Son’s Suitemate Acting Erratically

[Anonymous]

My freshman son at a state university has an international suitemate from China who is acting erratically. He was taken away on a 72 hour hold a month ago for masturbating in the dorm lobby in broad daylight. He came back and the female RA caught him doing it again on Friday. She called campus cops who came by and said there was nothing they could do. The guy doesn’t speak good English and was relying on his Chinese-American roommate to translate. That roommate just moved out. I’m concerned, because a mentally-I’ll student who was expelled two years ago stabbed 2 people to death. I want the kid on a plane back to China. I wrote the dean of residential education and was basically blown off. I called campus police. The sergeant said the college has an adjudicating process, and I should trust it to work. Or I could have my son make a citizen’s arrest of the kid next time he exposes himself. I don’t want my son to capture this guy’s attention. He has already violated our state’s lewd conduct law, which should get his visa revoked. Should I call the town police? Report him to ICE? Call a journalist? I am concerned for my son’s safety and really did not envision this to be part of his freshman dorm experience.

[Anonymous]

Very confused why campus cops said there was nothing they could do about a kid rubbing one out in the common areas. I’d urge students to call town police (911) the next time they catch this guy in the act.

In the meantime, is there a process your son can start to move/get a room reassignment? Friends he can stay with?

[Anonymous]

You should manage your own kid. Ask to move rooms. Go that route.

[Anonymous]

You want a kid deported for masturbation (albeit in public)?
Is the kid doing drugs?

[Anonymous]

Thing is, he really bonded with his direct roommates. At a campus so large, it’s hard to make friends. He doesn’t want the disruption. As far as the campus police, not doing anything. Maybe they were told not to. I forgot to mention, he was institutionalized for a week the second week of school, that’s, besides the 72 hour hold.

[Anonymous]

You wanting a kid who is in crisis to go back where they came from is not going to help you get any outcome you’re happy w.

Your kid can request a room change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want a kid deported for masturbation (albeit in public)?
Is the kid doing drugs?

I want him sent home to a family, and country, that should take care of his mental illness. Who knows how it will escalate? You think he should still be in school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thing is, he really bonded with his direct roommates. At a campus so large, it’s hard to make friends. He doesn’t want the disruption. As far as the campus police, not doing anything. Maybe they were told not to. I forgot to mention, he was institutionalized for a week the second week of school, that’s, besides the 72 hour hold.

Then wait it out. You can't control someone else, even if they are doing the wrong things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You wanting a kid who is in crisis to go back where they came from is not going to help you get any outcome you’re happy w.

Your kid can request a room change.

What about the other boys in the suite? They should put up with this behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman son at a state university has an international suitemate from China who is acting erratically. He was taken away on a 72 hour hold a month ago for masturbating in the dorm lobby in broad daylight. He came back and the female RA caught him doing it again on Friday. She called campus cops who came by and said there was nothing they could do. The guy doesn’t speak good English and was relying on his Chinese-American roommate to translate. That roommate just moved out. I’m concerned, because a mentally-I’ll student who was expelled two years ago stabbed 2 people to death. I want the kid on a plane back to China. I wrote the dean of residential education and was basically blown off. I called campus police. The sergeant said the college has an adjudicating process, and I should trust it to work. Or I could have my son make a citizen’s arrest of the kid next time he exposes himself. I don’t want my son to capture this guy’s attention. He has already violated our state’s lewd conduct law, which should get his visa revoked. Should I call the town police? Report him to ICE? Call a journalist? I am concerned for my son’s safety and really did not envision this to be part of his freshman dorm experience.

This can't be real. This isn't the post of a normal person and I think we should ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Your son can spread the word to call real cops instead of campus cops and then everyone just waits for the next event, or he can move out (or both). Everyone should continue to ask the school to intervene - squeaky wheel and all that - and certainly document any episodes. But YOU, the parent, can’t do anything more than you’ve done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman son at a state university has an international suitemate from China who is acting erratically. He was taken away on a 72 hour hold a month ago for masturbating in the dorm lobby in broad daylight. He came back and the female RA caught him doing it again on Friday. She called campus cops who came by and said there was nothing they could do. The guy doesn’t speak good English and was relying on his Chinese-American roommate to translate. That roommate just moved out. I’m concerned, because a mentally-I’ll student who was expelled two years ago stabbed 2 people to death. I want the kid on a plane back to China. I wrote the dean of residential education and was basically blown off. I called campus police. The sergeant said the college has an adjudicating process, and I should trust it to work. Or I could have my son make a citizen’s arrest of the kid next time he exposes himself. I don’t want my son to capture this guy’s attention. He has already violated our state’s lewd conduct law, which should get his visa revoked. Should I call the town police? Report him to ICE? Call a journalist? I am concerned for my son’s safety and really did not envision this to be part of his freshman dorm experience.

This can't be real. This isn't the post of a normal person and I think we should ignore it.

OP here: I agree it is surreal which is why I’m posting here for help. Never in my wildest dreams did I think this would be my son’s experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son can spread the word to call real cops instead of campus cops and then everyone just waits for the next event, or he can move out (or both). Everyone should continue to ask the school to intervene - squeaky wheel and all that - and certainly document any episodes. But YOU, the parent, can’t do anything more than you’ve done.

After the sergeant told me that my son should make a citizen’s arrest, I asked him what would happen if he called the town cops. He paused and said they wouldn’t come. I’m going to call the town police station today to see if that’s true. They may appreciate a heads-up about the situation. I have a college friend who lives there and she said the whole town was terrified and put on lockdown while they searched for the expelled stabber two years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You wanting a kid who is in crisis to go back where they came from is not going to help you get any outcome you’re happy w.

Your kid can request a room change.

What about the other boys in the suite? They should put up with this behavior?

They aren’t your responsibility. They need to make their own decisions.

I get this is weird and stressful, and something these freshmen didn’t expect and likely aren’t sure how to handle. But you’ve called the school. You’ve already intervened to the extent that you can and should. Counsel your son on how to document what happens, to continue reporting to the school, and to call 911 if needed, and to start the process to move if that’s what he would like to do. That’s all you can do now. Guide your son but step back.

[Anonymous]

So what is going on with the college adjudicating process?