Son’s Suitemate Acting Erratically

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd really avoid the whole "put him on a plane" thing. that sounds racist AF.

And I'm not sure what's happening in the suite. Lots of kids live with extremely problematic suite mates. Kids who are up all night listening to music or are outwardly homophobic or racist to a gay or URM kid.

If I were you, I'd think locally. Get a text chain going with the other parents. Say, I'm worried FOR this kid. See if you can get a base of support .

I agree it “sounds” racist. But him not being a citizen, actually gives more leverage to do something about it. Soliciting a prostitute, indecent exposure, etc. actually can get your visa revoked. I’m exploring all options.

sorry, when I said it sounds racist, I was soft peddling. I think you're totally racist. but that doesn't mean you're not also a concerned mom.

there's a lot that people won't put up with - racists Karens are high on the list. ICE won't care. The school will listen to the students or, perhaps, a group of "concerned for this young man" parents. pretend you are concerned.

I’m Latina, and my son is Latino. I guess I’m a Latina Karen then (Cariña) lol! I’m here legally, though, so wouldn’t have a problem calling ICE. Thing about us Latinos though, is we tend to be socially conservative and have a problem with sex offenders.

Fascinating that people would call you a racist for suggesting that a guest in our country that commits a crime should be sent back. Wonder if the PP would want a guest in her house to commit these actions? OP-with that many boys in a room this could escalate quickly, I'd suggest your kid get a room change ASAP or more than the current criminal student could easily find themselves in trouble.

[Anonymous]

I think you're going entirely the wrong way by contacting the police and ICE. The university has responsibilities that include student safety and assisting with mental health concerns. I'd write to the Dean of Students and the head of Campus Mental Health about your concerns for your son's safety and his extreme discomfort in being housed with a repeat sexual predator. They need to tell you how they are keeping your son safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your kid to document everything, contact campus police every time, and email school admins for housing and student life (dean of students or whatever his school calls it) every time. Document. Everything. And have him (not you) continue to pester the school about it. The more noise your son, his suite mates, the RA, and other affected students make, the better. But THEY need to do it, not you.

Thank you. This is good advice. I can’t believe the campus police officer suggested my son make a citizen’s arrest. I think you actually have to put your hand on the perp’s upper arm when you do that. I don’t want my son in that kid’s consciousness. He’s already requested they be instagram friends. His photos on insta are selfies of him wearing a woman’s bra, BTW.

This sounds very trollish. I would believe an erratic roommate, that the college is working slowly to assist. I do not believe they suggested citizens arrest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're going entirely the wrong way by contacting the police and ICE. The university has responsibilities that include student safety and assisting with mental health concerns. I'd write to the Dean of Students and the head of Campus Mental Health about your concerns for your son's safety and his extreme discomfort in being housed with a repeat sexual predator. They need to tell you how they are keeping your son safe.

This is what I got back from the dean of residential education:
“ Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. I know situations like these can be very concerning for the students and family members involved.

The university has a number of procedures and policies to follow to follow in situations like these. We are actively navigating the matter, and it does take some time to resolve.

In the meantime, please have ___ contact his Resident Director for the ___ community as needed for information, resources, and support. He can also contact the campus police by calling 911 for any emergencies or ___for non-urgent concerns.

Thank you again for reaching out.”

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned too and my college kid would certainly be stressed too but you really will get further if you begin speaking about this as a likely mental health crisis rather than him being a “sexual predator.” Maybe he’s a completely sane serial exhibitionist but it’s probably much more likely he’s in the midst of a serious psychiatric episode, possibly for the first time. All that is true AND it’s normal that your son is uncomfortable and wants a change.

[Anonymous]

The female RA is only a sophomore. She must be terrified and feel she is getting no support. Especially since she called the cops and they came and said there was nothing they could do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be concerned too and my college kid would certainly be stressed too but you really will get further if you begin speaking about this as a likely mental health crisis rather than him being a “sexual predator.” Maybe he’s a completely sane serial exhibitionist but it’s probably much more likely he’s in the midst of a serious psychiatric episode, possibly for the first time. All that is true AND it’s normal that your son is uncomfortable and wants a change.

The university has history for expelling a mentally-ill student and letting him loose on the community, where he promptly started murdering people. They care about mental health until they don’t anymore and it’s someone else’s problem. They are probably being sued right now over the deaths of people two years ago, but the settlements will be chump change to the state university system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd really avoid the whole "put him on a plane" thing. that sounds racist AF.

And I'm not sure what's happening in the suite. Lots of kids live with extremely problematic suite mates. Kids who are up all night listening to music or are outwardly homophobic or racist to a gay or URM kid.

If I were you, I'd think locally. Get a text chain going with the other parents. Say, I'm worried FOR this kid. See if you can get a base of support .

I agree it “sounds” racist. But him not being a citizen, actually gives more leverage to do something about it. Soliciting a prostitute, indecent exposure, etc. actually can get your visa revoked. I’m exploring all options.

sorry, when I said it sounds racist, I was soft peddling. I think you're totally racist. but that doesn't mean you're not also a concerned mom.

there's a lot that people won't put up with - racists Karens are high on the list. ICE won't care. The school will listen to the students or, perhaps, a group of "concerned for this young man" parents. pretend you are concerned.

The kid is beating on his little pecker in public and acting like an unstable maniac, but OP is "totally racist" for wanting to use whatever legal leverage she can to stop it and create a safer environment for her kid? Give me a break.

