Dealing with judgemental old women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it odd that so many of you think it's inappropriate for these ladies to speak to a child like this but it is apparently appropriate for mothers to insult and denigrate old ladies. Interesting lesson for a 3 year old.

And yes I am an older woman, one who has never corrected someone else's child in public or actually even in private.

It is inappropriate for 2 adults to gang up on a very young child they don't know.

And adult to adult situation is entirely different.

Does being old mess up your logic? I'm older too and I'd like to know what to expect.

LOL, well said!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old daughter didn't sleep well last night, we had to do a grocery trip, and to help her relax I'd allowed the pacifier out of the car while we were shopping. She has it for bed and certain times of the day, and whilst I know she's a little older it's a huge comfort and not a huge issue for me.

Two older women together came up and spoke directly to my daughter whilst in the store and told her (clearly in my earshot) that she shouldn't have that in her mouth, that it's for babies and mommy should put it in the bin. Immediately tears started flowing from the challenge. We moved away but I didn't know what to say to them or my daughter.

I feel like an awful mom. I know I will need to remove it soon but it's her comfort and there's a slightly chaotic home life at the moment with house moving.

Whilst I hope this doesn't happen again, what should I do in these situations? How would you deal with it or have dealt with it if this happened?

Whilst? This person is a well known troll. She's been all over other "mom" sites. Who gets enjoyment out of doing this all day long?

[Anonymous]

I would directly say "Do not speak to my child" and walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, all of these responses, this why there is no village and why every woman is on her own.

OP, a paci at 3 for bed is really bad for the teeth and mouth. She needs to be weaned from it. Starting now.

OP is obviously already aware the pacifier isn't great or she wouldn't be reluctant to use it in public. She is not actually in need of advice on pacifier usage.

No one needs a "village" of judgmental advice-givers who want to weigh in on your every parenting move. You can get that for free from your own family. The village is supposed to be about help and support not unsolicited advice and scaring 3 yr olds in grocery stores.

The village is for both. But since women today will not accept the latter, they do not receive the former. And then they complain about it (on other threads).

Wait you’re saying if OP agreed with their advice, there was a chance these ladies would come babysit for date night? Okay.

[Anonymous]

I once had an old lady berate me for speaking my native language to my child because “this is America”. Looked her in the eye and told her to sod off in my native language with the intonation that left nothing g to guesswork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Research has shown that oral self comfort, whether by pacifier, finger or thumb sucking, is actually a good thing. It is normal. It is necessary. It begins in the womb. It helps reduce stress and tension and improves focus and concentration. It is a natural way to self-regulate.
https://developlearngrow.com/oral-sensory-activities/

It almost never has negative implications before age 4 (where dental issues may start in some). Dentists may disagree, but do you hope for braces (which most will need anyway) or a psychiatrist and anti-anxiety meds? Even adults use oral means of self soothing, but in more subtle ways.

Makes sense. My daughter who had her pacifier at all times until 4 years old was the calmest most chill baby. She was never irritable, never crying, she was satisfied just being with the group. She didn’t bring it to preschool but she never had any problems.

I bet this is true. My daughter is the most anxious, worst-sleeping child on earth. She rejected the pacifier at 2 months and never replaced it with another method of self soothing, so she is never soothed. I wish she still took a pacifier at 3!

[Anonymous]

Back in the day those ladies would have smacked the pacifier out of their 3 year olds mouth without a word and felt like they did the kid a big favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, all of these responses, this why there is no village and why every woman is on her own.

OP, a paci at 3 for bed is really bad for the teeth and mouth. She needs to be weaned from it. Starting now.

OP is obviously already aware the pacifier isn't great or she wouldn't be reluctant to use it in public. She is not actually in need of advice on pacifier usage.

No one needs a "village" of judgmental advice-givers who want to weigh in on your every parenting move. You can get that for free from your own family. The village is supposed to be about help and support not unsolicited advice and scaring 3 yr olds in grocery stores.

The village is for both. But since women today will not accept the latter, they do not receive the former. And then they complain about it (on other threads).

Unsolicited advice is criticism. Point blank. I have never been a village to a sick person and given them criticism about their life choices that made them sick nor criticized my friends/family when they had surgery or when their kid died in a motorcycle accident or from drug abuse.

So, no, a village for women raising children doesnt need that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Research has shown that oral self comfort, whether by pacifier, finger or thumb sucking, is actually a good thing. It is normal. It is necessary. It begins in the womb. It helps reduce stress and tension and improves focus and concentration. It is a natural way to self-regulate.
https://developlearngrow.com/oral-sensory-activities/

It almost never has negative implications before age 4 (where dental issues may start in some). Dentists may disagree, but do you hope for braces (which most will need anyway) or a psychiatrist and anti-anxiety meds? Even adults use oral means of self soothing, but in more subtle ways.

