DH Was Called a 'Twink'

[Anonymous]

I’d love to be described as a twink!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

And then he can see how well he fares for future advancements opportunities as a straight white man having filled a harassment claim against a company composed primarily of minorities

Wow. Some reverse racism you're got going on there.

Twink is just as offensive as other terms aimed at women and non-whites. It's not appropriate for someone else to call you that. Only you can call yourself that. BIG difference.

Not saying that it is okay or appropriate, just that he’s likely daydreaming if he thinks he’s going to come out ahead in any way by pursuing a grievance.

[Anonymous]

Based on the trainings I’ve had to take, this would be reportable to HR as creating a hostile working environment. There’s nothing there for a legal claim yet. Whether or not I would personally report would depend on internal politics - basically who does HR and management like more.

[Anonymous]

I’m not white but I’d probably be uncomfortable working in such a “diverse” workplace. Just tell the gay guy to not say that.

[Anonymous]

Wow, what is this, the 1980s? Haven't heard that one in a while. Yes, this is sexual harassment. It is grounds for a lawsuit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

And then he can see how well he fares for future advancements opportunities as a straight white man having filled a harassment claim against a company composed primarily of minorities

Wow. Some reverse racism you're got going on there.

Twink is just as offensive as other terms aimed at women and non-whites. It's not appropriate for someone else to call you that. Only you can call yourself that. BIG difference.

Not saying that it is okay or appropriate, just that he’s likely daydreaming if he thinks he’s going to come out ahead in any way by pursuing a grievance.

Not everything is about coming out ahead! It's about dignity and self-respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what is this, the 1980s? Haven't heard that one in a while. Yes, this is sexual harassment. It is grounds for a lawsuit.

You are insane.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who self identify as that proudly, so I didn't think it was derogatory, but obviously not workplace appropriate to call someone else that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on the trainings I’ve had to take, this would be reportable to HR as creating a hostile working environment. There’s nothing there for a legal claim yet. Whether or not I would personally report would depend on internal politics - basically who does HR and management like more.

This - it's a hostile work environment. There should not be any name calling by a manager toward a member of the staff, especially using a term is that is arguably derisive in both a gendered context and in a sexualized context.

Here's what will happen:
-DH files a complaint with HR
-HR contacts DH to verify the fact pattern and ask if there were other witnesses
-HR collects information from other witnesses
-HR confronts the person who used the term and instructs them to never do that again. They may also be required to take a supplemental training on workplace harassment and hostile work environment.
-This person will likely only interact with your DH in the context of work. There will never be a potential for friendship with this person again. That may have knock-on effects if he's friendly with other colleagues or socializes with outside the office.

They will likely not receive any other disciplinary procedures. UNLESS this was a pattern of other incidents.

And that's the thing - this person may already have a record with HR. Another minor incident like this may be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what is this, the 1980s? Haven't heard that one in a while. Yes, this is sexual harassment. It is grounds for a lawsuit.

You are insane.

Would you call a woman at work sweet tits? No, because this is the same kind of thing but for gay men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who self identify as that proudly, so I didn't think it was derogatory, but obviously not workplace appropriate to call someone else that.

+1 OP, it's not derogatory in any way, it's descriptive, but boss shouldn't be talking like that at work.
PPs who think it means wimp are only b/c you all are homophobic in making that connection on your own.

[Anonymous]

On the surface, this definitely seems like harassment. For those of you saying this is in some way complementary, I would have you consider this under a different lens. If it was a man who said to a woman You are hot. You have a great body. You look sexy. Whatever. That would absolutely be harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

What in the hell. Tell him to man up and ignore the idiots. Not everything requires a pay out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

What in the hell. Tell him to man up and ignore the idiots. Not everything requires a pay out.

Hmmm, is that would you tell women and minorities if someone called them inappropriate things at work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the surface, this definitely seems like harassment. For those of you saying this is in some way complementary, I would have you consider this under a different lens. If it was a man who said to a woman You are hot. You have a great body. You look sexy. Whatever. That would absolutely be harassment.

I don’t think anyone serious is saying it’s complimentary, just that it’s not a term of derision. That doesn’t mean it isn’t still inappropriate.