What is the purpose of "negging" someone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s supposed to make you crave their approval. They think it makes them powerful and in charge because they can manipulate you.

Personally it’s a huge turn off and the people that do it are not fit partners. Very immature.

+1 it's meant to put you slightly on edge, feeling insecure like you're not quite good enough to be dating them / aren't as good as the other person. It doesn't work if it's nonstop blunt insults - it's a subtle thing. I was in a relationship like this briefly and found it off-putting but frankly didn't process it all together until afterward..I'm not even sure if that case was intentional or he was just very full of himself...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women "s--ttest" men due to evolution. In the caveman days, women needed a strong man to protect them. Women evolved to repeatedly test men to make sure the men were strong enough to offer sufficient protection. Because women haven't undergone selective pressure in millennia, these caveman habits persist. When a man "negs" a woman, he is communicating that he is strong. I will add that negging should be playful and not rude.

As a man, I remember the moment I learned that negging women worked and never looked back. I treated women poorly, and they rewarded me with more attention than ever before. If you want further proof, think of the women who ask, "Why are all men a--holes?" The answer, of course, it that women only notice the a--holes, not that all men exhibit such bad bheavior.

It's really sad that you can only get insecure needy women that you can manipulate. I'm not sure why you think this is a badge of honour.

Happily married for many decades at this point. What you call manipulation, I call giving women what they need. I don't "neg" my wife, but I have consistently provided her male leadership throughout our marriage, and she's the happiest woman I know.

Look at all the unhappy women on DCUM. It's sad to see them wishing for things to be different. The truth is they know what they want but they don't know what they need. Every adult should understand that men and women need completely different things in a relationship and be able to provide those to build a stable, loving relationship.

Show us your magic tricks.

*snerk*

Also? "She's the happiest woman I know" -knows exactly one woman

Any time men talk about how women don't know what they want/need, but some dude does, my clit retracts and I go desert dry.

I’m just saying there’s plenty of red pill/incel/PUA claptrap that’s entertaining by accident. They can use the one piece of advice that boiled down to entertaining us on purpose! No one is going to sleep with them either way but at least we laugh when they want us to instead of at them behind their backs…and to their faces…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Specifically, why is this a thing men do to women they're interested in being with? Am I supposed to defend myself against the neg? Am I supposed to find a man who insults me more attractive or "stronger" in some way?

I really don't get this approach as a dating/relationship strategy.

You’re supposed to feel like more of a loser. Less confident and loser enough to settle for Mr Right now, the guy who is insulting you.

I’ve never been down that bad.

[Anonymous]

"Negging" and gentle teasing are not the same thing. At all. Like if a dude was joking that I'm clearly a dummy and a slacker when I most certainly am not, if he was clearly being silly, I'd roll with that. That's like calling someone shorty when they're tall. But if he were trying to make me feel small so I'd be more likely to accept him and his BS, I wouldn't go for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Negging" and gentle teasing are not the same thing. At all. Like if a dude was joking that I'm clearly a dummy and a slacker when I most certainly am not, if he was clearly being silly, I'd roll with that. That's like calling someone shorty when they're tall. But if he were trying to make me feel small so I'd be more likely to accept him and his BS, I wouldn't go for that.

It's not silly or cute, it's deliberately destabilizing "what does he really mean by that?" behavior and mixed messaging.

DTMFA

[Anonymous]

Isn't it meant to make a woman think he's not interested in her, while also making her think about him? If he then follows up with a compliment eventually, it can feel like receiving a "gift".

In the jargon of persuasion tactics, scarcity followed reciprocity. If he can get some social proof from another woman, I could see it working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a recipient of negging in a past, I think the goal was to bolster his ego and remain in a position of power. It definitely made me desperate to seek out his approval and attention.

There was already a notable age difference (me-20, him-30) and I thought he was a lot cooler than he actually was. In some ways I enjoyed the tension and the excitement of the ups and downs. Obviously not a healthy dynamic for a real, mature relationship.

In my case, the negging was mostly talking down, condescending, treating me like I was dumb or immature. The age difference added to this whole dynamic.

In retrospect, I think we were both pretty underconfident and insecure people at the time

I've fallen for this too, for exactly the reason you cite. He'd make me feel bad, or unworthy, or even mean (I wasn't), and I'd rush in to show him how good and worthy and kind I am so he'd pick me.

Ewww...

Meanwhile, more or less decent teen/early-twenties guys without any particular game were invisible. And they saw these schmucks hooking up with women. So, they start thinking that this is what women want from men.