Makes sense. My daughter who had her pacifier at all times until 4 years old was the calmest most chill baby. She was never irritable, never crying, she was satisfied just being with the group. She didn’t bring it to preschool but she never had any problems.

I bet this is true. My daughter is the most anxious, worst-sleeping child on earth. She rejected the pacifier at 2 months and never replaced it with another method of self soothing, so she is never soothed. I wish she still took a pacifier at 3!

It's just so kid dependent. DD liked the pacifier but struggled with it for some reason -- it fell out constantly and then she'd instantly be upset and we weaned her off of it primarily because the only way to get it to work was to literally stand there holding it in her mouth and at that point why not just pick her up. She is a kind of anxious kid generally (which I don't think is related to the pacifier at all -- I think it's kind of how her mind works). But I know kids who never took a pacifier who are super chill and others who had them until late who are also chill.

It's just not relevant really. And the main argument against pacifiers is the dental thing but my kid stopped using a pacifier well before any teeth came in and her baby teeth were all totally street but her adult teeth are crooked.

I guess what I'm saying as a mom of an older kid is that a pacifier at 3 or 4 is really not a big deal and ultimately probably will have no bearing on your kid. Just -- who cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, all of these responses, this why there is no village and why every woman is on her own.

OP, a paci at 3 for bed is really bad for the teeth and mouth. She needs to be weaned from it. Starting now.

OP is obviously already aware the pacifier isn't great or she wouldn't be reluctant to use it in public. She is not actually in need of advice on pacifier usage.

No one needs a "village" of judgmental advice-givers who want to weigh in on your every parenting move. You can get that for free from your own family. The village is supposed to be about help and support not unsolicited advice and scaring 3 yr olds in grocery stores.

The village is for both. But since women today will not accept the latter, they do not receive the former. And then they complain about it (on other threads).

Unsolicited advice is criticism. Point blank. I have never been a village to a sick person and given them criticism about their life choices that made them sick nor criticized my friends/family when they had surgery or when their kid died in a motorcycle accident or from drug abuse.

So, no, a village for women raising children doesnt need that either.

The bolded. People need to internalize this idea. Telling someone what you think they are doing wrong without their invitation is not a "village." It's a freaking peanut gallery and it doesn't actually help anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Research has shown that oral self comfort, whether by pacifier, finger or thumb sucking, is actually a good thing. It is normal. It is necessary. It begins in the womb. It helps reduce stress and tension and improves focus and concentration. It is a natural way to self-regulate.
https://developlearngrow.com/oral-sensory-activities/

It almost never has negative implications before age 4 (where dental issues may start in some). Dentists may disagree, but do you hope for braces (which most will need anyway) or a psychiatrist and anti-anxiety meds? Even adults use oral means of self soothing, but in more subtle ways.

Makes sense. My daughter who had her pacifier at all times until 4 years old was the calmest most chill baby. She was never irritable, never crying, she was satisfied just being with the group. She didn’t bring it to preschool but she never had any problems.

I bet this is true. My daughter is the most anxious, worst-sleeping child on earth. She rejected the pacifier at 2 months and never replaced it with another method of self soothing, so she is never soothed. I wish she still took a pacifier at 3!

It's just so kid dependent. DD liked the pacifier but struggled with it for some reason -- it fell out constantly and then she'd instantly be upset and we weaned her off of it primarily because the only way to get it to work was to literally stand there holding it in her mouth and at that point why not just pick her up. She is a kind of anxious kid generally (which I don't think is related to the pacifier at all -- I think it's kind of how her mind works). But I know kids who never took a pacifier who are super chill and others who had them until late who are also chill.

It's just not relevant really. And the main argument against pacifiers is the dental thing but my kid stopped using a pacifier well before any teeth came in and her baby teeth were all totally street but her adult teeth are crooked.

I guess what I'm saying as a mom of an older kid is that a pacifier at 3 or 4 is really not a big deal and ultimately probably will have no bearing on your kid. Just -- who cares.

I agree. Why pacifiers bother people is beyond me.

My youngest didn’t take to a pacifier, instead it was worse. She has a small “taggie” type piece of clothe. She used to shove that thing along with her finger in the right side of her mouth. Her upper teeth moved into a u-shape. It was scary looking. Her mouth was crooked. We took her to a specialist to see if it was a structural defect but it wasn’t. Thank goodness it took care of itself by first grade once she stopped the habit. She’s 12 now and has braces for crooked teeth like everyone else in my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it odd that so many of you think it's inappropriate for these ladies to speak to a child like this but it is apparently appropriate for mothers to insult and denigrate old ladies. Interesting lesson for a 3 year old.

And yes I am an older woman, one who has never corrected someone else's child in public or actually even in private.

It is inappropriate for 2 adults to gang up on a very young child they don't know.

And adult to adult situation is entirely different.

