Are sleepovers really not a thing anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter wants to have a sleepover with 5 friends for her birthday coming up (turning 9, friends are 8-9). I’ve already talked with the mom of her best friend and that mom said no to sleeping over. I’ll offer to do a sleep under I guess but are sleepovers really not a thing? I remember doing them much earlier growing up.

Should we scrap the sleepover plan and do something else?

Wtf is a sleep under?

NP. Sleep under your own blanket, i.e., go home in the evening without sleeping over. The two slumber parties my DD has been invited to had this option and a few of the parents picked their kids up early and the rest slept over.

My DD has a sleepover with her best friend about once per month. It is way less disruptive than a slumber party because they actually sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only one of my daughter's friends is allowed to sleepover and we only do it when the boys are away. She has lots of immigrant friends and their parents do not allow it.

When I was growing up I never had any sleepover, because mom think "Tienes que tener cuidado porque no puedes confiar en nadie." Meaning you can't trust anyone and even the best families have issues, it has nothing to do with you just the way we were raise. My daughter is 7 and I am open to sleepovers, if I can trust the families. Although she has a bedwetting issues It will be up to her if that is an issue that prevent her from sleep overs. When you watch the news about a sex assault happen at school or at someone house its always hard to trust someone.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 9 and has sleepovers with three other families. Those three friends are hilariously conservative, where the kids have eye masks and insist on sleep at 9:30pm. They turn down extra sugar and dessert. We probably host one of them per onto and notice no disruption to our normal schedules.

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old loves his sleepover bday parties. Outside of those, he is invited to maybe 2 a year with 1-2 other kids at each. Like other PPs, I really hate the day after and we only do the birthday one because he's a summer birthday so no activities the next day. I'm not aware of anyone else hosting sleepovers at least among the boys, although I hear it's common with the girls.

[Anonymous]

I loved them growing up- but things are just different now. My kids did them with one family we knew very well when they were younger, but we stopped sleepovers once middle school hit. Phones have complicated them. Parents are on phone, kids are on phones. I don’t know how is taking what pictures or videos of my child, or what they are looking at on the phones, how well technology is supervised at other houses. Plus if you have a daughter especially, once middle school hits, there becomes a lot more girls declaring being bisexual or gay.

[Anonymous]

I did a lot of sleep overs as a kid and looking back on a lot of the weirds stuff, I don't know what my naive parents were thinking. I don't let my kids sleep over at their friends' houses and I don't consider it missing a rite of passage. Times change, people are more aware of danger than the previous generation.

[Anonymous]

It’s still a thing, but your N=1 experience is likely due to (1) best friend still wets the bed occasionally and doesn’t want friends to find out, or (2) parents have a no-sleepover policy in general (to prevent any possibility of abuse).

[Anonymous]

My kids (8 and 10) have had a few, but it doesn't seem to be much of a thing. We've tried hosting a couple times, but there is just a lot to navigate in terms of kids' hang-ups. Maybe it was like this when I was a kid, but I don't remember it that way.

I think overall, kids just spend less time at other friends' houses, so sleeping there feels less comfortable. Seems like a lot more kids have social anxiety as well, maybe due to COVID.

[Anonymous]

I'll do a sleep under but with a sleepover I run the risk of serving my kid up on a plate. Not worth the risk when there's no benefit and only downsides. She still has her friends, is well-liked and social with everyone, helps her team win the next day because she had a good night's sleep etc.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Sleepovers are awful. I WISH it wasn't a thing. We only host (RARELY) and then only one kid at a time. The next day is hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 4 young adults. If I had it to do over again, I would not have suppprted the sleepover culture. “Almost” sleepovers are great on the other hand. Have the kids stay til 9pm, and then return at 9am for breakfast. This way everyone sleeps and activities scheduled that next day aren’t a bust.

Having a fun evening 4-9 or whatever is great. Returning for breakfast at 9 a.m. is beyond ridiculous. Don’t disrupt someone’s entire weekend like that.

Agreed. What a stupid idea. I have not heard of this before

[Anonymous]

Some of my best friend memories are sleepovers in middle school and high school. We had them all the time. There was no other time that a group of girls could get together in a room and completely focus on each other. Do nothing but talk, laugh, play games.

High school jr and sr year did involve boys occasionally.

My kids do sleepovers and have them too. The younger years were cousins. About 10 years old it was friends too. No issues. They are an American pastime.

[Anonymous]

We live in a diverse community not in DC and sleepovers do not seem to be common. My immigrant friends (especially those from Mexico and the Middle East) particularly do not participate in them. Definitely a change from how I grew up.

My kids are only on the edge of sleepover age, and we don’t have any strong feelings about them. My son’s best friend is the son of our best friends and he has slept at their house but mostly for logistical reasons (e.g shared babysitting situation when all the parents go out together). They’re basically neighbors and we see them frequently so it isn’t a classic sleepover situation.

[Anonymous]

Are you divorced? Are the dad? Are you a crappy parent that takes advantage of everyone else? That could be a reason no one wants to leave their kids at your house overnight. Also, I bet most of those kids still co -sleep with their parents. Prob still attached to the breast.

[Anonymous]

My DD is only 2 YO so this isn’t an issue we’ve encountered yet, but I’m surprised to hear how common strict no sleepover policies are these days! I had sleepovers multiple times a month throughout my childhood in the 90s-2000s! Like one of the PPs posted, so many of my best times with friends were at sleepovers! I understand the safety concerns, etc, but it’s strange to think that my DD may not have the same experience that I did.

How do travel sports work these days? Does each child have their own parent travel to every single game? (When I was a kid, parents took turns chaperoning trips. So one mom would stay with three girls when we traveled somewhere that required an overnight stay.) And I assume that kids are not inviting friends to join them on long weekends away or vacations anymore if people aren’t even doing regular sleepovers.