Husband doesn’t let me express any negative emotions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

This is abuse and not okay. Can you see this?

Jesus lord it’s not abuse. How long does DH have to put up with OP’s negativity? He’s calling it out and not taking it. That’s not abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

....Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily....

You know you're going to hear the harsh truth on DCUM, right? Here it is.

No one is walking around smug because they have reproduced. You have no idea what challenges others have had or how many adopted their kids or were with step-kids. You're making shlt up to feed your disordered thinking and justify your shltty mood/attitude.

Yes, your thinking is disordered. You are likely depressed and have been for a while. Your depression, at least in part, manifests as anger, bitterness, weepiness and emotional dysregulation. You are blind/indifferent to the impact you and your circumstances have on your DH. He was right to leave you at home. Everyone knows you are unreachable and they don't want you ruining gatherings or have to walk on eggshells around you.

Get yourself to individual therapy and, if you want to have a healthy marriage, relationship counseling. If you don't, you are choosing to feel this way.

This is as gently said as possible. It's true. I'm sorry you're grieving and that you have infertility. Please get some help and possibly a divorce too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

I understand how bad you feel. You sound very depressed. I am sorry.

I can also understand how he might be feeling if the behavior you describe is chronic. It can be hard for the partner of a depressed spouse. Some of your comments — referring to passersbys as “smug” for having reproduced, for example — helps me understand the “sourpuss” comment. He is probably frustrated and feels helpless and might be feeling tired of being your dumping ground. Because getting angry and calling people just enjoying their day “smug” is not normal or healthy behavior or mindsight.

What steps are you taking to manage your depression that don’t make him fully responsible for dealing with your emotions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No kids? Divorce this person. He sounds awful.

Right, because she needs even more loss. Genius plan, genius.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you are grieving. Finding fault with strangers walking past you with a stroller isn’t a problem your husband can solve. How long ago did your father die? I would also urge therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

Assuming you knew and picked a good person to marry, what turned him into an insensitive jerk? OP, do you've any insight? As far as yourself, seek therapy, for relationship, seek counseling or divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No kids? Divorce this person. He sounds awful.

Right, because she needs even more loss. Genius plan, genius.

Some people are like a lead weight tied around you. Some loss makes you lighter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

....Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily....

You know you're going to hear the harsh truth on DCUM, right? Here it is.

No one is walking around smug because they have reproduced. You have no idea what challenges others have had or how many adopted their kids or were with step-kids. You're making shlt up to feed your disordered thinking and justify your shltty mood/attitude.

Yes, your thinking is disordered. You are likely depressed and have been for a while. Your depression, at least in part, manifests as anger, bitterness, weepiness and emotional dysregulation. You are blind/indifferent to the impact you and your circumstances have on your DH. He was right to leave you at home. Everyone knows you are unreachable and they don't want you ruining gatherings or have to walk on eggshells around you.

Get yourself to individual therapy and, if you want to have a healthy marriage, relationship counseling. If you don't, you are choosing to feel this way.

This is what I was thinking when I read the op. Maybe her DH is a jerk, maybe she's suffering from disordered thinking, maybe it's both. Either way, the best person to flesh this out with would be a therapist.

[Anonymous]

OP: You need to get help. No sane person could--or should--have to tolerate your constant negativity,depression,and self-pity.

But, I do blame your husband in part--for not leaving you. I do not know how he tolerates the constant negativity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father died and I cannot even truly cry anymore. He gets angry at me when I’m sad or when I cry and God forbid I ever call him out on hurting me express to him to do something differently.

Everything is met with at least denial and more frequently emotional hostility.

Yesterday we were at Mosaic and sitting and people watching. After battling infertility for 3 years, I’m triggered by watching all the mothers with their children. I felt bitter and angry and sad. I said it annoys me how smug everyone looks having reproduced and how it’s triggering me that it’s possible for everyone one to have a baby so easily.

Instead of comforting me, he was like stop it. You’re being a sourpuss. And how I can’t just keep playing victim and I need to move on and be happy.

He couldn’t even try to show me some empathy!

Then he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either, not wanting to be the one to talk first. He says he will take me home since I’m in such a bad mood and walked off.

I followed him to the car.

I came home and cried myself to sleep.

This morning he was mad at me again because I was sad. He said he doesn’t care that I’m sad since I’m ruining everyone’s vibes and it will be better for me to not go to MILs Mother’s Day dinner.

This was after I had just gotten out of the shower intending to get ready to go, then he says ok I’m leaving in 10 mins if you’re not dressed then I’m leaving. I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that. He says I’m screaming at him and he will not tolerate it and he is ordering me to stop.

Finally he left without me.

I’ve been crying my eyes out in the dark of my bedroom.

NP, I havent read the comments yet.

So, a few things.
1) You've been dealing with infertility for 3 years, I think it's quite likely he is tired of dealing with this. Why would you go people watch on mothers day if you know you are triggered by mothers? That does sound really annoying, especially if it's been going on this long! Has he shown empathy in the past? Maybe he is just tired of you ruining all outings with your attitude? If you can't see a child or parent without breaking down, that doesn't sound enjoyable at all. For anyone.

2) Your language is so interesting. You make it sound like he is abusing you and doing things to you, but you are doing the same thing. The different language you use shows how you think you are in the right for doing it, but he's in the wrong.
Ex: he stone walled me for 1 hour and I didn’t speak to him either - so he is stonewalling you (bad!) but you arent speaking to him because youre justified, and just dont want to be the one to speak first (fine in your opinion).

Ex2: I tell him to calm down and stop talking to me like that / he is ordering me to stop - So you're allowed to "order him" to calm down and stop talking like that, but he isn't allowed to "order you" to stop yelling at him?

Also, you ruined the entire day with this, and then you still ruined the next day too? Because you saw some people with babies?

Infertility is tough. It sucks. But you cannot take it out on your husband or the rest of the world. You need therapy, stat.

[Anonymous]

Stop playing the victim card. He's tired of it. Anyone would be. And that BS line about how "smug" moms look with their kids? REALLY? You think moms are walking around with their kids thinking "I'll show all these other women who can't have kids what I can do!!!".

You sound like a narcissist who enjoys playing the victim card. Stop blaming your husband. Start looking in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Did you end up going to MILs house? Or you stayed home? what happened when he got home?

[Anonymous]

DTMFA.

You don't have kids. This is a blessing- divorce will be easier. Be alone and work on yourself; then you may find someone else who isn't negative and unsupportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DTMFA.

You don't have kids. This is a blessing- divorce will be easier. Be alone and work on yourself; then you may find someone else who isn't negative and unsupportive.

OP is the one who is negative though, so it will be hard to escape herself.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day, if the two of you married with the idea of starting a family and it just can't happen, and there isn't anything left but bitterness, then divorce may be what's best for you both.