DH Was Called a 'Twink'

[Anonymous]

OP, your DH needs to find a new job. He has a target on his back if there is someone there who feels they can call him anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the surface, this definitely seems like harassment. For those of you saying this is in some way complementary, I would have you consider this under a different lens. If it was a man who said to a woman You are hot. You have a great body. You look sexy. Whatever. That would absolutely be harassment.

I don’t think anyone serious is saying it’s complimentary, just that it’s not a term of derision. That doesn’t mean it isn’t still inappropriate.

Calling a woman isn't necessarily derision, but in the right context it could be made to make someone uncomfortable. A power play.

That to me is what is going on here. The co-worker is using language that is inappropriate for the office, and implies something that is an unwelcome advance or is said as a power play to make the receiver feel uncomfortable.

There is no way this is not reportable.

But given that he's a white male, he's better off getting a new job. Nothing good comes out of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should let this person know that he did not appreciate the name-calling and would like to request that it never happene again.

Sexual harassment generally requires a sustained and pervasive situation that affects a person‘s work in someway. This sounds like a jerk who needs to be corrected immediately.

If the behavior continues, your husband should approach HR and tell them about the documented instances and request the intervene.

The legal level of having a claim is not the same as what should be reported in the workplace. This should be reported. You have no idea how many other complaints there are against the same guy. If everyone waited until there was a legal cause of action for themselves, you would have allowed a hostile environment to be created without allowing the company to fix anything before that happens. I guarantee if OP's DH checks the sexual harassment policy it will instruct him to report being called a sexual slur by a manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

Twink= young, slim, hairless, and effeminate man

[Anonymous]

A gay or effeminate man, or a young man regarded as an object of homosexual desire, usually a “bottom”.
“omg look at Noah Miller he is totally a twink!”

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=twink

[Anonymous]

Tbh, I feel like this is going to get him nowhere and just cause more trouble for him. I’d let it go and look for work elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

What in the hell. Tell him to man up and ignore the idiots. Not everything requires a pay out.

This.

[Anonymous]

I’m an HR lawyer. This is totally inappropriate. By itself it’s probably not sufficiently severe or pervasive to constitute actionable harassment. But if could still be grounds for discipline. My guess is that if this is the only instance on record, it will result in counseling or maybe training for the guy in question. Often with these characters, there are already conplaints on record and HR is just dying for someone to make another complaint so that they can finally cut the guy loose. Unfortunately, you just don’t know if your husbands complaint would be the first or the final complaint. If there are other instances that your husband can cobble together (including inappropriate comments made to others that he witnessed), that might help his case.

[Anonymous]

It is offensive but not worth making a claim. You can be sure the bully manager would find a way to make your husbands life worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

Eh it's one of those grey terms. My brother described himself as a twink when he was a teen. But he also had friends who were offended by being called one. I think people can use it to ridicule someone.

It definitely can be used as an insult. It can be used to demean. It's like calling someone a wimp. You're implying they are weak and powerless.

It’s extremely context dependent whether the term is insulting, but it’s rarely used as a synonym for wimp.

And if it were, being called a wimp is not actionable. And if he complains about it, he pretty much proved the point . . .

[Anonymous]

Just find a new job. Workplace messes are rarely fixable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the surface, this definitely seems like harassment. For those of you saying this is in some way complementary, I would have you consider this under a different lens. If it was a man who said to a woman You are hot. You have a great body. You look sexy. Whatever. That would absolutely be harassment.

WTF are you blabbing on about? It's unwanted, aggressive, sexual attention. The speaker doesn't get to decide whethere it is derisive. The object of the language does. I can't tell your wife that her rack is stellar and that I'd like to bury my face in it and then claim "No Offense!" when she flips out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A gay or effeminate man, or a young man regarded as an object of homosexual desire, usually a “bottom”.
“omg look at Noah Miller he is totally a twink!”

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=twink

But it's not derisive!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

Eh it's one of those grey terms. My brother described himself as a twink when he was a teen. But he also had friends who were offended by being called one. I think people can use it to ridicule someone.

It definitely can be used as an insult. It can be used to demean. It's like calling someone a wimp. You're implying they are weak and powerless.

It’s extremely context dependent whether the term is insulting, but it’s rarely used as a synonym for wimp.

And if it were, being called a wimp is not actionable. And if he complains about it, he pretty much proved the point . . .

Ignore this person. It is basement bro.

[Anonymous]

I feel like the female equivalent would be jailbait.