Do you include a check to the family with your condolence card at a funeral?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It honestly depends on the culture of the family and the community. In the culture that the majority of people I work with (in DC), giving cash to someone whose relative died is not expected but very typical. And by culture I am talking about race, ethnicity and SES. I am personally from a different culture than those with whom I work, but it is very common in my culture as well (White, lower SES, Eastern European from western PA).

This was not common or even heard of in white, lower SES in Alabama and Georgia, where all of my family is from.

That's so southern. I'm the Appalachian poster and we all know people are poor as f, we don't need to gossip about it and pretend it's a secret.

[Anonymous]

I am an Irish Catholic and have never given a check nor received a check for either of my parent’s death. We do flowers, mass card or donation specific to the deceased.

[Anonymous]

I am from Western Europe, have family with different backgrounds including very low SES and giving money with the condolence card would be considered very offensive. people can donate to charity, bring flowers, food. if you know the family well and know they need help you can privately ask how you can help and so on, but the random $100 bill in the condolence card would be really bad.

[Anonymous]

No. I have never heard of this. The only thing I have seen is sending flowers or making a donation to a charity in the person's name.

[Anonymous]

White and from the South. This would be bizarre.

[Anonymous]

No. That's what Go Fund Me is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my parents used to do this, to help defray funeral expenses, sort of like at a wedding. I have done this too ($100 to $200 depending on relationship) but my husband had never heard of it. The obituary notes two charities to donate to -- should I do that instead? The person who died was a cousin of mine in his late fifties with three kids, about college aged. Thank you!

We are Muslims, family and community often pays for the funeral through mosque services. People send food for weeks and if needed set up a fund if deceased loses a breadwinner and family needs help.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend ask for money when his dad died. We’re from the same culture but his family were serious fiscal f-ups.

[Anonymous]

No. In my religion that is completely unheard of and would be at best crass and at worst an insult to imply they can't afford it, and everyone in my family prepays their funeral plot, headstone, etc. ahead of time anyway. Everyone's done that for like four or five generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As usual, the rich aholes turn out in force, insulting people for potentially not being born to rich parents.

My family isn't rich - far from it. But we go without to take care of our own necessities.

[Anonymous]

Goodness no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It honestly depends on the culture of the family and the community. In the culture that the majority of people I work with (in DC), giving cash to someone whose relative died is not expected but very typical. And by culture I am talking about race, ethnicity and SES. I am personally from a different culture than those with whom I work, but it is very common in my culture as well (White, lower SES, Eastern European from western PA).

+1. Sometimes it will state in the funeral home's obit write-up that donations can be made to it to help defray funeral costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It honestly depends on the culture of the family and the community. In the culture that the majority of people I work with (in DC), giving cash to someone whose relative died is not expected but very typical. And by culture I am talking about race, ethnicity and SES. I am personally from a different culture than those with whom I work, but it is very common in my culture as well (White, lower SES, Eastern European from western PA).

This was not common or even heard of in white, lower SES in Alabama and Georgia, where all of my family is from.

That's so southern. I'm the Appalachian poster and we all know people are poor as f, we don't need to gossip about it and pretend it's a secret.

We bring food not checks. It’s nothing about being a secret. No one down there had anything.

[Anonymous]

“Here, buy yourself a 12-pack of the good stuff to take the edge off your pain.”

[Anonymous]

This is cultural as well as socio-economic. I wouldn’t send money unless you knew for sure that you should. I have sent $ before.