Wife’s routine spending - what is normal?

[Anonymous]

Adding that there is an element here that she was making 200k prior to having kids and is giving that up, she may also feel that she is being downgraded or embarrassed when running into former colleagues if she doesn't look as maintained as she used to. I only made 90k so the bar was lower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take all of this with a grain of salt as we are DINKS. We have just started tracking very carefully, HHI of 280.
What your wife has here is a representative of what I cut back to after thinking that it was too much going out the door.

Yeah about the same here - we're DINKs with a HHI of about $270 and I would say my (wife) spending is about in line with your wife's. Little differences here and there - I don't get massages and don't belong to a gym; I spend a bit more on clothes. But about the same.

But, we don't have kids. On the other hand, our income is probably as high as it's ever going to be so we're not looking at doubling things in a few years when one of us leans back in.

Just to say: def doesn't seem like the most budget conscious spending you could fathom. Does not seem crazily out of control, either.

How is your wife feeling about trying to cut back?

However this goes, I would suggest not saying to her that you think she is spending too much because look how little you spend on nails, skin, or hair, or anything like that. Women - many women, anyway - care more about our appearances than men do. And our stuff just costs more. AND aging hits us differently, looks-wise. If my husband, who washes his face with shampoo, gave me a hard time about my skincare products we'd have one roiling argument that I don't think anyone would enjoy. Anyway, that's just a little marital tip there.

Your second to last sentence made me laugh out loud. It reminds me of my parents dynamic lol

[Anonymous]

These seems more than reasonable and normal. Her eating out seems very low if she is only going to coffee.

I’m a sahm and basically multiply everything by 10. Dh earns 2-3m though.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a PP that the two of you obviously have different financial priorities and probably different love languages. What does she appreciate as a gesture of love? It looks like she might appreciate gifts and you probably view them as wasteful, so she gifts them herself. Also, if she chose to give up a career even temporarily, to raise your child, I would give her some grace. While enjoyable, staying at home is drudgery, particularly if your husband doesn’t view it as work, and especially in the first years postpartum while your body recovers. Also, her career path will take a hit so you can consider this compensation. Are you willing to stay at home while she works? Are you aware of the costs that you would incur if she were still working - and additionally would you be willing to stay home when the baby is sick (which is constant when starting daycare) or take time off for appointments? I would quietly and seriously consider whether you fully appreciate your partner. And also consider what attracted you to her in the first place - it sounds like you would be a better match with someone practical and low maintenance who doesn't indulge in self care or put a lot of stock in appearance, but you chose someone who presents themself with nice hair/nails/stylish clothing etc, which raises more questions about you than her.

What does she have to say about your spending? Maybe she would prefer you go to a decent barber instead of great clips or dress a bit more stylishly instead of baggy suits or sad Kohls khakis? There are many attractive women in this area with frumpy husbands. In general, most healthy couples allow each other autonomy in deciding spending priorities, but agree on a general financial goal; that tends to work better than micromanaging spending decisions. My husband spends next to nothing on clothes, but he golfs and likes to go out with his buddies and drop your wife’s monthly “takeout” budget on drinks. The two of you need to agree on a reasonable savings goal with the understanding that the two of you are in the leaner years of raising kids, whether it’s on one income or 5-6 figures for childcare and other related expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that HHI you need to have a serious talk about some of those items.

Our HHI is $600,500 and I don’t spend half of that on myself. Mostly because I work full time and have 3 kids. I never have time to do that sort of stuff for myself. No gym membership - outdoors is free. I run or walk and then have weights and peloton at home when needed.

Hair cuts - I thankfully don’t have to color my hair and it’s long and thick. So I get it cut every 4 months or so and it costs $60

Coffee - just make coffee at home and bring it in a cup

Hand bags and luxury items - if you are a SAHM when so you use these things? The only nice stuff I have is the jewelry my husband insists on getting me even when I tell him it’s not necessary

Aren’t Pelotons expensive AF? And don’t they have some sort of monthly subscription?

Pp - I think our peloton membership is like $30 a month. And both my husband and I use it. So split that in half if you are keeping track of how much we each spend per month. And we bought it 5 years ago.

[Anonymous]

This poster has done this before I’m pretty sure. The list and the post feel the same.

