Dealing with judgemental old women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would just ignore them, OP. You'll have to grow a thicker skin to continue on your parent journey. Mothers, more than fathers, are continually judged and sometimes no matter what you do, you feel like you can't win! So talk yourself into believing you're a GREAT MOTHER. Because there will be times when the entire world, including your child, thinks you're not. Believe me, I'm the parent of teens

I'm terrified of the teenage years! Thank you!

Np. Don't be. Teens are people too!

[Anonymous]

I’m an old lady (51) telling you to let your kid keep it as long as she wants. If you take it, she will just stick something worse in her mouth (fingers, Pennie’s, etc.). This was super rude of these ladies. I would say something like “please do not address my child directly.” And if I was really irritated “I hope you are proud that you have made a little child cry.” I would then probably buy my kid a candy bar because I felt bad for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, all of these responses, this why there is no village and why every woman is on her own.

OP, a paci at 3 for bed is really bad for the teeth and mouth. She needs to be weaned from it. Starting now.

OP is obviously already aware the pacifier isn't great or she wouldn't be reluctant to use it in public. She is not actually in need of advice on pacifier usage.

No one needs a "village" of judgmental advice-givers who want to weigh in on your every parenting move. You can get that for free from your own family. The village is supposed to be about help and support not unsolicited advice and scaring 3 yr olds in grocery stores.

The village is for both. But since women today will not accept the latter, they do not receive the former. And then they complain about it (on other threads).

We get it. You’re hurt that young, relevant women reject you. Learn the difference between being actually supportive and being a pain in the arse, and try again, Linda.

I’m genuinely curious if you’ve got mommy issues or if you’re just terrified of aging because all your self-worth has to do with your youth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old daughter didn't sleep well last night, we had to do a grocery trip, and to help her relax I'd allowed the pacifier out of the car while we were shopping. She has it for bed and certain times of the day, and whilst I know she's a little older it's a huge comfort and not a huge issue for me.

Two older women together came up and spoke directly to my daughter whilst in the store and told her (clearly in my earshot) that she shouldn't have that in her mouth, that it's for babies and mommy should put it in the bin. Immediately tears started flowing from the challenge. We moved away but I didn't know what to say to them or my daughter.

I feel like an awful mom. I know I will need to remove it soon but it's her comfort and there's a slightly chaotic home life at the moment with house moving.

Whilst I hope this doesn't happen again, what should I do in these situations? How would you deal with it or have dealt with it if this happened?

When out in public there is no zone of privacy. Making a nasty comment only makes you look mean
A lot of people will give you parenting advice and learning to smile and say thank you and walking away is the best response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an old lady (51) telling you to let your kid keep it as long as she wants. If you take it, she will just stick something worse in her mouth (fingers, Pennie’s, etc.). This was super rude of these ladies. I would say something like “please do not address my child directly.” And if I was really irritated “I hope you are proud that you have made a little child cry.” I would then probably buy my kid a candy bar because I felt bad for them.

I’ll add to my post that I’m definitely guilty of walking to kids directly (which I know some people hate) because I really love little kids so much. But I confine myself to positive remarks like “What a pretty tutu!” Or “That’s an awesome rocket!” Spread joy, not misery. I’ll only correct a little kid if they are doing something unsafe like “dont jump from there!”

[Anonymous]

“IT’S OK, LARLA, THIS LADY IS CONFUSED. WE HOPE HER HANDLER FINDS HER SOON AND TAKES HER BACK WHERE SHE BELONGS. SHE THINKS SHE’S YOUR MAMA OR GRANDMA AND SHE’S NOT. HOPEFULLY SHE GETS THE HELP SHE NEEDS.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, all of these responses, this why there is no village and why every woman is on her own.

OP, a paci at 3 for bed is really bad for the teeth and mouth. She needs to be weaned from it. Starting now.

So talk to the mother, not the kid. For all they knew, the child could have special needs. Cruel to approach a child with that kind of criticism.

Sometimes a stranger speaking directly to a child is effective. I have been surprised at how receptive my children were to comments or admonishments from strangers. Sure, it doesn't always work. But it's not necessarily malicious - as you are saying it is.

My child has been the recipient of this type of remark. She has special needs but it is not obvious to a self-righteous scold who could care less about the why of a situation. It would lead to a meltdown. MYOB when it comes to a child which is not in mortal danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old daughter didn't sleep well last night, we had to do a grocery trip, and to help her relax I'd allowed the pacifier out of the car while we were shopping. She has it for bed and certain times of the day, and whilst I know she's a little older it's a huge comfort and not a huge issue for me.

Two older women together came up and spoke directly to my daughter whilst in the store and told her (clearly in my earshot) that she shouldn't have that in her mouth, that it's for babies and mommy should put it in the bin. Immediately tears started flowing from the challenge. We moved away but I didn't know what to say to them or my daughter.

