Husband doesn’t let me express any negative emotions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

....Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily....

You know you're going to hear the harsh truth on DCUM, right? Here it is.

No one is walking around smug because they have reproduced. You have no idea what challenges others have had or how many adopted their kids or were with step-kids. You're making shlt up to feed your disordered thinking and justify your shltty mood/attitude.

Yes, your thinking is disordered. You are likely depressed and have been for a while. Your depression, at least in part, manifests as anger, bitterness, weepiness and emotional dysregulation. You are blind/indifferent to the impact you and your circumstances have on your DH. He was right to leave you at home. Everyone knows you are unreachable and they don't want you ruining gatherings or have to walk on eggshells around you.

Get yourself to individual therapy and, if you want to have a healthy marriage, relationship counseling. If you don't, you are choosing to feel this way.

THIS! Read this OP and consider heeding this advice. You deserve to feel better, but I doubt you are able to be real about how you're affecting others in this moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, people say this too much on here in a mean way, but I mean it sincerely. Do you have a therapist you can talk to. Dealing with a death of a parent and infertility at the same time is a lot. And, unfortunately, your DH is not going to be a source of support, so you need someone to help you work through the (normal) grief and sadness you are dealing with.

Even if, as PP suggested, the anger is the manifestation of his grief, there is no excuse for him to treat you so disrespectfully or take it out on you.

Hugs, OP.

This.

[Anonymous]

First, I am so sorry about you dad. Mine died recently and it is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with (and I've lost a sibling, dealt with other deaths, illnesses, etc.). I hope you have some friends or family who can support you through this.

Second, please don't have children with this man. Take it as a blessing in disguise from the universe that you haven't been able to get pregnant with him. He is emotionally and verbally abusive and you need to get our of your marriage this instant. Again, I hope you have some friends and family who can help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid, OP. I don’t feel smug about it, and that’s a very odd thing for you to think. I had her by myself after a painful divorce. I experienced infertility, did IVF, and used donor egg. She has autism. It has not been easy. Your grief is causing you to make A LOT of assumptions about other people’s lives when you see them out in public.

I’m depressed and grieving too, so I get it, but I’m not sure this is a DH problem.

While OP undoubtedly has issues she needs to address, her husband is definitely a problem. I appreciate that he may be sick of the constant negativity or whatever, but the way he treated her isn't ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

Jesus lord it’s not abuse. How long does DH have to put up with OP’s negativity? He’s calling it out and not taking it. That’s not abuse.

He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry
Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility
Then he stone walled me for 1 hour
This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad
He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner
This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving
Finally he left without me

That's all from the OP. That is not acceptable behavior. There are plenty of ways to handle someone who is being negative, but these aren't those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

Jesus lord it’s not abuse. How long does DH have to put up with OP’s negativity? He’s calling it out and not taking it. That’s not abuse.

He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry
Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility
Then he stone walled me for 1 hour
This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad
He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner
This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving
Finally he left without me

That's all from the OP. That is not acceptable behavior. There are plenty of ways to handle someone who is being negative, but these aren't those.

She also stone walled him. He was the one that "caved" first.

He told her he was leaving, and she apparently ended up just staying home? She could have still gone. She chose to cry instead of get ready and try to be happy for their event.

OP is using her tears and emotions as manipulation. She does the exact same thing to him, and it's ok when she does it, but when he does it he's being abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

Jesus lord it’s not abuse. How long does DH have to put up with OP’s negativity? He’s calling it out and not taking it. That’s not abuse.

He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry
Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility
Then he stone walled me for 1 hour
This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad
He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner
This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving
Finally he left without me

That's all from the OP. That is not acceptable behavior. There are plenty of ways to handle someone who is being negative, but these aren't those.

That's all from OPs perspective. I bet her husband has a different take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

Jesus lord it’s not abuse. How long does DH have to put up with OP’s negativity? He’s calling it out and not taking it. That’s not abuse.

