Are sleepovers really not a thing anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is only 2 YO so this isn’t an issue we’ve encountered yet, but I’m surprised to hear how common strict no sleepover policies are these days! I had sleepovers multiple times a month throughout my childhood in the 90s-2000s! Like one of the PPs posted, so many of my best times with friends were at sleepovers! I understand the safety concerns, etc, but it’s strange to think that my DD may not have the same experience that I did.

How do travel sports work these days? Does each child have their own parent travel to every single game? (When I was a kid, parents took turns chaperoning trips. So one mom would stay with three girls when we traveled somewhere that required an overnight stay.) And I assume that kids are not inviting friends to join them on long weekends away or vacations anymore if people aren’t even doing regular sleepovers.

IME one or both parents usually travel, but especially as they’re hitting 15, a couple of kids may be with another family. From the beginning, a lot of the kids will end up piling into one or two rooms that adjoin parents (rooms are always a block).

We still have sleepovers about once a month. I had sleepovers most weekends growing up, and weekend trips or vacations often meant bringing along a friend. I think the change is a combination of people worrying about abuse, kids having more scheduled weekend activities, and parents being more directly engaged. Like our mothers did not play with us. We played with other kids and our moms made sure we were alive and fed, but outside of occasions they were not entertaining us. So sleepovers made sense.

[Anonymous]

They do. But at 8-9, they’re still young and some may have slept over at friends, but some haven’t. So it’s good you’re checking with parents, cause it’s very individual.

As pp suggested, you could do sleepover with option to be picked it at 10:30 or so. In any case, you’d need to have activities planned for a home party (because that’s what it is). But also be mentally prepared that of those who stay, some may get “scared”, or “miss my bed” or miss “sibling” or any such reason and may be picked up in middle of the night by a parent.

[Anonymous]

My (boy) kid had a few parties and has had a few individual or 2 kid sleepovers. At the parties, the kid who had a heavy sport the next day was picked up at 11. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter wants to have a sleepover with 5 friends for her birthday coming up (turning 9, friends are 8-9). I’ve already talked with the mom of her best friend and that mom said no to sleeping over. I’ll offer to do a sleep under I guess but are sleepovers really not a thing? I remember doing them much earlier growing up.

Should we scrap the sleepover plan and do something else?

Wtf is a sleep under?

"Sleep under" is when the kid can be picked up early if the parent doesn't want them to actually sleep over (ex: 9 or 10 pm). We've got multiple invitations that offer a sleep under option.

[Anonymous]

My DH will absolutely not allow our children to sleepover anywhere, including extended family’s homes. He was raised in extremely impoverished conditions and thinks it’s such a unnecessary risk to put on your children for very little payoff.

[Anonymous]

DD (8yo) says she is not ready but if/when she is I plan to only allow it with families whose values I know line up with ours, ie Limited screen time so the kids can interact and go to bed at a reasonable time, and limited junk food.

[Anonymous]

An invite gave us a "sleep under option" to pick up at 9 pm so we'll take it. We don't know the inviting kid's family at all, and while I imagine they're probably decent people--it's a good excuse to pick our kid up early and not have them crabby and out of sorts the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH will absolutely not allow our children to sleepover anywhere, including extended family’s homes. He was raised in extremely impoverished conditions and thinks it’s such an unnecessary risk to put on your children for very little payoff.

Genuine question, not trying to be snotty. What does DH’s impoverished background have to do with his stance on sleepovers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers are fine and fun. But, I can't believe ppl have such busy weeks that kids need to be picked up early or not... my childhood weekends were never this busy.

Same when I was a child and same now for my kid. He has soccer on Saturday mornings (in the fall). Other than that we don't have jam packed Saturdays and Sundays every weekend. He has sleepovers once a month maybe. Sometimes he's useless the next day but that's ok if we don't have plans.

I feel pretty lucky about my child's social life/activities and our family life balance. We're never over booked, and we have family nearby and friends we can see when we want. Child activities don't overwhelm our weekends. DS has friends and isn't lonely. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH will absolutely not allow our children to sleepover anywhere, including extended family’s homes. He was raised in extremely impoverished conditions and thinks it’s such an unnecessary risk to put on your children for very little payoff.

Genuine question, not trying to be snotty. What does DH’s impoverished background have to do with his stance on sleepovers?

His childhood was spent in a bad neighborhood with a lot of crime and absent parents. He went to sleepovers and was definitely exposed to things children should not be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH will absolutely not allow our children to sleepover anywhere, including extended family’s homes. He was raised in extremely impoverished conditions and thinks it’s such an unnecessary risk to put on your children for very little payoff.

Genuine question, not trying to be snotty. What does DH’s impoverished background have to do with his stance on sleepovers?

His childhood was spent in a bad neighborhood with a lot of crime and absent parents. He went to sleepovers and was definitely exposed to things children should not be.

Thanks for explaining. Sounds like he’s overcome a lot of obstacles.

[Anonymous]

In many social circles, sleepovers have gone the way of prank calls. It's something fun you did as a kid, but now you know better and technology changes have made everything very very different from when you were a kid.

[Anonymous]

Not on my watch.

[Anonymous]

I can count on one hand the number of times my kid has been invited to a sleepover, but he's just not interested, so has never gone to one. They were a staple of my childhood, so this is so different. He goes to sleepaway camp in the summer, and camps regularly with his scout troop, so he's had the experience of staying overnight with other kids for years now. But not sleepovers at friends' houses.

[Anonymous]

I didn't allow sleepovers for my DDs in ES, but started allowing them in MS. Two of my DDs can function pretty well the next day, but one I can only let sleepover on Fridays because she's a total wreck for two days.