I feel like an awful mom. I know I will need to remove it soon but it's her comfort and there's a slightly chaotic home life at the moment with house moving.

Whilst I hope this doesn't happen again, what should I do in these situations? How would you deal with it or have dealt with it if this happened?

When out in public there is no zone of privacy. Making a nasty comment only makes you look mean
A lot of people will give you parenting advice and learning to smile and say thank you and walking away is the best response.

That just encourages them. “Mind your own business” is the appropriate response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old daughter didn't sleep well last night, we had to do a grocery trip, and to help her relax I'd allowed the pacifier out of the car while we were shopping. She has it for bed and certain times of the day, and whilst I know she's a little older it's a huge comfort and not a huge issue for me.

Two older women together came up and spoke directly to my daughter whilst in the store and told her (clearly in my earshot) that she shouldn't have that in her mouth, that it's for babies and mommy should put it in the bin. Immediately tears started flowing from the challenge. We moved away but I didn't know what to say to them or my daughter.

I feel like an awful mom. I know I will need to remove it soon but it's her comfort and there's a slightly chaotic home life at the moment with house moving.

Whilst I hope this doesn't happen again, what should I do in these situations? How would you deal with it or have dealt with it if this happened?

When out in public there is no zone of privacy. Making a nasty comment only makes you look mean
A lot of people will give you parenting advice and learning to smile and say thank you and walking away is the best response.

Don’t try to convince women to smile and take crap no man would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old daughter didn't sleep well last night, we had to do a grocery trip, and to help her relax I'd allowed the pacifier out of the car while we were shopping. She has it for bed and certain times of the day, and whilst I know she's a little older it's a huge comfort and not a huge issue for me.

Two older women together came up and spoke directly to my daughter whilst in the store and told her (clearly in my earshot) that she shouldn't have that in her mouth, that it's for babies and mommy should put it in the bin. Immediately tears started flowing from the challenge. We moved away but I didn't know what to say to them or my daughter.

I feel like an awful mom. I know I will need to remove it soon but it's her comfort and there's a slightly chaotic home life at the moment with house moving.

Whilst I hope this doesn't happen again, what should I do in these situations? How would you deal with it or have dealt with it if this happened?

When out in public there is no zone of privacy. Making a nasty comment only makes you look mean
A lot of people will give you parenting advice and learning to smile and say thank you and walking away is the best response.

That just encourages them. “Mind your own business” is the appropriate response.

+1. When I enforce this boundary to comments directed at my neurotypical children, I am protecting my neurodivergent niece by refusing to normalize this rude, intrusive, unnecessary behavior.

[Anonymous]

The ageism in this thread is astounding.

There are jerks of all ages - like several respondents on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an old lady (51) telling you to let your kid keep it as long as she wants. If you take it, she will just stick something worse in her mouth (fingers, Pennie’s, etc.). This was super rude of these ladies. I would say something like “please do not address my child directly.” And if I was really irritated “I hope you are proud that you have made a little child cry.” I would then probably buy my kid a candy bar because I felt bad for them.

Fellow old lady (56!) who feels the same way. You’re fine op, don’t let them get to you.

I remember being in Target with my toddler and someone attempting to helpfully point out that my kid was wearing his shoes on the wrong feet. Thing was my dad had died the day before and I was just getting some last minute things for our 6 hour drive to my childhood home for the funeral. I nearly broke down then and there. People who know nothing about a situation have no business sticking their nose in where it doesn’t belong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, all of these responses, this why there is no village and why every woman is on her own.

OP, a paci at 3 for bed is really bad for the teeth and mouth. She needs to be weaned from it. Starting now.

So talk to the mother, not the kid. For all they knew, the child could have special needs. Cruel to approach a child with that kind of criticism.

Sometimes a stranger speaking directly to a child is effective. I have been surprised at how receptive my children were to comments or admonishments from strangers. Sure, it doesn't always work. But it's not necessarily malicious - as you are saying it is.

My child has been the recipient of this type of remark. She has special needs but it is not obvious to a self-righteous scold who could care less about the why of a situation. It would lead to a meltdown. MYOB when it comes to a child which is not in mortal danger.

This. I will admit to stepping in when an older child is harming or about to harm a younger child and there is no parent in sight, but if no one is in danger I wouldn’t say a word. Sometimes kids are tall for their age and look older than they are, or have special needs that aren’t obvious. People are starting to think real life is the internet and that they are free to comment on anything and everything, and that’s just not how it works.

[Anonymous]

Op again -thanks for the comments as earlier posts have said I will look to go cold turkey one we are settled.

On reflection I should not have posted straight away. Sorry for the title, it could be anyone that is rude. I have had support from all ages with my daughter and parenting.

Thank you for all the kind comments

[Anonymous]

You need to help your DD (and yourself) find better coping mechanisms.