He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry
Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility
Then he stone walled me for 1 hour
This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad
He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner
This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving
Finally he left without me

That's all from the OP. That is not acceptable behavior. There are plenty of ways to handle someone who is being negative, but these aren't those.

She also stone walled him. He was the one that "caved" first.

He told her he was leaving, and she apparently ended up just staying home? She could have still gone. She chose to cry instead of get ready and try to be happy for their event.

OP is using her tears and emotions as manipulation. She does the exact same thing to him, and it's ok when she does it, but when he does it he's being abusive.

You must be new to DCUM. This is pretty common thinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

this is a you problem. people aren't walking around acting smug because they were able to have a baby and you were not.

ridiculous take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

Jesus lord it’s not abuse. How long does DH have to put up with OP’s negativity? He’s calling it out and not taking it. That’s not abuse.

He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry
Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility
Then he stone walled me for 1 hour
This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad
He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner
This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving
Finally he left without me

That's all from the OP. That is not acceptable behavior. There are plenty of ways to handle someone who is being negative, but these aren't those.

She also stone walled him. He was the one that "caved" first.

He told her he was leaving, and she apparently ended up just staying home? She could have still gone. She chose to cry instead of get ready and try to be happy for their event.

OP is using her tears and emotions as manipulation. She does the exact same thing to him, and it's ok when she does it, but when he does it he's being abusive.

You must be new to DCUM. This is pretty common thinking

New-ish! Which thinking is common? Mine or pps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

Jesus lord it’s not abuse. How long does DH have to put up with OP’s negativity? He’s calling it out and not taking it. That’s not abuse.

He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry
Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility
Then he stone walled me for 1 hour
This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad
He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner
This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving
Finally he left without me

That's all from the OP. That is not acceptable behavior. There are plenty of ways to handle someone who is being negative, but these aren't those.

She also stone walled him. He was the one that "caved" first.

He told her he was leaving, and she apparently ended up just staying home? She could have still gone. She chose to cry instead of get ready and try to be happy for their event.

OP is using her tears and emotions as manipulation. She does the exact same thing to him, and it's ok when she does it, but when he does it he's being abusive.

You must be new to DCUM. This is pretty common thinking

New-ish! Which thinking is common? Mine or pps?

Not yours. I agree with your take but I've found I'm often in the minority

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

Jesus lord it’s not abuse. How long does DH have to put up with OP’s negativity? He’s calling it out and not taking it. That’s not abuse.

He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry
Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility
Then he stone walled me for 1 hour
This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad
He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner
This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving
Finally he left without me

That's all from the OP. That is not acceptable behavior. There are plenty of ways to handle someone who is being negative, but these aren't those.

She also stone walled him. He was the one that "caved" first.

He told her he was leaving, and she apparently ended up just staying home? She could have still gone. She chose to cry instead of get ready and try to be happy for their event.

OP is using her tears and emotions as manipulation. She does the exact same thing to him, and it's ok when she does it, but when he does it he's being abusive.

You must be new to DCUM. This is pretty common thinking

New-ish! Which thinking is common? Mine or pps?

Not yours. I agree with your take but I've found I'm often in the minority

Ah, thanks for explaining.

I actually notice this specific thing, because I used to do it . I grew up with my mom who would do it, and learned and emulated it. It took a long time to gain the self awareness of it, and learn better communication skills. So when I see OP doing the same thing and driving her family away, it really brings me back.

[Anonymous]

I think there's a difference between
"my husband won't let me express any negative emotions"
and
"I've been expressing negative emotions and taking them out on my husband for 3 years and now he's tired of it"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a difference between
"my husband won't let me express any negative emotions"
and
"I've been expressing negative emotions and taking them out on my husband for 3 years and now he's tired of it"

I would add, "after being crushed by infertility and living 3 years with me in major depression, my DH finds that his own mental health is suffering and he no longer has the capacity or resiliency to be the recipient of my soul crushing negativity".

[Anonymous]

He’s a Richard Skull