem to realize how people live in the rest of the world. I do.

I am also Eastern European and pushing your child to the point of mental breakdown is hardly a measure of success or a way out of poverty. I wonder if they eased up a bit if he wouldn't have finished college. Either way, pushing so hard that your child becomes suicidal and physically sick is not the way to go not matter how much you want it for them.

Sure, I said you cannot abuse someone to achieve. The kid in the video is not smart enough for a physics degree and he didn't realize it (if I understood correctly, he had cut off his parents by then). He could easily finish something else. I didn't look for other videos and don't know if he did.