Does being old mess up your logic? I'm older too and I'd like to know what to expect.

Many have suggested the OP should have read these ladies the riot act, I'm just questioning the propriety of doing that in front of your 3 yr old and therefore teaching her a questionable lesson on how to treat others. No being old does not "mess up your logic" as if that makes any sense. It's always funny to insult others though isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, all of these responses, this why there is no village and why every woman is on her own.

OP, a paci at 3 for bed is really bad for the teeth and mouth. She needs to be weaned from it. Starting now.

OP is obviously already aware the pacifier isn't great or she wouldn't be reluctant to use it in public. She is not actually in need of advice on pacifier usage.

No one needs a "village" of judgmental advice-givers who want to weigh in on your every parenting move. You can get that for free from your own family. The village is supposed to be about help and support not unsolicited advice and scaring 3 yr olds in grocery stores.

The village is for both. But since women today will not accept the latter, they do not receive the former. And then they complain about it (on other threads).

Unsolicited advice is criticism. Point blank. I have never been a village to a sick person and given them criticism about their life choices that made them sick nor criticized my friends/family when they had surgery or when their kid died in a motorcycle accident or from drug abuse.

So, no, a village for women raising children doesnt need that either.

The bolded. People need to internalize this idea. Telling someone what you think they are doing wrong without their invitation is not a "village." It's a freaking peanut gallery and it doesn't actually help anyone.

Got it. I’ll never, ever point out the spinach in your teeth again. I thought I was being helpful, but I honestly did not consider how fragile your ego is. And I definitely won’t offer up diet advice to help your kid with a rare kidney disorder (for example) just because I’ve been through it myself. God forbid you think I’m criticizing you by pointing out that certain things are particularly bad for him, which you may not have been aware of. Better to let the kid suffer the health consequences to spare the adult’s feelings, even though a sane and secure person wouldn’t immediately jump to the conclusion that she’s being criticized.

See someone about to do something dangerous that they most likely don’t realize is dangerous? DON’T WARN THEM you judgmental cows! People today would apparently rather be severely injured or die than be told that maybe they’re doing something stupid or wrong…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it odd that so many of you think it's inappropriate for these ladies to speak to a child like this but it is apparently appropriate for mothers to insult and denigrate old ladies. Interesting lesson for a 3 year old.

And yes I am an older woman, one who has never corrected someone else's child in public or actually even in private.

It is inappropriate for 2 adults to gang up on a very young child they don't know.

And adult to adult situation is entirely different.

Does being old mess up your logic? I'm older too and I'd like to know what to expect.

Many have suggested the OP should have read these ladies the riot act, I'm just questioning the propriety of doing that in front of your 3 yr old and therefore teaching her a questionable lesson on how to treat others. No being old does not "mess up your logic" as if that makes any sense. It's always funny to insult others though isn't it?

The 3 year old isn’t going to remember the incident but the old bats might just get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FYI, all of these responses, this why there is no village and why every woman is on her own.

OP, a paci at 3 for bed is really bad for the teeth and mouth. She needs to be weaned from it. Starting now.

OP is obviously already aware the pacifier isn't great or she wouldn't be reluctant to use it in public. She is not actually in need of advice on pacifier usage.

No one needs a "village" of judgmental advice-givers who want to weigh in on your every parenting move. You can get that for free from your own family. The village is supposed to be about help and support not unsolicited advice and scaring 3 yr olds in grocery stores.

The village is for both. But since women today will not accept the latter, they do not receive the former. And then they complain about it (on other threads).

Unsolicited advice is criticism. Point blank. I have never been a village to a sick person and given them criticism about their life choices that made them sick nor criticized my friends/family when they had surgery or when their kid died in a motorcycle accident or from drug abuse.

So, no, a village for women raising children doesnt need that either.

The bolded. People need to internalize this idea. Telling someone what you think they are doing wrong without their invitation is not a "village." It's a freaking peanut gallery and it doesn't actually help anyone.

Got it. I’ll never, ever point out the spinach in your teeth again. I thought I was being helpful, but I honestly did not consider how fragile your ego is. And I definitely won’t offer up diet advice to help your kid with a rare kidney disorder (for example) just because I’ve been through it myself. God forbid you think I’m criticizing you by pointing out that certain things are particularly bad for him, which you may not have been aware of. Better to let the kid suffer the health consequences to spare the adult’s feelings, even though a sane and secure person wouldn’t immediately jump to the conclusion that she’s being criticized.

See someone about to do something dangerous that they most likely don’t realize is dangerous? DON’T WARN THEM you judgmental cows! People today would apparently rather be severely injured or die than be told that maybe they’re doing something stupid or wrong…

If you don't understand the difference between pointing out when someone has spinach in their teeth and criticizing the parenting of a stranger to their face you're either an idiot or pretending to be. Not sure which is worse!