MIL took a selfie at a funeral

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what I expected when I opened a MIL complaint thread, but it wasn't that. You win. That's really awful.
Did anyone respond?

OP here. No one responded. I know OPs brothers and spouses feel similar about MIL, so I think their approach when she does something like this is to ignore her.

This is what my husband does too and it drives me insane.

NP and to OP, I send my sincere condolences on the loss of your grandmother AND for your MIL’s deeply inappropriate text.

Please please please do as PP suggested and text back, “Wow.” (And I’d suggest adding, “I’m truly at a loss for words.”

This just compounds your grief.

I’m willingly to best that for a lifetime, MIL’s egregious behavior has gone unchecked and unchallenged. It’s only going to get worse. Ask me how, exactly, I know all of this.

I could be your long-suffering, longer married SIL. Know that I’m with you in the struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:im confused what part of the text was "terrible"?

The “glad I’m not dead like your grandma” part

Really, the joking about not being the dead one at the funeral.

[Anonymous]

I’d reply to the group text:

Wow. There will be a lot of people celebrating at your funeral as well, but none of us would be tacky enough to send a group text about it.

[Anonymous]

That’s just gross, OP. I know there are varying opinions of photos (in general) at funerals and I do understand that sometimes it is the first time in a long time that folks have seen each other. But these people are married to each other. There was no reason to take a photo right then — and the accompanying text is horrific.

I vote for replying to the group “Wow. I’m glad you were able to enjoy yourself at my grandmother’s funeral,” and then remove yourself from the group chat.

MIL sucks and nothing is going to make her understand what she said was wrong, so there is no point engaging further.

I’m very sorry for your loss, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what I expected when I opened a MIL complaint thread, but it wasn't that. You win. That's really awful.
Did anyone respond?

OP here. No one responded. I know OPs brothers and spouses feel similar about MIL, so I think their approach when she does something like this is to ignore her.

This is what my husband does too and it drives me insane.

They are ignoring her because when you stick up to people like this or say something it will cause endless drama and your MIL will act like the victim and in the end never take any responsibility. It's exhausting and a total waste of time interacting with a person like this which is why people then put boundaries on interacting with them. Your best option is to either ignore OR don't be on a group text with her and don't invite her to important events. When you let people like this into your life they do crap like this and there isn't a lot of recourse that is satisfying in the end.

I know you’re right. I just think my MIL has gone so un-checked her whole adult life she is a wild force of insane behavior. Like always talking about how beautiful she is and how others don’t have the same genetic fortune. How her sons are so incredible because of her stellar parenting and how others failed. It is batshit, and everyone just says mmmm and looks away and I am dying to be like WTF is WRONG with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d reply to the group text:

Wow. There will be a lot of people celebrating at your funeral as well, but none of us would be tacky enough to send a group text about it.

Lol! Don’t send this, but it is funny!

[Anonymous]

If you’re going to respond, I’d do something you can’t be faulted for that would also raise awareness of her inappropriateness like:
Yes, I am so glad you were able to come and support me in mourning and celebrating my grandmother. I am very sad about her passing. You were able to capture a great photo at her service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what I expected when I opened a MIL complaint thread, but it wasn't that. You win. That's really awful.
Did anyone respond?

OP here. No one responded. I know OPs brothers and spouses feel similar about MIL, so I think their approach when she does something like this is to ignore her.

This is what my husband does too and it drives me insane.

They are ignoring her because when you stick up to people like this or say something it will cause endless drama and your MIL will act like the victim and in the end never take any responsibility. It's exhausting and a total waste of time interacting with a person like this which is why people then put boundaries on interacting with them. Your best option is to either ignore OR don't be on a group text with her and don't invite her to important events. When you let people like this into your life they do crap like this and there isn't a lot of recourse that is satisfying in the end.

This. Unfortunately the best time to react to a person/situation like this is in the moment, giving her a quick smack / reply to the text (“wow, Gladys, I guess that’s one way to describe the service yesterday. Glad you enjoyed yourself”). The more that time goes by, the more awkward it gets. Agree with others that this is one of the most tasteless MIL stories I’ve seen on here! I’m so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like something my MIL would do. In fact, mine has said several inappropriate and offensive things over the years, but not relating to a funeral.

I’d reply with “wow” or “really.” That’s it. And if she responds with “what? It’s a good picture!” Or something equally tactless, don’t even bother replying further. At that point I might consider removing myself from the group without saying anything further.

[Anonymous]

If none of her kids said anything to her I would, in the group text. "Damn Joyce, that's really insensitive."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the caption that did it. That's horrible insensitive.

Agreed. It’s not the picture or the event. It’s the caption.

[Anonymous]

Edit the picture to put devil horns and a tail on MIL and send it back.

[Anonymous]

Just reply, "Thank you for coming to my grandmother's funeral. She was very special to me and I miss her every day."

[Anonymous]

Without the caption it would be fine. Without anyone on the text who would recognize the circumstances it would be fine.

As she did it? Awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without the caption it would be fine. Without anyone on the text who would recognize the circumstances it would be fine.

As she did it? Awful.

Actually in my circles, even the picture would be wildly inappropriate.