Husband doesn’t let me express any negative emotions

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. I also battled infertility for several years- I understand how you feel.

I would recommend therapy- is it possible you are depressed? Even if not, some therapy or counseling would be beneficial.

I don’t think you can have a clear view of the marriage until you are feeling a little better- your DH absolutely sounds like a jerk based on today/what you wrote here. However, if it has been three years of constant sadness over this, it is understandable that he may be feeling burned out and a bit fed up hearing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry OP. I also battled infertility for several years- I understand how you feel.

I would recommend therapy- is it possible you are depressed? Even if not, some therapy or counseling would be beneficial.

I don’t think you can have a clear view of the marriage until you are feeling a little better- your DH absolutely sounds like a jerk based on today/what you wrote here. However, if it has been three years of constant sadness over this, it is understandable that he may be feeling burned out and a bit fed up hearing about it.

Perhaps not fed up as having "caught" depression from OP. I know from my own experience that it's hard to live with someone who twists every situation into something negative.

People are walking around "smug" because they reproduced? WTF! OP can't be around children because it's "triggering"? Unless you stay home indoors all the time and don't watch TV/movies, you're gonna see kids and families. Just what can you do that strengthens and nourishes your relationship? What about OP's grief with infertility and the loss of his partner?

[Anonymous]

I have a kid, OP. I don’t feel smug about it, and that’s a very odd thing for you to think. I had her by myself after a painful divorce. I experienced infertility, did IVF, and used donor egg. She has autism. It has not been easy. Your grief is causing you to make A LOT of assumptions about other people’s lives when you see them out in public.

I’m depressed and grieving too, so I get it, but I’m not sure this is a DH problem.

[Anonymous]

You want to have a CHILD with this man? You're nuts. God forbid you have PPD, and how will he handle it when his baby cries?

And btw, just keep in mind you have no idea how long it took all these parents you see to conceive their children or to adopt them. It might be three months but it also might be ten years.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's dealing with infertility differently than you. After several losses I cried A LOT. My ex became downright cruel. He ended up cheating on me, leaving me, and marrying his mistress. With that being said get counseling or divorce. Life's too short to live like this.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to go see your doctor and open up about the depths of grief and despair that you’re feeling. You need professional help because it’s beyond the abilities of your DH and regular people. It’s not that we don’t care, it’s that we don’t know how or what will help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

....Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily....

You know you're going to hear the harsh truth on DCUM, right? Here it is.

No one is walking around smug because they have reproduced. You have no idea what challenges others have had or how many adopted their kids or were with step-kids. You're making shlt up to feed your disordered thinking and justify your shltty mood/attitude.

Yes, your thinking is disordered. You are likely depressed and have been for a while. Your depression, at least in part, manifests as anger, bitterness, weepiness and emotional dysregulation. You are blind/indifferent to the impact you and your circumstances have on your DH. He was right to leave you at home. Everyone knows you are unreachable and they don't want you ruining gatherings or have to walk on eggshells around you.

Get yourself to individual therapy and, if you want to have a healthy marriage, relationship counseling. If you don't, you are choosing to feel this way.

OP is the problem. I feel bad for the husband.

[Anonymous]

The only positive of this is that you don’t share kids with the man. You deserve someone to hug you and be with you without judgement.
Divorce him and start a better life far away, if you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

Also you sound depressed. Anyone would be depressed in this situation. I encourage you to find a good therapist to help support and valid you and to figure out how to leave this toxic relationship. You don’t want a child w this person. It will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

You need to be evaluated and treated for depression. Until you are in a better frame of mind, you shouldn’t be making any judgments or decisions about the state of your marriage. It’s very challenging living with someone who is depressed - depression negatively impacts even the most loving and helpful relationships. Focus on your mental well being and table the big life decisions for once you are stable.

[Anonymous]

Even from OP’s understandingly biased perspective I’m falling on the team dh side of things. I couldn’t live with this level of bitterness. He could certainly be kinder, but o get the frustration.

OP- what are you doing to become healthier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

....Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily....

You know you're going to hear the harsh truth on DCUM, right? Here it is.

No one is walking around smug because they have reproduced. You have no idea what challenges others have had or how many adopted their kids or were with step-kids. You're making shlt up to feed your disordered thinking and justify your shltty mood/attitude.

Yes, your thinking is disordered. You are likely depressed and have been for a while. Your depression, at least in part, manifests as anger, bitterness, weepiness and emotional dysregulation. You are blind/indifferent to the impact you and your circumstances have on your DH. He was right to leave you at home. Everyone knows you are unreachable and they don't want you ruining gatherings or have to walk on eggshells around you.

Get yourself to individual therapy and, if you want to have a healthy marriage, relationship counseling. If you don't, you are choosing to feel this way.

OP wants a pity party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know op, maybe your dh is abusive, maybe he is also dealing with sadness of infertility, or maybe indeed you are bitter, sad and depressed more than you think you are.

Sitting at the wharf trying to enjoy and having a partner bring up the infertility at a moment you’re trying to just have a good moment, I can see his point at well.

It’s hard to tell from the post, but in any case it doesn’t seem to be a healthy relationship.

Not just bringing up infertility but being angry at everyone around them with kids. That negativity is exhausting and I completely see why he wouldn't want her at the MILs mothers day thing.

I agree. You need therapy ASAP. Did you ever think your husband is also grieving by not being able to have a child? He needs support too.

[Anonymous]

You don't have kids? Your negative husband is why. This is a sign from God that you shouldn't procreate with this man.