[Anonymous]

How the hell are you spending less than $100 a year on haircuts, OP? Do you cut your hair yourself? Do you lol unkempt most of the year? Are you a bad tipper? What’s the story? Even the local chain place in the strip mall charges $12 plus tip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that HHI you need to have a serious talk about some of those items.

Our HHI is $600,500 and I don’t spend half of that on myself. Mostly because I work full time and have 3 kids. I never have time to do that sort of stuff for myself. No gym membership - outdoors is free. I run or walk and then have weights and peloton at home when needed.

Hair cuts - I thankfully don’t have to color my hair and it’s long and thick. So I get it cut every 4 months or so and it costs $60

Coffee - just make coffee at home and bring it in a cup

Hand bags and luxury items - if you are a SAHM when so you use these things? The only nice stuff I have is the jewelry my husband insists on getting me even when I tell him it’s not necessary

Aren’t Pelotons expensive AF? And don’t they have some sort of monthly subscription?

Pp - I think our peloton membership is like $30 a month. And both my husband and I use it. So split that in half if you are keeping track of how much we each spend per month. And we bought it 5 years ago.

It's 44 now. I agree it's lower than a gym, but everything is just a little more than it used to be.

[Anonymous]

How much do you spend on takeout/coffee for yourself? I notice you conveniently left that pit. Also, so kind of you not to include the clothes she buys for your kids in “her” spending. The way it’s all written out is interesting and one-sided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much do you spend on takeout/coffee for yourself? I notice you conveniently left that pit. Also, so kind of you not to include the clothes she buys for your kids in “her” spending. The way it’s all written out is interesting and one-sided.

Yes, do you never get coffee/lunch/takeout just for yourself?

I'm a SAHM and I would not be able to parse out what I am buying while out for "myself" vs. what is for the kids. I grab a sandwich for them thru a drive thru and a coffee for myself-would you split that receipt in two and allocate 1.99 to me and 5.99 to the "family"? That is freaking weird, dude.

[Anonymous]

I am assuming the gym has good childcare? You would be paying for a private babysitter otherwise? My LT fitness membership cost $300 and was worth it. Cheapper then a babysitter. The $300-600 on clothing seems a little steep. I would try to get an exact budget for clothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming the gym has good childcare? You would be paying for a private babysitter otherwise? My LT fitness membership cost $300 and was worth it. Cheapper then a babysitter. The $300-600 on clothing seems a little steep. I would try to get an exact budget for clothing.

Every couple of months? Not at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that HHI you need to have a serious talk about some of those items.

Our HHI is $600,500 and I don’t spend half of that on myself. Mostly because I work full time and have 3 kids. I never have time to do that sort of stuff for myself. No gym membership - outdoors is free. I run or walk and then have weights and peloton at home when needed.

Hair cuts - I thankfully don’t have to color my hair and it’s long and thick. So I get it cut every 4 months or so and it costs $60

Coffee - just make coffee at home and bring it in a cup

Hand bags and luxury items - if you are a SAHM when so you use these things? The only nice stuff I have is the jewelry my husband insists on getting me even when I tell him it’s not necessary

Aren’t Pelotons expensive AF? And don’t they have some sort of monthly subscription?

Pp - I think our peloton membership is like $30 a month. And both my husband and I use it. So split that in half if you are keeping track of how much we each spend per month. And we bought it 5 years ago.

How much did it cost 5 years ago?

I don’t actively give a $h!t, BTW. Just find it obnoxious when people pretend their expensive home gym equipment was free. (Also, if you’re really being honest, you spent more on a bigger house than you need. We know this because it’s big enough to accommodate an exercise bike. Let’s break down that monthly cost as well, right?)

[Anonymous]

SAHM here. My husband and I used to fight about this until DH started depositing $500 into a separate account every month. Gym with childcare wasn't part of the deal. If I wanted to spend it on Orange Theory or Pilates or whatever fitness I like doing at that time I would use that money. It was this or taking time every month to go over charges. Most of the time he's like reformer pilates classes are how much? Wait what are highlights and why do they cost so much? Blah blah blah. Now I basically answer to nothing and life is good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am assuming the gym has good childcare? You would be paying for a private babysitter otherwise? My LT fitness membership cost $300 and was worth it. Cheapper then a babysitter. The $300-600 on clothing seems a little steep. I would try to get an exact budget for clothing.

Every couple of months? Not at all.

It's quite a range.......