What is the purpose of "negging" someone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot with these new, made up, dumb words.

I thought someone misspelled "nagging".

+1 What’s negging?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot with these new, made up, dumb words.

I thought someone misspelled "nagging".

+1 What’s negging?

Same poster. Sorry, I should’ve read the whole thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot with these new, made up, dumb words.

This. I seriously doubt there isn't already an articulate way to describe the action. WTF is "negging"? A typo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot with these new, made up, dumb words.

This. I seriously doubt there isn't already an articulate way to describe the action. WTF is "negging"? A typo?

It's not a new word, or a new concept: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging

Negging ("to neg", meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval. The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s supposed to make you crave their approval. They think it makes them powerful and in charge because they can manipulate you.

Personally it’s a huge turn off and the people that do it are not fit partners. Very immature.

I like it when people poke fun at me. The guy I am seeing does this. It’s TOTALLY different from the way my ex would do it. My ex would do it when I was already upset. This fella does it differently as I was to raise another perspective and to point out when I am being too full of my self. It’s all about intent.

Gentle teasing where a guy points out something about you that you maybe hadn’t realized or thought about, but he’s paying attention and not afraid to say it and he says it at just the right time and in a way that’s funny - it’s playful and sexy.

+1. This. My ex treated me like a princess for 15 years (five before that). Turns out I hate it! I WAS spoiled. Have you ever been called out ? It feels amazing. Obviously, I am in a place where I can work on myself now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rude can be a way of pushing boundaries.
It’s a sexual thing. I wish I had time to expand/explain.

When you are not afraid “to go there…” prim people have dull intimacy (Ask me how I know this!!)

fyi, pushing boundaries=non-consensual sex=rape

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot with these new, made up, dumb words.

Anonymous wrote:😂

Yep.

"I cannot with ..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude can be a way of pushing boundaries.
It’s a sexual thing. I wish I had time to expand/explain.

When you are not afraid “to go there…” prim people have dull intimacy (Ask me how I know this!!)

fyi, pushing boundaries=non-consensual sex=rape

Oh! THAT is what has been happening to me. Thanks! I’ll get on that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s supposed to make you crave their approval. They think it makes them powerful and in charge because they can manipulate you.

Personally it’s a huge turn off and the people that do it are not fit partners. Very immature.

I like it when people poke fun at me. The guy I am seeing does this. It’s TOTALLY different from the way my ex would do it. My ex would do it when I was already upset. This fella does it differently as I was to raise another perspective and to point out when I am being too full of my self. It’s all about intent.

Gentle teasing where a guy points out something about you that you maybe hadn’t realized or thought about, but he’s paying attention and not afraid to say it and he says it at just the right time and in a way that’s funny - it’s playful and sexy.

+1. This. My ex treated me like a princess for 15 years (five before that). Turns out I hate it! I WAS spoiled. Have you ever been called out ? It feels amazing. Obviously, I am in a place where I can work on myself now.

OP here. I don't at all mind being called out on my actual stuff, which I know I have. That's not negging, it's feedback, ideally from someone who cares enough about me to want to see me suck less. What I'm talking about are backhanded compliments, seemingly designed to cut me down or throw me off balance (e.g. "You're beautiful." me: "Thanks! What about me is beautiful to you?" them: "well, you're an acquired taste..." and then either no further explanation, or some list of my "flaws").

Totally different from 'When you said ________, I felt ______. I'd prefer if you'd ________ next time" calling out/feedback, which I gladly accept.

[Anonymous]

Men do it because it works.

Women are conditioned to seek approval from men. I’ve watched it work many times over the years, usually on women and girls who are insecure and lack self confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men do it because it works.

Women are conditioned to seek approval from men. I’ve watched it work many times over the years, usually on women and girls who are insecure and lack self confidence.

Why would a man want someone insecure who lacks confidence? How is this at all advantageous to the man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men do it because it works.

Women are conditioned to seek approval from men. I’ve watched it work many times over the years, usually on women and girls who are insecure and lack self confidence.

Why would a man want someone insecure who lacks confidence? How is this at all advantageous to the man?

Same reason some men will toss an explosive into a lake instead of learning to fish. They can't perform.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men do it because it works.

Women are conditioned to seek approval from men. I’ve watched it work many times over the years, usually on women and girls who are insecure and lack self confidence.

Why would a man want someone insecure who lacks confidence? How is this at all advantageous to the man?

Because these people are easy to manipulate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men do it because it works.

Women are conditioned to seek approval from men. I’ve watched it work many times over the years, usually on women and girls who are insecure and lack self confidence.

Why would a man want someone insecure who lacks confidence? How is this at all advantageous to the man?

Because these people are easy to manipulate.

See the above. They can't get a woman unless she's insecure and easily manipulated, so that's what they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Negging isn't new. I remember it being around when I was in college and I'm 38. It's a low grade insult meant to take a woman down a peg so she's feeling insecure and more welcome to the guy hitting on her. The purpose is to do it in a way that she doesn't realize it's insulting. The one I will always remember is a guy telling my friend "wow. I really like you're dress. You're a little over dressed for this place but you look great". It's a subtle little dig that she didn't even pick up on. I wish I could say it didn't work. But looking back it worked on us all the time. Maybe the definition has changed in the last 15+ years.

Is that really negging? To me that's a compliment and an opening to leave a crappy place and go dancing or somewhere that fit the outfit. I wouldn't feel insecure about it at all.