DH Was Called a 'Twink'

[Anonymous]

He's testing your husband hoping that he's in the closet. If this was a coworker I'd say complain but if this is his BOSS he needs to get a new job pronto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just find a new job. Workplace messes are rarely fixable.

+1 This sort of thing does not change.

If he doesn't like it, he should leave.

[Anonymous]

Is what your husband really bothered by is the perception that he might be gay?

[Anonymous]

If someone called me a twink, I would say, “Isn’t that an offensive term? Regardless, probably not a good idea to use such a charged word in the workplace.” And then I would walk away.

I would tell HR what happened and how I handled it…unless the HR department is largely lgbtq…in which case I wouldn’t risk backlash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's testing your husband hoping that he's in the closet. If this was a coworker I'd say complain but if this is his BOSS he needs to get a new job pronto.

Most of gay friends all believe that deep down all men are gay, and the ones who are out are the only strong ones. But that is only discussed in private. This co-worker/manager is not only a bully, but he is calling the DH gay. I really hate this type of gay man. It screams insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is what your husband really bothered by is the perception that he might be gay?

He's bothered because he is being bullied. At work. By a manager. Just as a woman would be bothered by a male boss telling her she's hot. It is inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Interesting that your husband counts the number of his POC and gay co-workers. Says a lot about him. “Moderate?” Yea, sure . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone called me a twink, I would say, “Isn’t that an offensive term? Regardless, probably not a good idea to use such a charged word in the workplace.” And then I would walk away.

I would tell HR what happened and how I handled it…unless the HR department is largely lgbtq…in which case I wouldn’t risk backlash.

Yes. He should do this. But if he was the type of person to respond as such, he never would have been called a Twink in the first place. Bullies pick targets who they know won't fight back.

[Anonymous]

Anyone defending the manager is a bully themselves. There is no way around the fact that a gay man calling a straight man a Twink in the workplace is inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone called me a twink, I would say, “Isn’t that an offensive term? Regardless, probably not a good idea to use such a charged word in the workplace.” And then I would walk away.

I would tell HR what happened and how I handled it…unless the HR department is largely lgbtq…in which case I wouldn’t risk backlash.

Yes. He should do this. But if he was the type of person to respond as such, he never would have been called a Twink in the first place. Bullies pick targets who they know won't fight back.

The guy might not be bully.

He might just be a hypersexual dummy with no filter and bad judgment. We’ve all encountered these people who act inappropriately at work. I once saw two colleagues twerk in the lunchroom and slap each others butts while gleefully using inappropriate language. Some people don’t see anything wrong with behavior the rest of us know is clearly inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

This is report to HR territory, not lawsuit territory. A one off comment doesn't constitute a hostile work environment. If he reports it and the comments don't stop or there is retaliation, that's a different story. Either way, if he hopes to one day make a sexual harassment claim, he needs to make a report.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

Eh it's one of those grey terms. My brother described himself as a twink when he was a teen. But he also had friends who were offended by being called one. I think people can use it to ridicule someone.

It definitely can be used as an insult. It can be used to demean. It's like calling someone a wimp. You're implying they are weak and powerless.

It’s extremely context dependent whether the term is insulting, but it’s rarely used as a synonym for wimp.

Isn't it used to denote that one who plays the woman in a sexual act? That's very offensive.

[Anonymous]

So many peoople think that because gay men are part of a protected class that they can just get away with this behavior. I am a white woman and was subjected to emotional abuse and physcial threats by a gay male HR manager, but just had to put up with it because of my boss's bias for white gay men. Horrific. He should absolutely document this, OP, in case it keeps happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what is this, the 1980s? Haven't heard that one in a while. Yes, this is sexual harassment. It is grounds for a lawsuit.

You are insane.

PP is not remotely insane. It is clear that that man is harassing OP's husband. He probably would not have mentioned this if he didn't already feel uncomfortable about his boss

[Anonymous]

Probably does not have a sexual harassment claim (yet).

Absolutely inappropriate 1000%.

Your husband needs to decide what he wants to do about it regarding:
filing a complaint with HR or not,
saying something to the manager or not,
looking for a new job or not.