DH Was Called a 'Twink'

[Anonymous]

My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

Only if it prevented his advancement or ability to do his job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

[Anonymous]

Yes. He can report this if he wants to and then they can take the appropriate action with this person. Since this was a one time thing, what will likely happen will be the other person will get a "don't do that again" and maybe there will be a mass email reminding people what constitutes sexual harassment/inappropriate comments in the workplace or maybe an office wide meeting.

If it keeps happening, that's where more things can come of it.

[Anonymous]

He should let this person know that he did not appreciate the name-calling and would like to request that it never happene again.

Sexual harassment generally requires a sustained and pervasive situation that affects a person‘s work in someway. This sounds like a jerk who needs to be corrected immediately.

If the behavior continues, your husband should approach HR and tell them about the documented instances and request the intervene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.


Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

Ha, good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

Eh it's one of those grey terms. My brother described himself as a twink when he was a teen. But he also had friends who were offended by being called one. I think people can use it to ridicule someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

Just curious, in your fantasy, how do you see this playing out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

Only if it prevented his advancement or ability to do his job.

SOOO not true.

I think your DH should document it with the HR, but just know that if this is one and only incident they might not do anything. However, if it continues or if others complain, they'll likely act.

[Anonymous]

I think that even one instance of name-calling constitutes harassment.

At least, that's what HR is taught when it comes to minorities. There's no reason it shouldn't apply to the term that was used for your husband.

He should report it immediately to HR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

Eh it's one of those grey terms. My brother described himself as a twink when he was a teen. But he also had friends who were offended by being called one. I think people can use it to ridicule someone.

It definitely can be used as an insult. It can be used to demean. It's like calling someone a wimp. You're implying they are weak and powerless.

[Anonymous]

Id consult an employment attorney.

His workplace sounds horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

And then he can see how well he fares for future advancements opportunities as a straight white man having filled a harassment claim against a company composed primarily of minorities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

And then he can see how well he fares for future advancements opportunities as a straight white man having filled a harassment claim against a company composed primarily of minorities

Wow. Some reverse racism you're got going on there.

Twink is just as offensive as other terms aimed at women and non-whites. It's not appropriate for someone else to call you that. Only you can call yourself that. BIG difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.

Does he have a sexual harassment claim?

I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.

Eh it's one of those grey terms. My brother described himself as a twink when he was a teen. But he also had friends who were offended by being called one. I think people can use it to ridicule someone.

It definitely can be used as an insult. It can be used to demean. It's like calling someone a wimp. You're implying they are weak and powerless.

It’s extremely context dependent whether the term is insulting, but it’s rarely used as a synonym for wimp.