If you have an adult DD who doesn't dress up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

Do not do this, OP. This is exactly what my mom did when I was young. Guess what? I am now a well-dressed, professional woman who has a very strained relationship with her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

Do not do this, OP. This is exactly what my mom did when I was young. Guess what? I am now a well-dressed, professional woman who has a very strained relationship with her mother.

PP again. Forgot to add that I am happily married with two children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

This post is almost making me physically squirm. I do not want this service from my mom or any other woman, unless I specifically seek it out.

I'm sure you've forgotten how many times a trusted adult in your life made remarks that you found cringe at the time, but that you benefited from later. Knowledge that you are persuaded you found out all by yourself, because the squirming made you forget that originally it came from someone who cared about you.

That’s gaslighting! No thanks. My mom made constant comments about my appearance, and I am currently raising a daughter to whom I will never do that.

[Anonymous]

My mom did too. I love her but she drives me crazy. I wore ath leisure before it was a thing. Guess what I am married with children. I have great skin because I rarely wear makeup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

This post is almost making me physically squirm. I do not want this service from my mom or any other woman, unless I specifically seek it out.

I'm sure you've forgotten how many times a trusted adult in your life made remarks that you found cringe at the time, but that you benefited from later. Knowledge that you are persuaded you found out all by yourself, because the squirming made you forget that originally it came from someone who cared about you.

That’s gaslighting! No thanks. My mom made constant comments about my appearance, and I am currently raising a daughter to whom I will never do that.

+1 In fact, my mom still makes constant comments about everyone’s appearance and it makes me want to limit her time with my daughter, because I don’t want her having to hear all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old? Does she have a job? Where is the job?

I'd maybe discuss professional attire for someone entering the corporate world for the first time in their 20s. But if this person is over 30, I would say nothing.

This DD is 26, engaged, CPA and has friends. No other issues.

Then, no. She's doing fine.

I started speaking with my kids about this stuff during puberty. My kids dress well, but if at some point they change their style, it's a choice. Sounds like your daughter is making a choice.

She was able to get a job and a fiancé. She is doing fine. She does not need to dress to your standards.

[Anonymous]

Are you qualified to have this talk?

Post pics of what she wears, the occasion and what u would suggest and I’ll let u know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody dresses up these days unless they are face to face with clients.

Untrue. I dress up almost every day because I like to look nice. I do agree that most people clearly do not care about looking nice.

My thing is, I don't think I look nice when I dress up. Still ugly. So why bother wearing uncomfortable clothes that require other, expensive and uncomfortable clothes? I'll just be ugly in my comfortable yet respectable clothes.

+1. It seems like so much wasted energy and time. I don’t care what other people think of me. I’m employed with a husband and kids. It works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

This post is almost making me physically squirm. I do not want this service from my mom or any other woman, unless I specifically seek it out.

I'm sure you've forgotten how many times a trusted adult in your life made remarks that you found cringe at the time, but that you benefited from later. Knowledge that you are persuaded you found out all by yourself, because the squirming made you forget that originally it came from someone who cared about you.

Youre the family member that pinches someones stomach and tut tuts while shaking your head, arent you? None of that is helpful boomer! Leave the girls alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have an adult DD who considers basic bare minimum for looks as good enough, would you discuss it with them?

what are the basic bare minimums for looks?

No make up, no blow dry, no mani/pedi, no jewelry, no shapely clothes, basic sneakers.

that’s my norm. Never understood make up or blow drying. I do like the occasional pedicure.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations, you have raised an adult. Don’t offer unasked for advice unless it’s truly a life and death matter. Enjoy your adult child and don’t judge them, unless you want them to avoid you at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

Do not do this, OP. This is exactly what my mom did when I was young. Guess what? I am now a well-dressed, professional woman who has a very strained relationship with her mother.

You have a strained relationship with your mother because she offered once[i] to serve as your fashion assistant and she didn't nag if you ever looked uncomfortable, or shut down or said you were not interested? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, you have raised an adult. Don’t offer unasked for advice unless it’s truly a life and death matter. Enjoy your adult child and don’t judge them, unless you want them to avoid you at all costs.

What is the appropriate age to talk with kids about situation-appropriate clothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, you have raised an adult. Don’t offer unasked for advice unless it’s truly a life and death matter. Enjoy your adult child and don’t judge them, unless you want them to avoid you at all costs.

What is the appropriate age to talk with kids about situation-appropriate clothing?

While you’re bringing them up? I rarely needed to say much by middle school. They knew what was appropriate for their various activities and occasions. It happens pretty organically. This is a thread about an Adult child in the Adult children forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

Majored in vanity and minored in sorority? Or the other way around?