I mean, the son hasn't moved out of the suite. So that tells me the people there are not worried about their safety

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be concerned too and my college kid would certainly be stressed too but you really will get further if you begin speaking about this as a likely mental health crisis rather than him being a “sexual predator.” Maybe he’s a completely sane serial exhibitionist but it’s probably much more likely he’s in the midst of a serious psychiatric episode, possibly for the first time. All that is true AND it’s normal that your son is uncomfortable and wants a change.

Do you hear yourself? You handle bothe. You can have a mental health crisis and not be a sexual predator. All sexual predators suffer from a mental health crisis. No free pass for criminals. God you people are feckless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're going entirely the wrong way by contacting the police and ICE. The university has responsibilities that include student safety and assisting with mental health concerns. I'd write to the Dean of Students and the head of Campus Mental Health about your concerns for your son's safety and his extreme discomfort in being housed with a repeat sexual predator. They need to tell you how they are keeping your son safe.

This is what I got back from the dean of residential education:
“ Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. I know situations like these can be very concerning for the students and family members involved.

The university has a number of procedures and policies to follow to follow in situations like these. We are actively navigating the matter, and it does take some time to resolve.

In the meantime, please have ___ contact his Resident Director for the ___ community as needed for information, resources, and support. He can also contact the campus police by calling 911 for any emergencies or ___for non-urgent concerns.

Thank you again for reaching out.”

Call the actual police next time and report it. Keep calling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd really avoid the whole "put him on a plane" thing. that sounds racist AF.

And I'm not sure what's happening in the suite. Lots of kids live with extremely problematic suite mates. Kids who are up all night listening to music or are outwardly homophobic or racist to a gay or URM kid.

If I were you, I'd think locally. Get a text chain going with the other parents. Say, I'm worried FOR this kid. See if you can get a base of support .

I agree it “sounds” racist. But him not being a citizen, actually gives more leverage to do something about it. Soliciting a prostitute, indecent exposure, etc. actually can get your visa revoked. I’m exploring all options.

sorry, when I said it sounds racist, I was soft peddling. I think you're totally racist. but that doesn't mean you're not also a concerned mom.

there's a lot that people won't put up with - racists Karens are high on the list. ICE won't care. The school will listen to the students or, perhaps, a group of "concerned for this young man" parents. pretend you are concerned.

The kid is beating on his little pecker in public and acting like an unstable maniac, but OP is "totally racist" for wanting to use whatever legal leverage she can to stop it and create a safer environment for her kid? Give me a break.

I mean, the son hasn't moved out of the suite. So that tells me the people there are not worried about their safety

They are 18 year old boys who have just come from living in nuclear families. I’m sure none of them have encountered anything remotely like this. They don’t have the sophistication or life experience to know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be concerned too and my college kid would certainly be stressed too but you really will get further if you begin speaking about this as a likely mental health crisis rather than him being a “sexual predator.” Maybe he’s a completely sane serial exhibitionist but it’s probably much more likely he’s in the midst of a serious psychiatric episode, possibly for the first time. All that is true AND it’s normal that your son is uncomfortable and wants a change.

100% this. It is indeed a mental health crisis and it is definitely possible that it is the first psychiatric episode for this young person.

Op, if the immediate roommates in the triple with this young man are sticking it out, then I would think your son would want to stick it out with the eight other people in the 12 person suite as well? Your son has to make a tough decision to either stay or go. I don’t know how much control you have over how the university is choosing to handle this. I am surprised at the university is not taking greater action. For example, I’m surprised they are not trying to find a single for that young man while he works through his mental health issues. But, if his two immediate roommates in the triple are not complaining, I can understand also why they are deciding to leave it as is.

It’s a tough situation all around. As a process sidenote, I agree with others that the tone of your original post focusing on the kids nationality didn’t sound great and frankly distracted from your goal, which was to get helpful ideas on the practical issues here. I suggest you leave that part out if you try to talk to other people at the university and just focus on your concern for the kids mental stability which seems very legitimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I just got off with the town police. They said it was out of their jurisdiction and offered to transfer me to campus police. I don’t have the emails of the parents because I didn’t want to be a helicopter mom. I wouldn’t know how to get them.

you're a troll.

college campuses are not like Vatican City. local police have total jurisdiction. campus cops can handle some things and admin can crack down on violations to policy (far below a legal line), but local police can step in whenever, wherever they want.

give me a break with your racist trolling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You wanting a kid who is in crisis to go back where they came from is not going to help you get any outcome you’re happy w.

Your kid can request a room change.

This sounds similar to the man who did this to the daycare kids in DC a year ago. Was that mental health break?

Public masturbation is a sex crime and in some jurisdictions is SA. This is past a level of being “in crisis”. And people who do this escalate their behavior.

Why wasn’t the kid arrested? This seems like a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I just got off with the town police. They said it was out of their jurisdiction and offered to transfer me to campus police. I don’t have the emails of the parents because I didn’t want to be a helicopter mom. I wouldn’t know how to get them.

you're a troll.

college campuses are not like Vatican City. local police have total jurisdiction. campus cops can handle some things and admin can crack down on violations to policy (far below a legal line), but local police can step in whenever, wherever they want.

give me a break with your racist trolling

Good to know they can step in, but that’s not what the dispatcher said. They probably don’t want the hassle. I told him I was giving him a heads up on the situation in case they have to go in lockdown again. He was definitely writing stuff down.