Husband doesn’t let me express any negative emotions

[Anonymous]

My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like an awful relationship.

[Anonymous]

You dont have kids (im sorry) and he is nasty to you. You don't need to be in a negative relationship like this. Could be he is grieving infertility his way and its resulting in anger and detachment but still shouldn't be mean to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, people say this too much on here in a mean way, but I mean it sincerely. Do you have a therapist you can talk to. Dealing with a death of a parent and infertility at the same time is a lot. And, unfortunately, your DH is not going to be a source of support, so you need someone to help you work through the (normal) grief and sadness you are dealing with.

Even if, as PP suggested, the anger is the manifestation of his grief, there is no excuse for him to treat you so disrespectfully or take it out on you.

Hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

No kids? Divorce this person. He sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

if you don’t have kids, just get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know op, maybe your dh is abusive, maybe he is also dealing with sadness of infertility, or maybe indeed you are bitter, sad and depressed more than you think you are.

Sitting at the wharf trying to enjoy and having a partner bring up the infertility at a moment you’re trying to just have a good moment, I can see his point at well.

It’s hard to tell from the post, but in any case it doesn’t seem to be a healthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

Look, you do need to move on.

You got a bad deal. Maybe you will not be able to have a child. It's OK to be disappointed. But get a therapist and stop beating up your DH.

I struggled with infertility and was finally able to have a baby at 40. He has special needs. Instead of being mad at all the moms with kids running off to Harvard, I am rejoicing in my son's more limited accomplishments.

Look in to fostering a child. Lots of kids out there looking for love.

[Anonymous]

You need to divorce. He sounds awful but you seem to have your issues too. I'm not sure if I would have responded in sympathy about your bitterness and claiming people are smug for being out and about with their families. That level of bitterness can be absolutely draining, I've been around some like it.

You both sound sick of each other and it's time to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know op, maybe your dh is abusive, maybe he is also dealing with sadness of infertility, or maybe indeed you are bitter, sad and depressed more than you think you are.

Sitting at the wharf trying to enjoy and having a partner bring up the infertility at a moment you’re trying to just have a good moment, I can see his point at well.

It’s hard to tell from the post, but in any case it doesn’t seem to be a healthy relationship.

Not just bringing up infertility but being angry at everyone around them with kids. That negativity is exhausting and I completely see why he wouldn't want her at the MILs mothers day thing.

[Anonymous]

My DH was like this. It was this thing where he feels my moods and so becomes angry if they bring him negative energy like it’s a personal attack. I had to get away.

[Anonymous]

....Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily....

You know you're going to hear the harsh truth on DCUM, right? Here it is.

No one is walking around smug because they have reproduced. You have no idea what challenges others have had or how many adopted their kids or were with step-kids. You're making shlt up to feed your disordered thinking and justify your shltty mood/attitude.

Yes, your thinking is disordered. You are likely depressed and have been for a while. Your depression, at least in part, manifests as anger, bitterness, weepiness and emotional dysregulation. You are blind/indifferent to the impact you and your circumstances have on your DH. He was right to leave you at home. Everyone knows you are unreachable and they don't want you ruining gatherings or have to walk on eggshells around you.

Get yourself to individual therapy and, if you want to have a healthy marriage, relationship counseling. If you don't, you are choosing to feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know op, maybe your dh is abusive, maybe he is also dealing with sadness of infertility, or maybe indeed you are bitter, sad and depressed more than you think you are.

Sitting at the wharf trying to enjoy and having a partner bring up the infertility at a moment you’re trying to just have a good moment, I can see his point at well.

It’s hard to tell from the post, but in any case it doesn’t seem to be a healthy relationship.

Not just bringing up infertility but being angry at everyone around them with kids. That negativity is exhausting and I completely see why he wouldn't want her at the MILs mothers day thing.

Yes I kind of agree. People walking around with their kids aren’t being smug. They are just living life. And just because they have kids doesn’t mean their lives are perfect. People go through crazy sh*t. And sometime with kids to take care of when their world is crumbling.

If you’re crying yourself to sleep so often, get a psychiatrist for meds and a therapist who can help you with your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

....Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily....

You know you're going to hear the harsh truth on DCUM, right? Here it is.

No one is walking around smug because they have reproduced. You have no idea what challenges others have had or how many adopted their kids or were with step-kids. You're making shlt up to feed your disordered thinking and justify your shltty mood/attitude.

Yes, your thinking is disordered. You are likely depressed and have been for a while. Your depression, at least in part, manifests as anger, bitterness, weepiness and emotional dysregulation. You are blind/indifferent to the impact you and your circumstances have on your DH. He was right to leave you at home. Everyone knows you are unreachable and they don't want you ruining gatherings or have to walk on eggshells around you.

Get yourself to individual therapy and, if you want to have a healthy marriage, relationship counseling. If you don't, you are choosing to feel this way.

This is what OP need to hear.

Move on, get help or something. But being around constantly negative people is draining. Your DH is a saint for putting up with this for so long.

[Anonymous]

Throw the whole man away. Yes, the entire man.

You deserve better. Your future children deserve a better father.