Isn't this sad that this works on so many young girls? I fell for this too but I wised up to it around 22 or 23.
I remember when I was 20 a boyfriend said "You would have had the perfect figure back in the 60s. I've never been into curvy girls before but with you I'm trying something new." I weighed 118 pounds! The treatment I put up with as a teen/early 20s makes me cringe.
Another guy told me "I'm pretty much exclusively attracted to Asian girls so you're going to have to be pretty special if you want my interest." And I took that as a challenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a recipient of negging in a past, I think the goal was to bolster his ego and remain in a position of power. It definitely made me desperate to seek out his approval and attention.

There was already a notable age difference (me-20, him-30) and I thought he was a lot cooler than he actually was. In some ways I enjoyed the tension and the excitement of the ups and downs. Obviously not a healthy dynamic for a real, mature relationship.

In my case, the negging was mostly talking down, condescending, treating me like I was dumb or immature. The age difference added to this whole dynamic.

In retrospect, I think we were both pretty underconfident and insecure people at the time

I've fallen for this too, for exactly the reason you cite. He'd make me feel bad, or unworthy, or even mean (I wasn't), and I'd rush in to show him how good and worthy and kind I am so he'd pick me.

Ewww...

Isn't this sad that this works on so many young girls? I fell for this too but I wised up to it around 22 or 23.
I remember when I was 20 a boyfriend said "You would have had the perfect figure back in the 60s. I've never been into curvy girls before but with you I'm trying something new." I weighed 118 pounds! The treatment I put up with as a teen/early 20s makes me cringe.
Another guy told me "I'm pretty much exclusively attracted to Asian girls so you're going to have to be pretty special if you want my interest." And I took that as a challenge.

Reposting - hopefully with the quote tags correct:

"Meanwhile, more or less decent teen/early-twenties guys without any particular game were invisible. And they saw these schmucks hooking up with women. So, they start thinking that this is what women want from men."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women "s--ttest" men due to evolution. In the caveman days, women needed a strong man to protect them. Women evolved to repeatedly test men to make sure the men were strong enough to offer sufficient protection. Because women haven't undergone selective pressure in millennia, these caveman habits persist. When a man "negs" a woman, he is communicating that he is strong. I will add that negging should be playful and not rude.

As a man, I remember the moment I learned that negging women worked and never looked back. I treated women poorly, and they rewarded me with more attention than ever before. If you want further proof, think of the women who ask, "Why are all men a--holes?" The answer, of course, it that women only notice the a--holes, not that all men exhibit such bad bheavior.

It's really sad that you can only get insecure needy women that you can manipulate. I'm not sure why you think this is a badge of honour.

Happily married for many decades at this point. What you call manipulation, I call giving women what they need. I don't "neg" my wife, but I have consistently provided her male leadership throughout our marriage, and she's the happiest woman I know.

Look at all the unhappy women on DCUM. It's sad to see them wishing for things to be different. The truth is they know what they want but they don't know what they need. Every adult should understand that men and women need completely different things in a relationship and be able to provide those to build a stable, loving relationship.

"I remember the moment I learned that negging women worked and never looked back."

If you dont "neg" your wife, why did you say that you did? "Male leadership" just sounds like a way to say manipulate and control.
You abuse your wife and think she's the happiest person alive? What a narcissistic thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a recipient of negging in a past, I think the goal was to bolster his ego and remain in a position of power. It definitely made me desperate to seek out his approval and attention.

There was already a notable age difference (me-20, him-30) and I thought he was a lot cooler than he actually was. In some ways I enjoyed the tension and the excitement of the ups and downs. Obviously not a healthy dynamic for a real, mature relationship.

In my case, the negging was mostly talking down, condescending, treating me like I was dumb or immature. The age difference added to this whole dynamic.

In retrospect, I think we were both pretty underconfident and insecure people at the time

I've fallen for this too, for exactly the reason you cite. He'd make me feel bad, or unworthy, or even mean (I wasn't), and I'd rush in to show him how good and worthy and kind I am so he'd pick me.

Ewww...

Meanwhile, more or less decent teen/early-twenties guys without any particular game were invisible. And they saw these schmucks hooking up with women. So, they start thinking that this is what women want from men.

Isn't this sad that this works on so many young girls? I fell for this too but I wised up to it around 22 or 23.
I remember when I was 20 a boyfriend said "You would have had the perfect figure back in the 60s. I've never been into curvy girls before but with you I'm trying something new." I weighed 118 pounds! The treatment I put up with as a teen/early 20s makes me cringe.
Another guy told me "I'm pretty much exclusively attracted to Asian girls so you're going to have to be pretty special if you want my interest." And I took that as a challenge.

Thanks for sharing this. I call this “narrating your life” some insecure people do it.