Do you include a check to the family with your condolence card at a funeral?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is cultural as well as socio-economic. I wouldn’t send money unless you knew for sure that you should. I have sent $ before.

+1 It's very specific to the culture and SES. I never heard of this growing up white UMC in the South.

I've given money to bereaved family members in DC if it's appropriate. These days there's usually a gofundme or other instructions if it's appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is cultural as well as socio-economic. I wouldn’t send money unless you knew for sure that you should. I have sent $ before.

We did this a few times, handed the card and mentioned some money and they put it somewhere and said thanks. That was for families that definitely needed it.

[Anonymous]

No. That is just weird.

[Anonymous]

No but I have made donations to relevant charities. When my friend's brother died of an overdose she told us about a family whose child died the same day of the same thing and they were too poor to afford a funeral (my friend's family was not) and so we all chipped in and paid for the funeral for that family in honor of her brother. Just sending a check seems odd to me, but I would never criticize someone for sending someone money because it's a kind gesture.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but only in la cosa nostra

[Anonymous]

It depends on the circumstances. If it's an unexpected death of a young person and I know paying for the funeral will be a hardship, I include money. My best friend's husband died suddenly in his 30s. She was a stay at home mom with 2 young children. She was incredibly grateful for the people who gave money with their cards.

[Anonymous]

No, I find that very offensive.

[Anonymous]

No. Feels like a breach of etiquette.

Far better to keep sending cards. Find out if the family needs anything to include financial assistance.

[Anonymous]

Clearly this is polarizing. I would about the recipient (not only their wealth but the culture they were raised in and age) and decide from there.
Raised upper middle class Midwestern but bu parents who grew up with working class, first gen European parents. When my grandparents died, random family friends etc. would drop in small amounts like $20s. To me — and my parents — those $20 bills are almost insignificant (funeral probably $25k which parents could easily pay for). But what I remember is my mom being touched - oh, that was so nice of (random friend) to send something. To them it was the thought and connection to how her parents would do it.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Absolutely. Common in our culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly this is polarizing. I would about the recipient (not only their wealth but the culture they were raised in and age) and decide from there.
Raised upper middle class Midwestern but by parents who grew up with working class, first gen European parents. When my grandparents died, random family friends etc. would drop in small amounts like $20s. To me — and my parents — those $20 bills are almost insignificant (funeral probably $25k which parents could easily pay for). But what I remember is my mom being touched - oh, that was so nice of (random friend) to send something. To them it was the thought and connection to how her parents would do it.

This.

Depends on the culture, ettiquetes, rituals and rites around funerals. This is complicated and very nuanced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the circumstances. If it's an unexpected death of a young person and I know paying for the funeral will be a hardship, I include money. My best friend's husband died suddenly in his 30s. She was a stay at home mom with 2 young children. She was incredibly grateful for the people who gave money with their cards.

Thos. Young family and an unexpected death. You send money. Especially if the departed was the primary breadwinner. It takes time to process the paperwork and receive and insurance or employment funds, if they even have benefits. Straight cash helps the grieving family through the early days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As usual, the rich aholes turn out in force, insulting people for potentially not being born to rich parents.

Because it’s just not done in civilized society. Sorry you’re a heathen.

You seem confused (and rude)

A heathen is a person who does not belong to a widely held religion (especially one who is not a Christian, Jew, or Muslim) as regarded by those who do.

The practice of including cash or checks is very common in many subcultures. It can be to help with final expenses and/or to help surviving family members who will be economically burdened along with their loss.

There are a lot of Tom Wambsgans on this board.

[Anonymous]

I think it's generational. This was common when I was growing up. People would often put money in a card at funerals. My dad died a couple years ago and we did get a few checks from people, all of whom were 80+ years old.

FWIW I grew up in the Midwest, Catholic European, middle class.

[Anonymous]

No! I’ve never heard of this. I also find this insulting.