Do you include a check to the family with your condolence card at a funeral?

[Anonymous]

I think my parents used to do this, to help defray funeral expenses, sort of like at a wedding. I have done this too ($100 to $200 depending on relationship) but my husband had never heard of it. The obituary notes two charities to donate to -- should I do that instead? The person who died was a cousin of mine in his late fifties with three kids, about college aged. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

no, I think its very weird to send a check with a condolence card!

[Anonymous]

No, unless you’re from an Asian culture or something, you don’t give money at a funeral!

[Anonymous]

I never have. I just send a card.

[Anonymous]

We had a recent thread on this. It was very exciting

[Anonymous]

Definitely not. I’ve only heard of this when the family is poor. It’s appropriate to send a card of condolences and a charity donation if you’d like in the deceased’s memory.

[Anonymous]

What!? Omg no.

[Anonymous]

Sorry about your loss. Go on a shopping spree? How crass.

[Anonymous]

Super weird to send a check with a condolence card. Donate to a charity in their memory or to their house of worship.

[Anonymous]

Also, if they are that hard up, they'll start a GoFundMe. Donate to that. A check is tacky.

[Anonymous]

What they need now is some peace of mind -- cook or send a meal for them, get their house cleaned, etc. This also helps them save some money.

If they need money long term, you can give gifts like high school graduation checks to the kids.

[Anonymous]

As usual, the rich aholes turn out in force, insulting people for potentially not being born to rich parents.

[Anonymous]

It’s a cultural thing. There are cultures that do this, but many do not. If you are uncertain, do not do it.

[Anonymous]

No, I've never heard of that. Send food, gifts, a check to a charity they've selected, contribute to their GFM. But no, don't include a check in a card!

[Anonymous]

It honestly depends on the culture of the family and the community. In the culture that the majority of people I work with (in DC), giving cash to someone whose relative died is not expected but very typical. And by culture I am talking about race, ethnicity and SES. I am personally from a different culture than those with whom I work, but it is very common in my culture as well (White, lower SES, Eastern European from western PA).