If you have an adult DD who doesn't dress up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, you have raised an adult. Don’t offer unasked for advice unless it’s truly a life and death matter. Enjoy your adult child and don’t judge them, unless you want them to avoid you at all costs.

What is the appropriate age to talk with kids about situation-appropriate clothing?

If they didn't learn this through osmosis during the 18 years living in your home, you failed. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, you have raised an adult. Don’t offer unasked for advice unless it’s truly a life and death matter. Enjoy your adult child and don’t judge them, unless you want them to avoid you at all costs.

What is the appropriate age to talk with kids about situation-appropriate clothing?

She's clearly wearing situation-appropriate clothing if she has a good job, friends and a future husband. Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

Do not do this, OP. This is exactly what my mom did when I was young. Guess what? I am now a well-dressed, professional woman who has a very strained relationship with her mother.

You have a strained relationship with your mother because she offered once[i] to serve as your fashion assistant and she didn't nag if you ever looked uncomfortable, or shut down or said you were not interested? I don't get it.

lol, nobody believes that you would shut that down after offering once. Your plan involving haircuts and head shapes and colors and patterns is way too detailed for us to think you can hold that in.

[Anonymous]

My mom has done this because her style is DIFFERENT than mine. Not better or worse, just different. Her comments don’t change a thing, but they do make it clear that she doesn’t like my style. It’s been going on for decades and seems unnecessary. Gifts are clothes I typically never wear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old? Does she have a job? Where is the job?

I'd maybe discuss professional attire for someone entering the corporate world for the first time in their 20s. But if this person is over 30, I would say nothing.

This DD is 26, engaged, CPA and has friends. No other issues.

No - she is doing well. If she was jobless, friendless, etc then a discussion might be appropriate, but she doesn't need help.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

Do not do this, OP. This is exactly what my mom did when I was young. Guess what? I am now a well-dressed, professional woman who has a very strained relationship with her mother.

You have a strained relationship with your mother because she offered once[i] to serve as your fashion assistant and she didn't nag if you ever looked uncomfortable, or shut down or said you were not interested? I don't get it.

I’d laugh if a much older woman said this. Clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have an adult DD who considers basic bare minimum for looks as good enough, would you discuss it with them?

what are the basic bare minimums for looks?

No make up, no blow dry, no mani/pedi, no jewelry, no shapely clothes, basic sneakers.

What is wrong with any of that? Sounds like she saves a LOT of time and money on superficial shit that you waste a lot of time and energy on.

Maybe you're jealous that she is successful and has a partner and is comfortable with herself hasn't had to expend all the effort that you have wasted all your life focusing on how you look?

(I'm 53, married, successful, a mother, with friends, and I haven't worn makeup or jewelry since my wedding day. Haven't had a mani/pedi since then either, I'd imagine. I spend my time and money on my hobbies and travel and people I love. Aside from being clean and neat, I don't give two effs what anyone thinks of my appearance. Who has time for that? Life is short!)

[Anonymous]

NP and curious. Why do you want to discuss this now that she is an adult? Did this not come up in the first 18 years? My daughter is 10 and I have this issue so would appreciate your feedback

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old? Does she have a job? Where is the job?

I'd maybe discuss professional attire for someone entering the corporate world for the first time in their 20s. But if this person is over 30, I would say nothing.

This DD is 26, engaged, CPA and has friends. No other issues.

Sounds like a you problem, OP.

Hot tip: your daughter was not raised on a desert island and already knows all the things you would say, and already knows all the critical things you think about her. She is probably also already weighing the pros and cons of her relationship with you. If I were you, I'd work harder on myself and loving her for who she is.

[Anonymous]

I can remember my dad telling me he thought I should wear a dress or skirt on a date. He meant well, he just had no idea.

I have occasionally asked my college-aged kids if they have the right clothes for job interviews, and I'll ask them what the career center has said about how to dress, but I don't offer my opinion (just my credit card!) because times have changed and I, like my dad 40 years ago, have no idea.

[Anonymous]

I guess with all information available on internet, its just a matter of priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have an adult DD who considers basic bare minimum for looks as good enough, would you discuss it with them?

No. It is good enough. Looks do not make a person, especially your daughter, more valuable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a detailed explanation about how appearances matter both professionally, romantically and even for friendships; I would point out all her lovely features that deserve to be brought out, hairstyles that might flatter her head shape, and cuts and style of clothes that go best with her figure; and I would also discuss colors and patterns that suit her coloring and size.

Essentially I would act as her fashion assistant. Only once, if she shuts me down and says she's not interested, of course. I wouldn't want to be a nag and make her uncomfortable. But it's a service one woman can do for another.

Would you do that for your son too?

My mother still does that to me(youngest son)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations, you have raised an adult. Don’t offer unasked for advice unless it’s truly a life and death matter. Enjoy your adult child and don’t judge them, unless you want them to avoid you at all costs.

What is the appropriate age to talk with kids about situation-appropriate clothing?

Birth. Dress your kids appropriately for their age and the occasion.

OP - what are you hoping to gain by talking to your DD? She has friends, a job, and a companion. What is it that you think will happen if she isn’t so “basic”?